November 28, 2011

The Spoils of Strapping It On.

Today is the last day to use the milk in my refrigerator.

Today is also the day where I talk Saints Row The Third spoilers. Remember when I said that yesterday? I didn’t lie. If you want to play this game, and you damn well fucking SHOULD, you should not spoil yourself on it. So go away if that’s the case. Otherwise, feel free to read on.

—SPOILARZ BEGIN—

Fuck, that Saints Row the Third, eh? What in the game wasn’t amazing?
Seriously, though. I just have to point at a few things and go “Holy Shit!”

The mission where you are rescuing Zimos from the sex club was the first time I totally lost it. I am no stranger to this stuff, and when the manager mentioned “pony barn” I had a good idea where things were going. Still, the utter absurdity of the shootout on the Pony Carts, and the fact that they explode, just made me break out into laughter. I could barely shoot. I was involved in something so fucked up! It was beautiful. It was then that I knew I had made no mistakes about my love for this game.

The major setpieces of the game, where you’re destroying the rival gangs of the Luchadores and the Deckers, are equally fucked up, and I love them so much. When Matt started making my game lag in the Decker attack, and it really was exactly like a laggy FPS, I just couldn’t help but giggle. Similarly, every single bit of the showdown wrestling match with Killbane was just… perfect. It was ridiculous, and I loved it.

One little detail that kept showing up in the game that was so stupid, I had to love it, was my backpack. At some point, I bought this stupid bright pink kitty backpack and wore it. For whatever reason, whenever my character put on a costume, she’d still have the backpack on. I was wrestling with that thing! It just made the whole situation all the more ridiculous. It was perfect for the Boss’s character.

As far as the ending goes, I really have to say I like the “good guy” ending much better. I picked that one first, of course, because I am predictable, and everything about the Gangstas in Space mission was a joy. I was laughing. I can’t wait to play more of that, seeing as I threw down for the DLC. The other set of missions just… well, they were crazy, but they just lacked the humor. It was appropriate for the Saints to basically decide to have Steelport secede from the United States for no reason. That is dumb and also ridiculous. But just… a different kind of ridiculous. That one might be the more “true” ending for people who played the first two games, but I wasn’t a huge fan.

I think that’s about all I have to say. I am waiting desperately for the DLC. I felt like it was overpriced, but dammit, I want more of this game. So I bought it. I hope it lives up to the awesome titles.

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