The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

Adam Jensen is a murderer.
There, I said it. He’s a complete sociopath asshole. I loved every minute of playing as him. People would accuse of him being just that, and I would just nod my head, and then shoot them. Yep.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution is an amazing game. It’s flawed in a lot of ways. For example, the hiding and shooting controls on consoles are kind of fucked up! Not so much that you can’t get used to them, but they’re really weird. There are plenty of other little things like that, such as not being able to defeat bosses without murdering them. That particular problem, however, was not a big deal for my Adam Jensen, because he murdered EVERYONE.

It took a few hours of playing before I realized that I was playing a “bad” character for the first time in my entire RPG life. It wasn’t that I wasn’t helping people, or telling people to fuck off. I wasn’t doing that. But in a game with so many non-lethal options, I went out of my way to kill everyone, even when it was not necessary. I would get caught breaking into a house to rob it, and I would murder all the police within a several block radius, and just step over their bodies for the rest of the game like it was nothing. I refused to give a character a weapon so he could survive because I required ALL THE GUNS in order to kill EVERYONE IN THE BUILDING. This was my Adam Jensen. Innocent or not, if you were in any way in my way, you were dying.

Once I realized this, I had fun playing up that persona. I broke into every single office at my place of business and stole everything, even though I was supposed to be the person in charge of making all that happen. I won the completely awesome “social battles,” of course, but I was no longer doing it because I was impassioned or anything. I was doing it purely to manipulate and get what I wanted. In one particular conversation, I bluffed my way into getting information from a guy, and then right after the conversation ended, pulled out a shotgun and shot him in the face. I was doing things in a game I hadn’t done before. It was kind of fantastic and fresh. I am always a goodie-two-shoes, but something about this game really made playing a guy like that, even if just in my head, incredibly fun. Knowing I had so many options, but chose to kill anyway, made it so. Often I’d find the way to sneak by, and then I’d just turn around, slide out of the vent, and start firing randomly until I aggroed everyone. That’s just how my Jensen rolls.

The game really assumes you want to not murder everyone, though. All the dialog in all the various pick-an-endings all involve Jensen saying that he tried to be responsible with his newfound power, which my Jensen TOTALLY DID NOT. I also found a certain mission I went on where I was chosen because I had proven I had the “skills” to get the job done, and then was asked not to kill anyone, really funny. Clearly I didn’t have any skills on NOT killing people. I did complete that mission, but I made sure to knock out all the guys and leave them sleeping face down in a pool of water, because drowning is a “non-lethal takedown,” right?

Even without being a dick, Deus Ex: Human Resources is a fantastic game that you should play if you give a shit at all about RPGs. Again, there are little things that will annoy, but the game often gives you multiple options on how to solve any crisis. You can shoot everyone, like I did, but there are many other ways to go about it too, which is just fantastic. I hope the game gets a good sequel that irons out the bugs. I will play the shit out of that, too.

A friend of mine has started up an Ironclaw campaign that he wants me in on. I’d love to, though my schedule is shitty! He’s working things out to have me there, though, so I am ALL IN. Or something like that.

The system seems fine enough, as far as RPGs go. The rolling doesn’t seem too stupid, which is always a plus. What really caught my imagination, though, was some of the potential careers for player characters. I could make a Functionary, who is basically a bureaucrat in charge of running a household or business. So my special powers would be involved in being literate and knowing math. This appealed to me. Like, for serious. How ridiculous for someone like that to be in an adventuring party! How completely awesome for that to be the case! Of course I made one immediately, drawing up an interesting deer lady good at math and business and talking.

Tonight, my friend asked me to help him with some more background for my character. My character has the noble blood perk, and he just kind of asked me a simple question: what noble house did I belong to?
I, of course, had no answer, because the way I build characters is just… well, it’s very me.

In general, I create a character, by which I mean I start fitting together a list of rules and feelings this character has in order to be able to make decisions. This is “character building” to me, and even as I was filling out stats in this game, that’s what I was doing. Coming up with this person’s values and ideals. I would then, normally, just let this character loose, let them bump up against stereotypes and eventually non-stereotypes to build up how they react and who they are. They tell me by making decisions. This also ends up building the world, because they tell me what’s going on in the world and why things are important to them. They bring the world into reality.

This is why I rarely work in established universes like the one in Ironclaw. Because I don’t have simple answers to simple things when the character is made. Those are created as I go along, organically. Sure, in editing I make it all work out better, but I just feel like this makes more… real people, you know? I get the person to the state where I can talk to them and have a conversation with them before I do things like decide who their mother is and so on and so forth.

I know this isn’t the only way to do it. Armadox (the previously-mentioned friend) walked me through some stuff in the universe and we came up with some in-world answers to these simple questions that set up more potential interesting character interactions, which I’m all for. He also put up with me as I made sure these in-world things didn’t interfere with the voice I had built in my head for the character, which must have been frustrating, but we got it done. Certainly, sometimes I wish I could make characters like that, where everything just fits in like a glove. As handy as it would be, though, it really isn’t me. I can fake it, but I don’t put enough heart into it.

This, though, we worked out in an awesome way, and I am excited to run the character on Sunday. I am going to math the shit out of things.

There is but one universal truth in the world.
Orcs Must Die.
Apparently.

Because I am like the only person not sick to death of Tower Defense games and their spin-offs, I watched the Quick Look for Orcs Must Die and was really intrigued. It looked extremely fast-paced, like fun arcade times! So I splurged on it, like I sometimes do on things. I’m not all the way through it. I’ve played a few levels here and there as I go along. I think there are 6 left? But I have really enjoyed the game.

Basically, you set up traps, such as spike floors and walls that shoot arrows, to kill orcs, which flood out of various doors on the map and try to get to some crystal or something that you’re trying to protect. You have a little sword thing and a fucking machine gun crossbow to attack orcs as well, and your own attacks are at least as important as the towers themselves. In fact, after you reach a certain point in the game, you can “spec” yourself for traps or for attacking yourself for each level in order to be more effective at whatever is going to be more effective on that stage, which lets you switch it up a bit.

The main character you run around as has a lot of character to him. The things he says are kind of stupid, but the way he’s animated is nice, so as I played while listening to podcasts and not the game audio, I rather liked his quick swagger sprinting about the level. The orcs, as well, are really well animated. They seem dangerous, but clumsy and stupid, and their fairly gore-ful death animations never cease to be entertaining as you play, which is a plus, since you may kill a lot of them. Their attack patterns are also interesting for games like this, as if you are even vaguely close to them, they will fucking mob and kill you instead of just running mindlessly for the goal, which makes you have to think a bit more on your feet when you’re just charging in.

The game is constantly giving you new traps and new magical items that let you cast various spells. I’ve gotten a lot of use out of the Wind Belt, for example, that lets me summon a blast of wind that blows enemies backwards, letting me push them back into traps to get hit a second time. I’ve also taken to the Flame Bracelet, which lets me throw AoE Fireballs into crowds and set them on fire, doing a short DoT. Many of them are very situational and you may never use them outside of the level you first get them, but there’s always something new to try if you want it, and the game rarely does something dickish to cut you off from favorite strategies completely. It’s also very difficult as the levels go forward. About halfway through, I flipped it to easy because it was getting super hard! There’s plenty of challenge if you want it.

I was happy to have spent my $15 bucks. Orcs Must Die may not be worth that to everyone, but at least give it a look when it goes on Steam Sale this holiday, as I assume it’ll be much cheaper than that. It is a very fun diversion and podcast game.

I guess I am following a certain kitten’s advice and making this an every Thursday thing now? In any case, here’s a prose poem.

The Power of Invisibility

One minute you are seen by those who hate you and the next you are hidden from those who love you. Hugs and bullet kisses fly through the air, trying to encircle you, capture you, and you are missed by all of them. You sit there as you shiver and shake, ass on hard, cold concrete, always wondering whether it will wear off, if you will be found out, if your last resort has finally failed you. Good intentions stumble with arms out, feeling the air, calling your name. They know you hide, but they cannot fathom why anyone would hide from such perfection, such love, such excellence, such help. Yes, help, the aid you so desperately need, that you keep yourself from being administered. A shot in the ass that will protect you but sting for a long time to come, and you like sitting, even here, on the unforgiving concrete, the concrete that refuses forgiveness as well as does not give it, and you attempt to do the same, but cannot. The aid weeps and cries. You try not to let your personal sobs be too audible, compressing them down with desperate hands. Eyelids drop shut, and for a moment, the world itself is as you, gone, unavailable, but when you open your eyes, it is there, and you are not. It spins by at such a rate that you feel your stomach become a faucet, the world’s rotation at just the right movement to turn its knobs, and your illness becomes apparent. Gravel digs into your palms as you try to steady yourself, sharp edges rubbing against lines of fate. You breathe. You blink. You watch existence move along without you, a conveyor belt carrying everyone along to the sorting chute, a ride you need to regain your footing on. You retch, and are covered in what you tried to swallow.

For a dream that spawned such vivid emotion, it sure did start out stupid. Anyway, here, let me tell you about it, I suppose!

I was with Essner in a mall, but it was not a normal mall. Every single “store” in the mall was actually a fancy restaurant/comedy club. There was basically every kind of food you could want. I remember a Mexican one, an Americana kind of restaurant, and a really futuristic-looking mostly bar kind of place. However, every single one had a stage, and every single one had a different comedy act performing for some reason. It was a pretty busy mall restaurant place.
I had apparently just finished up doing a performance at one of these restaurants. (Apparently I was a professional comedian. Who knew?) I had then met up with Essner for some reason I was not aware of. We were talking and walking through the mall, looking at the restaurants. Maybe we were searching for somewhere to eat?

Then, out of the shadows, someone or something jumped me. I got stabbed.

Essner and someone from a nearby restaurant pulled me off of the floor and into some sort of apartment. (Apparently there were also apartments above this mall of restaurants. The person who helped Essner carry me had some level of medical training or something, and basically just flat-out told me that this was fatal, and I wasn’t going to be alive for much longer.

This news felt incredibly real. I immediately pulled out my cell phone, and proceeded calling people and telling them I loved them. I made my mother promise to bury me in a dress and take care of Brer. I called my brother, my father, friends. I didn’t call Essner, because he was there, but I talked to him. I didn’t call Brer in the dream, because I was saving him for last and was just going to keep him on the phone until I was gone, and the dream didn’t get that far Most of these conversations had me crying.

Then I woke up, and I kept crying. I cried in bed for a long time. I texted my family to tell them I loved them, and I just let it all out. The feeling of needing to say goodbye, of not abandoning people like that… it was just overwhelming. It was really less the me dying part. That’s, you know, a thing, but I’ve been suicidal before, so it’s not very, like, odd feeling to me. I just found myself terrified that I couldn’t say goodbye to everyone, and that my dying would cause problems for everyone that I couldn’t fix. Frankly, that’s what always stopped me from trying, way back in the past.

In any case, it really shook me up. I’m fine now. I’m not going anywhere. But just… goodness. Dreams do not normally hit me like that. Or at all, really. Mm.

I went on and on about how I wanted to write a normal blog and then the next day I wrote a LINKBLOG! SICK BURN! I am just burning you up ALL OVER! Linking go!

Let’s start with Pony Corner!
Have I mentioned I am still excited for Fighting is Magic? So, so excited.
The explanation for this pony picture just makes me laugh. Also the picture itself.
I stumbled upon a pony Vriska so, you know, look at it.
Pony Animated Gif One!
Pony Animated Gif Two!
And finally, this picture is just badass. It’s a shame it’s orientation makes it unsuitable as a desktop background.

Now, on to another corner! This corner has videos! Well, non-pony videos, anyway.
They finally revealed how Skyrim Co-op works.
A twist on a classic scene that makes me giggle.
An impressive display of pointless skill. Ocelot would be proud.

Finally, let’s go over to random image corner, and look at some random images.
This is actually a twitter post. Sorry to mislead you.
Warning: this animated gif may be smile-inducing.
I still find this one so stupid it’s funny.
In case you were wondering, Three Word Phrase is still amazing.

And finally, the last corner. It’s the Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney Official Movie Website corner. Because that website is here. The trailer is amazing. I cannot wait. Seriously.

Wow, I really had a ton of open tabs! My browsers can breathe easier now, without all those links around. See you tomorrow!

I ended the week of poetry. If you came here for a poem: TOO BAD. No poem for you! Ha, totally burned.

But seriously, that was an interesting experiment for me. It felt… nice. I really did feel that compulsion to write like I feel the compulsion to write these blogs every day, and I was thinking all day about what the poem I was going to bang out was going to be. Sometimes I got caught off-guard, and did something completely different, but, you know. I was working. Planning. There was creative output to it. That’s… really neat.

One of the reasons I always loved doing workshops was the demand that I create something. That demand made it happen. I so often had plans and ideas that I wasn’t putting down on paper, and suddenly I had a deadline where I had to. I loved that. (I also loved discussing all that stuff with like-minded people, too, of course.)

This really worked that way! None of the poems I wrote were totally great, perse. (I liked the one about the shoes.) But they were all certainly poems. I’ve written worse first drafts in the past. I created! It felt good.

Basically, what I’m saying is, you’re probably going to be seeing more poetry here. Not all the time: during the experiment, I really did wish I could have written some old fashion style bloegs. You’ll still see them too. But I’m thinking maybe a poem a week? Maybe more if I feel inspired? I don’t know. It was nice to live up to my screen name again. I think I’ll keep that up.

It’s the final day of poetry week! I made myself write a sestina, probably because I hate myself. Enjoy!

Calendar Application

Reaching down, I check the screen,
seeing when I need to be gone,
away from this place, on time,
to my appointments happening then.
It’s a complicated list and I
am unable, sometimes, to comprehend.

I’ve no time allotted to comprehend
as it clearly blinks on the screen.
The day moves quickly, ahead, and I
manage to breathe before it’s gone.
The air bounces around inside, then
escapes, too quickly, on it’s own time.

You see, every action requires time
burning inside to make muscles comprehend
so they can push you forward and then
the miasma of tasks on the screen
can be completed, crossed off, gone.
Clicking, typing, erasing the last, I

feel momentary freedom, but, still, I
know that even if I feel done this time,
my daily grind will never truly be gone.
The minute voice I don’t comprehend,
attempting to distract me from the screen
and all the work being added then,

will whisper in silence, then
grow louder into a rumbling shout and I
will finally put my fist through the screen,
electric jolts making me shiver as time
for a moment, breaks, and I comprehend
the meaning of my schedule being gone.

My focus, ambition, lifeblood is gone.
While freedom brings smiles now and then,
an open life is hard to completely comprehend.
I sit here, unmoving, while I
listen to tick marks, counting time
and staring at shattered, fragmented screen.

The craving to comprehend is gone.
I shouldn’t fight the screen then?
I must embrace, but focus, this time.

Only one more poem left after this! But that’s in the future! For now, here’s a poem about a tree. Nature poetry! ALL OF THE GENRES, amirite?

Atomic Bonsai

Hidden beneath ceramic pot
lurks a terrible power.
Throbbing, thickening,
as it curls through the available soil.
Trunks, limbs,
spastic
surge forth from underneath,
becoming green
with undeniable energy.

Waves of it
irradiate
and I feel it in my paws
fingertips trembling
as I reach closer
picking it up
making it hover and spin above my palm.
I’m electromagnetic,
charged.
My glasses crack.
Wind swirls my hair just so.
There is life here,
contained,
and restricted,
atoms bubbling with power
waiting for
release.

I have kept this tree from flourishing.
I have dug claws into it
and squashed dreams of swaying in the wind
tree sex in the air
intoxicating,
and it’s need to be
another tree
refills my batteries
as I cough,
hair falling to the ground
in clumps.

It’s poem day! (Like every day this week!) This poem is about… well, you figure it out. Maybe you’ll know.

Failure to Adapt

It always starts as a good idea.
Genius, really,
a thought of kings,
balancing a crown atop
curvy cloud bubbles,
the sort of thought that injects
straight into your face
until you smile.

But there’s consequences.

A boulder rolls downward
and you stand to face it.
Stalwart
you stare into impending death
without showing fear.
The bubbles should be enough,
murmuring happily before you,
and if they don’t protect you,
nothing wrong with being a bit thinner.
Rolling, it picks up speed
soap impacting its surface.
A crown bounces on stone,
denting.
Compressed, you become batter,
stuck to ungreased pan,
and now is the time for regret
again.

Oaths are sworn.
Never again is the mantra
chanted among the cavern walls
and yet
it does
seem like it would work
next time.