The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

I have an invitation to my 10 year (!) high school reunion, and I suppose I am going to go for some reason or another. It’s… weird. I feel like I should go, almost have to, but in some ways I don’t know why.

Let’s face it, this reunion is going to be pretty well boring and awkward all around. The vast majority of attendees don’t know I’ve transitioned, so that’s going to result in either everyone completely ignoring me and staying far away from the freak, or having to answer a barrage of the same questions over and over again. I’m not sure which one would be worse, to be honest. On top of that, the reunion involves a mass, something I haven’t been to since, I dunno, Layne got married? (Well, I was at Jonathan and Shauna’s wedding, clearly, but that was Baptist, so it kind of doesn’t count?) That’ll be weird, certainly. Then we’re going to a winery which means drinking which is not really my bag in any way. Then I dunno what happens after that. Probably more drinking? That’s what people do, right? Finally, I don’t really have all that many friends from high school to meet and spend time with who I don’t already see on a regular basis. Most of my friends stuck around here, and we’re still friends, you know?

At the same time, I just feel like it would be stupid not to go. I mean, I live here. It’s like no trouble at all to go. What’s more, the last thing I want is people asking about me to those who know about my situation and they, inadvertently I’m sure, explaining my new life in a way I don’t agree with or, worse, ignoring it entirely. That idea bothers me. Not so much that they’re talking behind my back, people do that, but that they’d basically have no chance to find out what’s really going on even if they wanted to. They’ll be gone, and I almost certainly won’t even have a vague chance of seeing them again until five years from now or whatever. People liked me, even if I wasn’t super-close with them, you know? I don’t want to awkward things up in a way I can’t help with. Sure, me being there may awkward things up a bit too, but that’s different. I can explain myself, and what’s more, it’ll be really fucking clear that I am really fucking happy. I’ll have a boyfriend at my side, I’ll be looking good, and I’ll be happy, and that will come across. Maybe they’ll get it. (Plus, I think CJ would like to do something like go to a winery, which makes little sense for me to do, so maybe this is a nice way to do that for reasons I don’t feel like I can veto.)

There was a time I wanted to run away from my old life and disappear, you know? I thought it would be easier. But as I get older, and as I finally got around to transitioning, I realized that would be basically the worst idea. I love my family, I love my friends, I love this city, and I loved my life. Sure, I had one big, glaring problem with it, brain problems, but the life itself was FANTASTIC. I don’t want to forget it all happened, and hide from it. It made me who I am, and I’m so lucky to have been involved with awesome people and had such a good time of it, even while I was dealing with my issues.

So I guess I want to make sure I’m not hiding from that past just because it’s easier. I want to say to myself that there’s no problems here, because there aren’t. I want to step into that and show them I am successful, and awesome, just like them. I’m just a lady now, as I always was inside. Fuck, several of them knew about it back then.

I’m going. If it’s a disaster, it’s a disaster, but I feel like I have to do this. Worst case, CJ and I will run far away and go eat a snowcone and laugh about how stupid this idea to go to my reunion was. But at least I’ll know I didn’t run away from it, you know?

Open letters are fun, right? Let’s pretend so.

Hi, CJ! I’ve known you a long time, but this is the first time I’ve even known when your birthday was, and certainly the first time I’ve celebrated it. Is that bad? Maybe? I don’t know. I’d forget my own parents’ birthday if I didn’t have it set up in my phone to throw out a huge reminder at me, so I can’t feel too bad about it. I’m just that oblivious, really. But I’m glad I finally get to.

I have never been the kind of person who jumps into anything. Oh, sure, I feign at chaos and such at times, but I always act in a very controlled fashion. I worry and plan and want everything to go well and do everything I can to insure that, instead of just living in the moment. That’s the person I am. And I look back on our relationship and I go “what the fuck, did I really do that so quickly?” It’s been fast and crazy and I wouldn’t trade it for a moment. Because you know what? Things are better, so much better, now that I am not alone in this house. I knew I was kind of lonely here, but I didn’t realize how much until I had someone to run around with, cook dinner for, and laugh with like all the time. We both were lonely, so we tried something crazy, and now here we are, and our insanity is totally, totally working.

This is the start of the family of my dreams, for serious. You being here is the start. It’ll only get better from here. And plus, my parents and brother and sister-in-law are totally taking you out to dinner tonight and buying you presents, so you’re trapped in this thing now with no escape. NO ESCAPE!

I’ve been tired and cranky and working constantly… but you’ve done so much to make that all okay, and hopefully I’ve managed to make your days a little better too. Thank you for being here. Happy Birthday. This may be the first time I celebrate it with you, but it sure as hell won’t be the last.

I can’t do this tonight. I’m too tired.
I can’t do this tonight.

You don’t know how much this frustrates me. Supposed to write something every day. But it’s not worth the struggle. It’d probably take me like an hour to put something together that I would consider coherent enough to post, and I just can’t spare that time. I need sleep. Like, for fucking serious, I need sleep. I’ve been falling asleep at the wheel constantly while driving. I can’t focus on my work because I’m exhausted all the time. I need sleep.

So I’m really sorry. I’ll write something tomorrow, promise. Just give me this, okay? I am begging myself to be okay with skipping a day here, basically. Please be okay with that. I’m going to bed.

I am still exhausted. My work schedule is just bleh! Today I was teaching on like 3 hours of sleep, and then I took a long nap, and waking up from that nap, I felt so terrible, so fucking terrible, oh my gods. I’m mostly back now, still a little off, but I’ve got to go to work and then wake up early again, so I’m not looking forward to it. Yay for work and then more work and then more work! Ugh, I need to quit Kohl’s.

We’ve watched a ton of Adventure Time and I have learned to love the Lumpy Space Princess. She’s clearly the best character. I also find that I can do pretty well a perfect impression of her, which I have been doing pretty well constantly since. I have used this to ultimate romantic advantage.
I was smoochin’ with CJ, as I often do, and I get this idea in my head, but I’m like, “I don’t want to ruin the moment.” After the smooching, I point out that I had the perfect idea to ruin the mood, and he’s like “What was it?” so I pull him in for more making out to show him. We kiss for awhile, and then I break, and whisper in my best Lumpy Space Princess impression “I knew you liked me.” We then fell over laughing for like 5 minutes. I am an idiot. Also the queen of seduction. I can give lessons, if you want.

I think the IRS is making fun of me, and I’m really mad about it, even though it’s kind of a stupid thing to be mad about.
Basically, I got my tax return a few days ago, and it was addressed to my old name. I got really pissy. It’s not like I filed under my own name! It’s been a goddamn year since I got it changed, and all my paperwork was under Alexis. They obviously read the form to get the number they had to send me on the check, as well as my new address, which has changed since then. Yet, here we are. I deposited the check, fumed for awhile, and then moved on with my life.
Then today, the IRS sends me a check for a fucking DOLLAR to my old name. They are just trying to make me mad. Who can I punch to remedy this?

I’m going back to be… oh wait, I have to go to work. Yay. Later, blog. Sorry this is a bit short.

Here’s a thing that I point out like every single time I watch ponyshow and is really so stupid and says a lot about my level of obsession. But eh, I’m going to get it out anyway.

Why can’t they keep their background ponies straight?

In the most recent episode, you had Lyra and Colgate as bridesmaids for the evil clone of Princess Cadance.
Why?
Lyra and Colgate live in Ponyville. Like, full time. Why would they be involved with Cadance in any way? Why would they be chosen for that? I asked these questions because they bother me in the stupidest way possible.

This really happens all the time. They have background ponies they just throw into shots, in locations that aren’t Ponyville, and I just have to wonder why the hell they’re there. It just doesn’t make any sense for all of Ponyville to follow the Mane 6 about on their adventures. Berry Punch, Golden Harvest… why does Pinkie Pie imagine them as floozies specifically in her little story in MMMMystery on the Friendship Express? I just want to know why!

I guess it’s me being too english-major-y and whatnot to expect their to be reasons behind this. But it just seems like it’s incredibly easy to make a “new pony.” You just pick some colors and draw a random cutie mark. We’ve seen cutie marks so ridiculous that you could really draw about anything, and then it’s a new nameless background pony. Why not do that when the cast is in Canterlot, and leave the Ponyville background regulars to Ponyville, you know?

It takes me out of the show. About cartoon ponies learning lessons about friendship. So, you know. Fix that, Hasbro.

(I am so lame.)

Last night, I cooked a thing. Well, okay, we had a fancy dinner time meal double date thingy with Jonathan and Shauna, and we cooked steaks and stuff. It was neat! I wanted some potatoes to go with my meal, and I had all these mashed potatoes left over from making potato skins and I’m like “what kind of crazy thing can I make?” And I ended up making these Potato Knishes, and they were really nice! It was totally cool to make them!

I’ve been doing all kinds of stupid cooking experiments like that. Well, CJ and I, of course. We made Shrimp Skewers, and I made a whole rack of dry rub ribs with a rub I put together myself, and we did all sorts of cooking things that I never would have really seriously attempted before. I mean, sure, I still do things like stick pizza rolls in the oven and cram them in my mouth for dinner on occasion, but seriously, I am doing so much more cooking now. What’s more, I find that I’m planning my day around it. I find myself looking at an empty day and going “it’s time for a food adventure!” because that’s a good use of my free time.

I only mention all this because this just feels like a really crazy change for me. The concept of cooking was always appealing to me, in the same way that I always felt like drinking wine would be nice in concept, even though I really rather hate wine and all the alcohols. I just never really expected myself to cook other than, you know, quick stuff. The bare minimum. Things from boxes and whatnot.

Yet here I am. I do this stuff a couple times a week now, it seems. At least every once and awhile. I just wonder what changed. Is it just that I have someone to cook for now? I mean, that’s kind of a nice thing. He also really keep telling me how good a cook I am (lies) which is a nice ego boost and makes me feel like I can try more complex things. Is that all it is? Or am I just getting old, and that’s what old women do: cook a thing.

I don’t know. But I kind of like it. I also like that I feel no pressure if I want to just go “fuck it, pizza” as well. It’s a no pressure thing. It’s a hobby. I can get used to this.

I also played some Pokemon Rumble Blast because, you know, I played some Pokemon Rumble Blast.

I mean, I really like Pokemon Rumble. It was simple, and silly, but running through dungeons with friends was a lot of fun, and it was adorable. I guess that’s all I really need! I thought it was really worth my Wiiware bucks. I figured that expanding it into a full game would be a fine idea, one that would result in a game I wanted to play.

But it really didn’t.

For one, and this is more a me problem, it’s focused on the Black and White Pokemon. I guess I’m just getting old, but seriously, I do not give a crap about the new Pokemon at all. Maybe they’re cool. I dunno! I can’t focus on Pokemon games proper anymore to really figure it out. Maybe if they put out another Pokemon Mystery Dungeon with the new guys I’ll see them. But really, that was kind of a turnoff, having to play with them, I’ll be honest. I wanted to roll with my favorites, as per always. That’s why I love Pokemon! You can pick and choose the ones you love and stubbornly use them even when other options might be better! It’s sweet! But yeah, who knows how far I would have had to get to get to the Pokemon I really enjoy.

Secondly, the gameplay was exactly the same. Like exactly the same! It’s really simple button mashing dungeon crawling. There’s really nothing to it. While that’s fine, I suppose, I found that I only really found that entertaining in a group format. With a friend, swapping Pokemon and slaughtering other Pokemon is kind of fun, because you’re talking, you’re interacting with another person, and you’re trying out the really shitty Pokemon just for the hell of it because your friend can pick up the slack. When you’re alone, you’re stuck with the clearly best Pokemon, so there’s little experimentation, and all encounters are basically exactly the same. It’s really unfortunate. Maybe if I had a friend with another 3DS and the game, it would be fun? But that’s a really annoying setup, when I could just play Pokemon Rumble on my Wii with minimal effort.

Yeah, I don’t know. Maybe there will be 3DS games I want at some point? I want to play RE: Revelations and The Mercenaries, but I can wait until The Mercenaries is dirt cheap and for when Gamefly sends me Revelations. But yeah, so far, not too engaged with these 3DS games… well, besides Skylanders, because it’s fucking SKYLANDERS.

Note before I even get started: If this becomes a game I will actually run, I will reread Watership Down and Tales from Watership Down before I go about writing any of the flavor text. I am doing this off memories of books I read a long time ago at this point. I am not sure if I am going to have the tone write in this prospective write-up. I only mention this because that sort of thing REALLY matters to me as a writer. So. If the tone’s not right, this was mostly to get a basic gameplan of the plot and mechanics down. Okay? Okay.

And now, the pitch.

Like so many things, trouble crept up slowly. The scent on the wind seemed insignificant until it was too late. In retrospect, the signs were there, and I simply could not see them. The Cult of Inlé built its numbers slowly, and seemed normal enough at first. Even the coup that brought Hraknilrah into powered seemed fair enough: it had felt like a change could be useful. But it soon became clear things weren’t that simple. Hrkanilrah used his oswala to push rabbits left and right into joining the cult. Soon, those who did not give in began to disappear, and those remaining were told “it was their time.” We does were skittish and frightened. Many joined, worried for their kits if they did otherwise.
I did not stand by.
I talked to the bucks and does who were trying to resist. I spoke of the need to leave: the need to escape this predicament. Many did not want to go. Many did not want to live as hlessil, wandering aimlessly without a warren to call home. But as more and more disappeared, they knew they had no choice, and they joined me, one by one.
We made a plan. We knew when the time was right. We knew who of the oswala was the weakest, and who we could overpower. Everything was set. We would finally be safe.
But you… I trusted you. I thought you were on my side. But you told Hrkanilrah. He prepared. But he couldn’t stop us all. Even now, they’re running, far from here, to safety. I wish I could be there to help them, instead of under your foot, with your claws in my chest and your teeth at my neck. I’m sure Hrkanilrah had a backup plan. I’m sure not all of the group that got away has pure intentions. I had thought about this. Planned for it. And now those plans are useless, and they are on their own.
But I am not afraid to die. I will stare down the Black Rabbit and laugh. Despite all you and your cult have done, they will survive and live on. You betrayal will, in the end, amount to nothing. I know it.

Watership Mafia

The town are the Refugees of the lair of the cult, attempting to establish a new life from themselves away from the dangers the cult represents. However, hidden amongst their group are cultists, our Mafia faction, sent along with the refugees in order to take them out, as nobody is allowed to quit, and nobody is allowed to disagree. The Refugees may vote to banish one rabbit from their group each day, sending them out into the harsh wilderness they find themselves in with little chance for survival. The Cultists get a night kill and night chat as per usual, and of course, can vote to banish just like any other rabbit.

There are hrair refugees and hrair cultists in the game.

Days are the normal 72 hours, and Nights are the normal 48. Let’s please follow normal Mafia procedure and not be silly, doing things like talking about the game outside of the game and so on. No posting of text verbatim from your role PM, or other such material sent to you in secret.

The Seer
Among the refugees is a Seer, a rabbit blessed with strange visions that give him or her a glimpse at the future. They’ve kept this power a secret for their whole lives, since they have not forseen anything too disastrous and they’re unlikely to be believed by their fellow rabbits, but in the current situation everyone finds themselves in, their power is much more relevant.
At the 48 hour mark of every day, the Seer will get a vision. They will see the end of the game day, and they will learn the affiliation of the player who currently has the most votes on him or her because they can see the results of the lynch before it happens. (If there is a tie, which player the Seer will see the future of will be determined by random die roll.)
The Town will be informed when The Seer dies.

The Storytellers
The Lapine race is famous for their stories, and even in these dire times, the desire to tell stories to teach and inspire cannot be quelled.
There are two storytellers: a cultist and a refugee, chosen at random from among their ranks. During the day, before the 48 hour mark, each storyteller will message the GM in secret with a general plot for a story and a short moral of this story of 10 words or less. The plot can be as complicated or simple as the storyteller wants, and the moral can say anything the storyteller would like, even if it seems to have nothing to do with the plot. The GM will then take the given plot and moral and fashion an in-universe story to be told following that plot. When the day reaches the 48 hour mark, both stories will be told to the town, with the verbatim morals attached at the end. The order they are posted each day will be random, and no indication of which storyteller is which will be given in the flavor text.
When a storyteller dies, the town will not be informed. A random member of the team the storyteller was from will become the new storyteller for that team. The Seer will never be a storyteller.

I had heard that Pilotwings Resort was easy, breezy, and fun, but that it was really short and not worth money. That seemed like a perfect rental, don’t you think? So I grabbed it! And then it was a thing.

I don’t know. I mean, I played the shit out of Pilotwings 64, although maybe that was a “this is the one game I have” sort of situation, and I’m so fucking casual now that surely, I thought, the game would appeal to my lazy, fucking about sensibilities. Doing little tests, flying about, and so on while listening to podcasts sounded like it would be up my alley at this point.

But the game is just so boring. The tasks I was doing were simple: precision gets you a higher score, but I couldn’t give a fuck about that, and I was bringing all the skills I’d need to complete these missions to the table as I played them with no practice. There are just long stretches where you just watch your plane or whatever fly forward, and you aren’t really doing anything to do better or worse. I mean, yeah, that’s flying, but I don’t know. Wuhu Island is not a location I care about. I don’t want to see all of its pretty sights, because I saw them all fucking around in Wii Sports Resort and it was never particularly visually interesting anyway.

Yeah, I just don’t know. I guess someone who picked up one of these because they liked the Wii would probably enjoy it? But it just wasn’t doing anything for me. Like, I couldn’t even turn on the 3D because it made me feel PRETTY ILL the moment I did it. It just seemed… okay. Bland. And certainly not anything I wanted to play anymore.

So I stopped playing it!

Everyone in my Sikeston writing class believes in creation science. Granted, that is not a lot of people, perse, only 5, but that’s still enough to make me my jaw drop.

Now, when I told CJ this, his response was “Well, love, do you remember where we live?” Maybe that’s a relevant point. I’m in the Bible Belt. People believe in things here, and in general, that’s cool. I’m down with that. Beliefs are fucking awesome.

But this sort of thing… and everyone… and they’re in college… I just… I don’t know.

The thought process required to believe actual science and also believe in your religion is so simple, I really have no idea why people have problems with it. God made everything. Clearly he made these natural systems that work the way we are finding. Done. Science go. But I guess that’s too hard? That would require saying, I guess, that the Bible is not a history book but instead a story book filled with damn good ideas that are worth following like, you know, don’t be a dick to people. And people won’t do that, I guess. That’s across a line. So they’d rather ignore what we as a species have learned.

I don’t know. Believe what you want. These students aren’t hurting me by believing all that. In fact, I really like my little class. They’re all pretty great people and more engaged than a lot of my other classes. I’ve had a lot of fun teaching them this semester. But it just makes me worry about their future. I mean, the paper that sparked the conversation which caused me to learn this that one of the students wrote was just… wrong. Even the creation science was not in line with what I know about “serious” creation science, and the science he was trying to refute was even MORE wrong. I’ve got to tell him to fix all that in order to have a good paper, and I did. But if he seriously isn’t about to look all that stuff up before I prompt him to for the assignment, what hope does he have? Like, how does he actually learn anything? I do wonder. It worries me. He’s a good guy, and I want him to succeed.

People who believe are awesome. I 100% believe, and have proof, that you can be seriously religious and not fall into these sorts of major learning traps, and it is those sorts of people I really respect. (Well, a sort of people I really respect.) But as an educator, I’m just filled with fear at learning this about my class. I’m an English teacher. I don’t teach science. I can’t try to tell these people this is wrong. That’s not my place. I’m going to help this guy write his creation science paper, and it is going to be the best creation science paper. And I am going to disagree with it fucking completely. And I’m going to worry about what happens when he takes a science class, or meets someone who doesn’t understand his beliefs and actually attempts to tear him down, or he has to make some sort of decision based on either science or religion, but probably not both.

He’s awesome. I know he could handle thinking it all out. Will he, though? That’s what I don’t know. And that’s scary.