The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

I keep falling asleep.

It normally happens when I sit down at my desk. I’ll turn on a youtube video or a let’s play or something, and then I’ll just dose off. I’ll keep snapping back awake, because I’m not supposed to be sleeping, but I can’t seem to help it. Eventually, this leads to be, angrily, going to bed. I then sleep, and wake up the next day. But I’m still tired.

I guess I haven’t been getting enough sleep? But I feel like I’ve been sleeping about as much as I normally do. Maybe it’s just the emotional exhaustion. I really have been running a million miles an hour, emotionally and physically. I’ve been doing so much. I’m ridiculous like that.

I felt like it really all came to a head the other day. I was playing Magic with everyone, and I was bringing by Blue/Green deck. This deck has counterspells, including my beloved Mystic Snake. I literally couldn’t focus on the game enough to be able to counter anything. I couldn’t follow it. I kept drifting off. It kind of embarrassed me.

I need a break, but I don’t think I’m going to get one. The best I can do is try to keep knocking things out, and keep making progress. At the end of the tunnel, I might be able to relax.

Also, napping. I need to nap more aggressively.
Eh, I’ll figure something out, right? Probably? I mean, sleep is just another thing to schedule, right? I can do that, can’t I?
Sure I can.

Apparently, Twitter made some sort of weird change. All of the sudden, WordPress plugins couldn’t post things to twitter because they weren’t a “registered application.” This is made more ridiculous by the fact that the website itself needed to be registered as an application, not just the plugin, so the people making the plugins that did such things couldn’t actually fix the problem. It was fantastically annoying.

I mean, I kind of understand why Twitter is doing that. You don’t want a bunch of random gunk messing up the system, so you make it so anything that posts to twitter has to register, so you can shut it off quickly if it’s doing nothing but generating waves of spam. I get it. But that’s just a really annoying bit of hoop to have to jump through, as a little person who just enjoys writing a stupid blog, and who has been having success sharing said blogs on twitter. (Seriously, people asked me what was up when it stopped posting. People followed my blogs! It was scary!)

Anyway, I think I’ve got it fixed now, but I thought I’d just write about what was going on, seeing as when I Googled for information about this, I had a really hard time learning about the problem. This has to be a really wide-spread issue. I’m kind of surprised that more people haven’t been talking about it. Like, you’d think that blogs would pick up on the issues being caused. Then again, I guess, in the big scheme of things, this is really nothing at all. It’s not like I couldn’t still write my bloegs and whatnot. Still, people raise huge-fucking shitstorms over much less. I expected to find people complaining with attached solutions easily, and I didn’t.

But yeah, so that’s what was going on. Hopefully it’s working again now. I got registered and got a more robust plugin, so things should be rocking and rolling. I’ve continued to post to the blog every day, even when the plugin was down, so if you’ve missed and really want to see what I have to say for some reason, feel free to scroll down.

And thanks for reading anyway. That’s pretty neat of you.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Time Management.

Mostly in the context of adding way, way more to do to my schedule, and if I can pull it off.

Honestly, I think I’m pretty good with time management. I can normally fairly safely estimate the amount of time a task will take me to complete, and slot it in in a time where I know I will get it done. I understand how I work, and when I will be reluctant to work, and I can fit things in.

However, the one thing I can’t stand organizing and scheduling is my free time.

I hate having to parcel off my free time. I hate going “Here is the hour in which I will do a vidjeo gam.” I really dislike that. It turns the very act of relaxing into work, and it frustrates me. I know it sometimes frustrates Brer when I hate him constantly asking me when we can schedule viewings of shows we’re trying to watch together. It just makes watching it seem like more work.

All this potential stuff that I could add to my plate… all of it would start to require such strict scheduling of my time, in order to get my schoolwork done, that I feel like all my free time, not just some of it, would start to fall under scheduling concerns. Frankly, it scares me, because it makes me feel like I’ll never have time to unwind. I’m a creature of habit, but when I sit down to relax, I don’t want to feel forced into doing one thing or another. I want to be able to let my whims roam free for the first time that day. That’s what relaxes me. Just letting me do what I want, without worrying about deadlines or scheduling. At least for awhile.

I work best when I can set a cutoff time, where all the rest of my time that day is mine. That’s when I work best. I’ll have so much less opportunity to do that if I take this up. But it’s also a good opportunity. Arg.

I guess this is growing up. If you want to have cake AND eat cake, you have to get everything in gear to make it happen. I know I can make it happen. The question is more… will I be happy making it happen? That’s what I’m wondering. I don’t know the answer.

But I’ll try, and we’ll see.

You can tell I’m stressed because I’m standing up for myself.

Or at least being very clear about it.

Allow me to offer some examples.

A student who has shown up about 35 minutes late for class every time so far e-mails me asking me about assignments he’d know about if he’d actually show up. Instead of just ignoring this, as I normally would, I said, though in a polite way, that if he’s show up to class he’d already know this.

Similarly, once at Kohl’s, I left a passive-aggressive note telling people to actually pay attention and put toppers away in the right spot so I don’t have to sort them, as well as standing up for how ridiculous some of the accusations against my team are. Anger was the basis for this.

I’m just tired of being pushed around. I’m still a professional. I’m not going to break down. But shit, something in my life has to give somewhere. Even if it is just little things like scolding these little transgressions. Something needs to go my fucking way.
I mean, things are. I continue to have the BEST FUCKING FRIENDS AND SIGNIFICANT OTHERS I could ever ask for. You all help me get through the day, and you’re all completely, without restraint, awesome. Still, I feel bad for leaning on you constantly. I’ve had to. I shouldn’t. Something has to give so I can stand on my own.

Maybe this is the prelude to bigger things. Maybe once actually being proactive and working to make myself happy works, I’ll finally finish off all the stupid bullshit standing in the way of my happiness. Eh, even if it doesn’t work, I’ll go that way. Of course I will.

Of course I will.

Until then, though, don’t like… throw cans in the trash can. They don’t go there. Little things. You know?

Hey, guess what! It’s time for a blowoff post where I point you at someone else’s content you should watch!

Okay, it’s only kind of shirking my duties that only I think I have, I suppose. But hey, people make better stuff than me, You should go enjoy it.

Like, say, this Dead to Rights video LP. It is completely excellent and entertaining. Jack Slate is one amazing individual who knows how to shoot a guy with a gun.

I think it’s ironic that watching this LP made me put the new relaunch of the series, Dead to Rights: Retribution, really high on my Gamefly queue. Just saying. Nobody was saying that game was great or anything, but now I really want to try it! Plus, it has ninja dog stealth sections, apparently.

Anyway, watch that. Hopefully you’ll enjoy it as much as I did. Come back tomorrow, where I will probably have written some stupid bullshit for you to read. Huzzah!

Applebee’s removed their burger from their 2 for 20 menu. I honestly don’t understand why. One would think the burger would be one of the cheapest things they could serve on that menu, which would mean they’d jump for joy when I ordered it. But no, it was gone, so I had to think fast on what I was going to order. I really wanted fries, so I stayed away from the good-looking pastas. I wanted to be adventurous.

So I ordered the Riblets.

I love ribs. I love ribs a lot. I figured, how bad could they be? But they were so bad. So bad.

One of the reasons ribs are awesome is because they’re sort of… self-contained. They have grips on the sides, and you clean the bone off, and then you grab another. All the meat is easily accessible without any issues or any silverware. Riblets are apparently the exact opposite of this. They’re completely coated in BBQ sauce so that you get completely and utterly messy no matter what you do. Inside the riblet, the bones are hiding, so you can’t see them half the time, and they’re so tiny that it’s incredibly hard to get the meat out from around them to eat. It is basically the anti-rib. Not to mention it soaked the fries I wanted so badly with BBQ sauce that I couldn’t enjoy them either. I felt messy constantly, and it felt like more work than it takes to eat Crab, and I love crab. It was just an overall bad experience.

Does this mean I’m back out of love with Applebee’s? Maybe. Probably not, but maybe. At the very least, I’m not making that horrible mistake again. Ugh. What was the person who put that dish together thinking?

I have heard people, mostly Brickroad, go on and on about how awesome Pepsi Throwback is. It’s made with real sugar, and is apparently something to stockpile! However, even though I am quite the Pepsi-drinker, I’ve never really gone and gotten a Pepsi Throwback. However, during my last trip to St. Louis, I stopped to purchase a beverage on the way home, and was shocked to find a bottle of Pepsi Throwback on offer. It wasn’t any more expensive or anything, so I figured I had to jump at this opportunity.

It was alright?

Having heard so much about it, I admit I was expecting some sort of miraculous difference. However, the only real taste difference was in the aftertaste. It was different, slightly better, but not significantly so. I was kind of shocked.

Granted, I’m sure pure sugar is SLIGHTLY better for me than Corn Syrup, and it was a slight improvement. However, I’m certainly not going to go to the ridiculous lengths required to stockpile this stuff. It’s not just everywhere, you know? It does take some effort. I just can’t see that effort being worth it. Good on the people who do, though, I suppose.

I also have to wonder why Pepsi is doing this. Are they really bringing in more customers this way? Are there people who say “No way am I buying a Pepsi unless it has sugar instead of Corn Syrup!”? I guess there must be, or they wouldn’t have kept making it. Good for them, I guess, but I’ll probably stick with normal Pepsi. Neither of them are really good for me anyway. Heh.

I am super busy, as I can get. Things are happening and happening. So hey, here’s a linkdump post.

Through the Talking Time IRC and various talkings about it. I discovered this youtube channel. Retsupurae is pretty funny stuff. I mostly enjoyed the LPs of various horrible flash games that are up there. However, Val informed me, and watching them proved, that they are also well-known for doing riffs on horrible video LPs. I have been watching and doing much laughing. Plus, several of the videos have General Ironicus of Chip and Ironicus in them, so that’s an extra benefit.

And hey, making that link had me learn that there’s a new LP started up on that site, too, so I’m excited to check that out.

Here, also, is a Persona 3 comic I’ve been holding onto for awhile that I find quite funny. Captured things really well. I’m surprisingly far into P3P at this point, but I haven’t played in awhile. Hopefully I’ll keep plodding away and finishing it. I keep playing in like 2 hour chunks at random times, which is working pretty well for me.

Anyway, I hope those links give you some entertainment today. Come back tomorrow for something vaguely more interesting. Or actually probably less interesting. Who knows.

On Monday, my students came to class having read the wrong chapter. I wrote the wrong one on the board, and they did the wrong assignment. This kind of caused me to have to ad lib for the class that day. I feel like I did alright with having planned to talk about a completely different thing. It certainly wasn’t a huge deal, and we got over it. My schedule for the semester is not thrown off really badly. It’s just a thing that happens. A small oops.

However, it kind of destroyed me. It threw me into a huge depressive state, and I went home and hid, even though I still had things to do that day. I haven’t done that in a long time. It was really upsetting. I tried to explain this to Brer, but unfortunately for him he chose the wrong time to use humor to try to cheer me up, and it didn’t really get across. I couldn’t really explain why this was such a serious event. I guess I’m about to try here.

There were those two years of school where I got nothing done because I was so depressed. I stayed at home, hid, and played video games locked in my room. I didn’t get anything done, because I couldn’t muster any energy to. Then, I turned myself around, and focused. I haven’t fucked up since. I’ve kept a 4.0, kept up with my job and such with no issues. Even as I’ve gotten depressed, more depressed than I can ever remember being, I stuck with it. I didn’t make mistakes.

This was a mistake. It’s a mistake I could have made, even if I wasn’t depressed, and it isn’t a big deal. But it’s a mistake.

Work is kind of the last safe haven for me at this point. While I’m working on things. I don’t have time to be depressed. I don’t have time to worry. I have to complete the tasks at hand, and I do complete them. I do them well. No matter how shitty things got, my work wasn’t going to slip. I was still going to be a hard worker. I was still going to be someone you can depend on to get things done. These things are important to me. They help keep me going.

Writing the wrong number in class makes me feel like I am truly falling apart. It makes me feel like I am, slowly but surely, being defeated by all this bullshit, and that just makes me even more depressed. I can’t lose this fight. But I wrote the wrong number on the board! It’s the first glimpse at how I’m going to slip. Or so the evil part of my brain tells me. It’s frustrating and makes me want to cry.

I know I’m going to do just fine. As I said, I’ve already fixed the problem. Not a big deal. Nothing got thrown out of wack, and I’m still a good teacher. Plus, while I was so obscenely depressed, Jonathan, Spaeth, and Kevin came over to game and cheer me up, and that was a huge help. (It also taught me that, man, I have lost all skill I once had at Smash Bastards.) I’ve got great friends, and I’m a good worker. I’ve got this covered.

But that stupid 14 instead of an 11 was an omen. I wrote a poem about how it all comes down to 14. Fourteen times I fucked up and fourteen times I didn’t, and I’ll do it again fourteen times.
Bleh.

I guess I’ll write an update on how the whole “fighting with my parents over me transitioning” thing is going.

I feel like it’s going better. I certainly feel less like complete garbage. I’m not great, but it’s not bad. This has a lot to do with how awesome my friends are. Cole and Cara, Essner, Jonathan, Spaeth, Ecks, even the wolfie, and of course Brer… everyone has gone above and beyond the call of duty. I am so, so fucking lucky to have such good friends. I can’t express how lucky I am. They’ve helped me to survive all of this so far.

In addition, I think things are turning around with the parents. My mom said the other day that she is “trying” to be mad at me, but she can’t because I’m still her “child.” Maybe I’m reading too much into that… but “child” was a weird word to pick… and I feel like that means it was chosen on purpose. Instead of “son”. Which made me feel a lot better, certainly. She’s also just talking to me again in general, which is a good sign. She’s also at least slightly backing off on the kicking me out thing, which is also nice.

I’ve screamed at my parents, I’ve called their bluffs, I’ve done all sorts of things I really don’t want to do to make it clear this is something serious, and I suppose it is working. It’ll all work out. I wish I didn’t have to force my way through, though. I wish they could just get it. But this stuff is so hard, nobody really could immediately. I understand that. But I understand I can’t let that stop me from making my way forward. Things are going to work out.

It just takes a long time, you know? A long while.
It’s certainly a closer while than it used to be, though. I tell myself that all the time. Affirmations. Etc.
Yeah.