The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

I don’t understand eye candy.

I mean, okay, I understand it? But I don’t. And I guess I need to give a definition of eye candy.

I read a tweet from someone a bit ago which said something along the lines of “I must say, though, that the biggest benefit of my new neighborhood is that there are a lot of cute girls here!” And while I understand why that would be the case in the abstract, I don’t really get it.

I mean, okay, the person enjoys ladies in a sexual manner. I get that. And so the person is interested in attractive ladies. Got it. And there are attractive ladies about. Yep. But why does that suddenly make things better? These ladies may not be into this person. These ladies may be total assholes and complete idiots. They may have nice bodies, but literally every single other thing about them may be completely repulsive and horrible. So why is it a benefit to have them around? How is having them around any different than having non-attractive ladies about, or men, or whatever? The chances of it changing this person’s behavior seem slim, unless she’s really going to just start asking people at random on dates, and I highly doubt that.

I bet I sound crazy writing this. I have no problem if I do. But I just don’t get it. I can evaluate somebody on being attractive or not, and if someone is dressed really nice or doing something to draw attention to themselves, I often do. But it’s really just an evaluation. I’m not getting any benefit out of that. I go “She looks fantastic,” and then I spend a few minutes evaluating my tastes to understand why I think that, and then I move on with my day. There’s no pleasure in the looking.

“But you enjoy looking at a nice pornography, like anyone would, though!” Well, yes, that’s true. But I have a lot of problems with that too. A lot of times, something about a picture will be off in such as way as to break the illusion. Then the person in the picture becomes a normal person, and then it doesn’t work for me anymore. I don’t know anything about that person in the picture. Why would I want to fuck them? She certainly doesn’t look like she’s into it anyway. I think this is why I got into the whole furry porn scene. There’s never that worry there. The art couldn’t be more fake. I can think in abstracts, come up with whatever backstory I need, and just enjoy the view.

Is it really that simple? Like that idea that I can’t abstract a view of someone I don’t know from the fact that they’re a real person who I don’t know and thus don’t know if I could be attracted to and thus don’t know if I would even be interested in engaging in such activities with?

I sound like a crazy person.

Hi, blog. How’s it going? Pretty good? Yeah, I’ve been doing okay.

It’s kind of nice having enough going on in your life, and having enough awesome in your life, that I don’t have to update you daily to feel like I’m not a complete failure. I think that’s pretty cool, to be honest. But I do look at you, blog, and I’m kind of sad that there’s no new content on you. It’s kind of creepy, to be honest.

Yeah.

But seriously, life’s been going pretty good, I think. I’ve been teaching quite a lot, and man, did I take on a big course load! But it’ll be worth it, and my classes, for the most part, have really cool people. I’m working on some neat projects with some of my online friends that I’m going to be posting about here when they’re released on the general public. I’ve been crying during sex still. Um… the dog has been all jealous that I’ve been leaving the house more and I’ve been dealing with that. I’ve played a lot of video games. Been playing some Dungeons and Dragons, and been being excited about 13th Age coming out, because man, that looks sweet, doesn’t it?

Yeah.

Seriously, though, it’s a complete relief not to have to update you. I love being able to get home and be exhausted and not go “oh fuck, I have to go type a blog, goddammit,” like I did for so many years. That’s really kind of nice. I’m going to keep taking advantage of that. I hope that’s okay.

Yeah.

I’m tired of all these tabs! Tired of them! Tabs! Have some links!

P-p-p-pony corner!
Can you walk?!
Picture perfect!
Perfect for Wallpapers of Telephones!
Slice of Life!

Animated Gif Corner!
Soccer One!
Soccer Romance!
Trampolines!
Sparing Your Enemy!
Cat Climb!
Boss.
Fox and Dog!
Ultimate Resourcefulness!

Finally, some randomness.
Feminists!
Pointing!
Lists!
Bond!

Okay, later!

Hi, blog. I don’t know why I’m not in bed, but that just feels wrong right now, and I feel like I’d just toss and turn and keep CJ up, so…

Anyway, we never talk any more, so let’s talk, huh, blog? Can we do that?

I told CJ earlier today that right now, the life I’m living now, is the happiest I have ever been. That’s factual, as far as I’m aware. I wasn’t trying to be hyperbolic. It just is so overwhelmingly frustrating when things break that. When I break, and it breaks that. I feel like such a fool, and a fuckup.

Look, okay, I’m going to talk about some personal sexytimes things here, so, you know, if that’s not cool with you, this is no longer the blog for you, and I understand.

I’m basically tired of sobbing uncontrollably every time I try to do something nice and sexy with my boyfriend. It’s, for whatever reason, become MORE constant instead of less, which I would have figured would have been the case. He loves me. He gets me. I have nothing to worry about. But… well… okay, so I got on this new pill… and all the sudden I’m like… super sensitive. Like seriously? And all over. And arousal is more like I had always heard it should be, more of an all-over experience instead of a centralized one. All that is fantastic, though a bit overwhelming (in a good way) at times. But I can’t enjoy it. Because CJ gets me all super-turned on, and then I know exactly what I want him to do and…! It’s physically impossible because I’m fucked up and incorrect. And this shakes me. And I try not to let it bother me, but then all my attention is on not crying instead of, you know, nice stuff, and then eventually CJ notices and asks me if I’m okay and if I try to actually speak a word I start crying. And crying. And crying.
There are so many nice things we could be doing together. So much I can do. So much I can still be involved in. But this breaks me every goddamn time.

I spent a long time trying to suppress things that I wanted, you know? And I found that that fucking sucked. That was terrible, and making me miserable. When I started recognizing that hey, I want things and hey, I deserve things, I felt a lot better. I want this. But I can’t have it. At best it’s thousands of dollars away, which I don’t have. It’s years away, realistically. Years of going to bed and failing to not be an idiot and breaking down and sobbing because my body is so fucked up. And I feel so much better now, overall, that that just feels like an impossible thing to endure. I used to be able to, because I have no choice. Now I feel like I do, and it’s hard. It’s really hard. But I don’t really have a choice. Not yet. And much like my ability to put up masks to hide my shitty emotional state, which completely broke down when I finally started feeling good most of the time, I continue to fail to find the ability to endure this and get on with my life and enjoy what I can do.

I can’t imagine what this must be like for CJ. He can’t really understand this stuff. I’m not really sure how he could help, and he doesn’t know either. He wants to show me he loves me, and he gets me sobbing for an hour for his trouble time and again for his trouble. He says he’s not frustrated as shit, but he must be, right? Fuck.

I don’t know if this actually makes any sense to anyone else, but if you did read it, thanks. I’m going to try to sleep now, I guess.
More blog soon, cause I’m sure as hell not leaving this the top blog post for long.

Here are two podcasts you may not be listening to, and if you aren’t, you are a terrible person. Or at least don’t like listening to awesome podcasts.

Idle Thumbs is back. Kickstarted and back officially now. Not progresscasts. The real deal. That’s really all I need to say. But my goodness, it is like… the same show! The same show I always loved. It’s pretty well exactly the same. That is so fucking awesome. Famous does a great job being the third dude. He fits right in. Listen to Idle Thumbs, goddamn.

The other new podcast I’ve been adoring is Retsutalk. Now, if you don’t watch Retsupurae, you probably should be, because slowbeef and Diabetus are pretty awesome and funny dudes. I dunno, I really like them. When they decided to do a podcast, though, I thought that was weird. I wondered if they’d be as entertaining without something to play off of. But Retsutalk is funny and interesting thus far, and I am really, really enjoying it. I hope they keep up with it and keep doing it.

That’s it for now. I’m all lame and not providing you content, so go get some good content from them, yeah? I’ll try to get back in the groove sometime.

Hi, blog! Let’s just pretend it hasn’t been like a week, yeah?

Last night I started watching this anime called Rin: Daughters of Mnemosyne on Netflix on a whim. I don’t know what I think of it yet. There’s so much sex it in, naked breasts every two seconds, and the whole thing often devolves into fairly graphic (to the point I have to look away) torture porn quite often, with the main character being maimed and injured in really horrific ways. At the same time, it’s kind of mystery-oriented, and the main character SEEMS like a good female character I can get behind? Though I’m still holding out judgement. Maybe I just like her because she wears her sexuality in a not bullshit way, even when she’s fucking guys and girls all the time. Maybe I’m being pandered to. It’s also an hour long anime show, which is weird, but I’m liking the longer format. It’s also a period piece set in the 90’s for no reason, so everyone has pagers and stuff. I want to know why they made that decision. I’m drawn to watch more, so I will. We’ll see what I think in the end.

Anyway, the main character, Rin, is an anime lady, so she has gigantic boobs, but most of the time she wears a suit, vest, tie setup that’s very masculine and binds her chest (Not like, to the point of her looking flat-chested, because gigantic anime boobs, but making her much more androgynous). She’s got like cufflinks, the whole works.

I like that look. I like it quite a bit. I think it’s incredibly sexy. I mean, I’ve always had relationships with more feminine ladies, probably because I’m pretty masculine, and those sorts of girls are lovely, but I’ve always been attracted to a more masculine, powerful woman too… I guess because that’s what I wanted to be. I kind of love anything that blends or breaks those kind of boundaries because of my past.

The point is, I wish I could be that badass sexy lady in a suit like that, but I’d probably just look like a guy, instead of a badass lady in a suit. Even if I found one cut in such a way that that didn’t happen, it’s likely it wouldn’t fit me: it’s impossible to find shit with long sleeves that actually can deal with my long arms. It’s probably a lost cause.

I don’t know. It’s weird that now that I am me I kind of want to embrace my most masculine aspects more. Now that I’m outwardly correct, I guess I no longer feel that constant pressure to hide that stuff so I don’t come off too manly or whatever. Or maybe I’m just more comfortable in general.

I really don’t know. Anyway, that’s a rant. Later, everyone.

Hi, blog! Man, it’s cool I update you so often, isn’t it?

I have been playing a ton of Blacklight: Retribution.

I don’t really know why. I mean, it’s a really well-made game. Pretty polished, besides them not being ready for their servers to be slammed when they added the game to Steam. You’ve got lots of weapon options and weird little gadgets you can equip if you’re into that, but the basic setup you start with it really all you need to have a good time, at least at the lower levels. It’s one of the best Free to Play games I’ve played since, I dunno, League of Legends? Actually, maybe Super Monday Night Combat.

But I’m just like… addicted to it. The moment to moment gameplay is pretty well just straight from Call of Duty, though there are big robots you can summon sometimes. It’s polished, but it is nothing special. But I guess it’s just been a long time since I played a straight-up shooter like this? I keep feeling cravings to listen to podcasts and play a few rounds, and I keep trying to figure out if I’m doing it just because it’s there, or because I actually think it’s really good.

I certainly have some issues with it. Unlocking ANYTHING takes an insane amount of time. Normally, this wouldn’t bother me. I’m happy to put money into Free to Play games I enjoy to say “Keep doing what you’re doing.” I mean, Steam says I’ve played this game for 7 goddamn hours so far, longer than many single player console games. But the costs associated with unlocking items permanently with real money is insane too. For 10 dollars I should get a full, complete gun, not just a fucking scope I can equip on some weapons. For 10 dollars, I should have most if not all of a particular build, you know? That’s the kind of pricing I’m used to, you know? Even when I played Super Monday Night Combat, I got the build I wanted, Combat Girl, for like 4 real world dollars. If I could put 10 bucks into the game and buy a neat gun I know I’d use every time, I probably would. Hell, if I want the little medic gun to revive people, that’s 10 bucks on its own, and I still wouldn’t have a real weapon. Plus, that’s the “level 1” medic injector thing. Later I’m sure I’d have to buy an upgraded one that would be even more money. I am not down with that.

However, man, the game is just real fun, even if you don’t pay for that stuff. I want to heal people, I want to have a burst fire rifle that’s more my style, but I’m playing with what they give me and renting weapons now and again and I am having a ton of fun, so I guess it’s hard to totally complain. I’d totally suggest it to anybody who wants to shoot a dude. Just play Domination, okay? Or at least another objective mode. Deathmatch is boring and frustrating. Everyone knows this.

Note that I never played The Witcher so I’m mostly coming into this knowing only what other people have randomly said about that game and this one.
Good stuff:

1. I like that the game does not come up with a really really stupid reason that Geralt does not have his skills from the end of Witcher 1. We get it. You have to have a level up system to make the game interesting. I appreciate them not trying to come up with some stupid thought process behind that.

2. I like that it feels like Geralt and Triss have an actual relationship, and aren’t just fuckbuddies. When I first saw her all naked and shit I’m like “Damn, there’s all that sex and collecting sex cards this game is about!” But by the end of the Prologue, I really felt like they were a couple with an active sex life, which is something I can 100% get behind.

3. I like that the game doesn’t beat you over the head with recap and instead expects you to be a smart person who can put two and two together. For all I know, the whole flashback at the beginning of the game was from the last game. I dunno if that’s new stuff or not. But I didn’t feel like the game took a ton of time rehashing things Geralt should already know, and I feel like I have a decent grasp of the world already. That’s how you do it right.

The Weird Stuff:

1. The sound in this game is fucked up. The voice acting is good, but when I walk into a building with a small candle, and it sounds like a roaring inferno in there, something is wrong. It was also weird when I was using a wooden club and it was making sword sounds.

2. Geralt loses his silver sword in the flashback, but suddenly has it back. The Witcher’s Silver Sword has to be something pretty rare or at least uncommon. It’s not like people would normally make a sword out of silver. How does he fucking just have a new one like… immediately? Did he have a spare somewhere stashed that Triss brought him? How did that happen? I highly doubt he got his sword back from that dragon.

Anyway, I’m impressed with the game so far. I’m going to keep playing. I mean, I dunno. Color me a horrible doubter, but even though Brian has told me how great this series is constantly, I assumed it was one of those “great” things that only he would like. It’s pretty darn accessible and interesting so far. I hope it keeps up.

Okay, so recently, I learned guy I am kind of friends with (pretty sure we’re friends, right?) but not super close to is gay. Or at least enjoys boys. He’s now dating someone else I know in a similar friends but only vague acquaintance on good terms friends kind of way. And this sort of made me feel confused and weird. And then I wondered why.

This isn’t the first time this has happened, I guess? I don’t know. Completely different friend, he was talking to some coworkers about relationships and really trying to dodge the question. I was trying to put things together awhile back and sort of decide in my head if he was or was not the sort to have The Leaning (Deep Cut Reference Few Will Get!), and that was why he was kind of dodging the situation, and I wondered why I devoted that much time to worrying about it. I still wonder why I get this urge where I must wrap my head around this. I mean, it doesn’t fucking matter! People can enjoy the company, sexual or otherwise, of whoever they want.

I think it just feels annoying and frustrating because, on an intellectual level, I 100% believe that it is “just a thing” and in no way a big deal or something to define who you are like… overall. It’s just a thing about you, in the same way you might, I dunno, be allergic to strawberries. It’s something that might be useful to know to keep from running into awkward situations, but it doesn’t change someone’s personality or anything silly like that. Yet, when I learn that about someone that my gaydar or whatever you want to call it has gotten a reading on the other way, I find myself a bit unsettled. I feel stupid about it, too.

I guess it’s not that weird to feel awkward about having to adjust one’s mental persona of another person. That’s hard. I mean, I know that’s why so many people had issues they had to work through with my transition and such. But this is so much smaller. I guess it has baggage with it, much like the male/female thing does, but it shouldn’t? And it’s not like I’m going to give a shit about that anyway.

Maybe it’s a worry that I’m missing something I should be doing in how I’m treating them that they’d prefer. “Have I done something that’s made them feel like they shouldn’t tell me? Or was uncomfortable being honest before this point? Did I say something stupid to hurt them because I didn’t know?” It’s a fear, I guess, that I’m going to do something insulting I don’t mean if I don’t make sure to interalize this information completely and think through it. I guess that makes sense, as I’ve seen people make stupid mistakes like that around me and make me feel bad, not that I held that against them. (Well, until they just kind of constantly did it for months and months, then I was like, “Are you even trying? I mean, seriously.”)

Maybe that’s all it is.

I dunno.

So here’s a thing I was going to write about back when it was relevant but didn’t. I’m going to do it anyway, though. Neat.

Nintendo kinda went “Yeah, okay, we’re making Animal Crossing on 3DS, and it’s going to use Streetpasses!”

Man, I hope they don’t fuck this up.

Look, I enjoy Animal Crossing. I am pointlessly entertaining writing letters to fake people. I played the Gamecube version so much! But like so many Nintendo properties, they never change it. If they want me to buy this, it’s got to change, and just adding Street Passing isn’t going to do it. I mean, I love Street Passes, even though I can never pull them off. The game should totally have cool Street Pass functionality. But that’s lame, if that’s the only thing. Seriously, look at how lame the online functionality of, say, City Folk was. It was PRETTY LAME. (Or so I heard. Nothing about that game vaguely made me want to buy it!) I need more if they want my money. Swapnote is neat, and proves Nintendo could make some COOL SHIT. Animal Crossing should be full of that.

Animal Crossing needs to go INSANE with Spotpass. I need to be able to write letters to my friends, AND to my friend’s town’s citizens. I need to be able to draw pictures to send to people. (Maybe on different stationary?) I need to be able to hang it on my walls. I need to have citizens from other towns come on vacation to my town and talk to me, and then they go back and tell my friend all about meeting me. I need to be able to make a photo album or something in my town that I can share with people or leave there like a little storybook for visitors. I know, probably, letting people visit my town while I’m away is impossible, but there are so many other things they could put in here. Maybe some group project for the “National” museum that you and all your friends work towards?

I mean, I’m just throwing stuff out here. I know it’s all easier said than done. But the thing is, Nintendo is smart enough to do all this stuff, or stuff that’s even better. They should make it happen. All this, and maybe the ability to digitally download the game and have it always on my 3DS to check in on every once and awhile, would make it a fantastic experience that I would WANT to get back into. I want to be excited about Animal Crossing. But the way Nintendo just rehashes shit and won’t take risks just… well, it’s kept me from playing Pokemon for a long time, and goddamn do I love me some Pokemon. But I can’t handle a Pokemon or a Zelda anymore because they are just too much the same fucking thing. I kind of don’t want that to happen to Animal Crossing for some reason. It has such potential.