October 30, 2009

Maybe if it was football-themed…

In honor of that most Hallowed of Weens, here’s a Haunted House story.

On Sunday I was invited by one Matthew Essner to go to the Haunted Hall of Horrors at Arena Park, the Haunted House thingy they set up every year around this time. It was fun enough. A scary time, and a good time standing in line talking to cool people. Of course, I ended up tanking the thing, though… why do I always end up in front? I’m a total wuss. But someone has to tank! I just wasn’t expecting to take that role so literally.

These things always have a section with a flashing strobe light and a dude with a chainsaw without the chain. The strobe light makes it feel like you’re running so slow! And then the guy with the chainsaw chases you. Horror! Suspense! Etc! It’s been there every time I’ve ever gone to this thing, so it was expected.
So we get there, and “OMG guy with a chainsaw!” and we start running and playing along, because it’s fun. Before we get to the end, the group behind us gets to the same section, and THEY start running. Only this woman is way, way too much into it. Either she’s really scared, or just going way too overboard. She sprints forward with all her might. And then she slams, right into my back, throwing me forward and to the ground, and I land hard on my right shoulder. I am unsure if she apologized. I don’t remember one, but my brain could be embellishing for dramatic effect.
I really don’t know why she was so excited, but she obviously didn’t learn her lesson, because this Haunted House had 2, count ’em, TWO chainsaw sections, the other being right at the end to run you out the door. She did the same thing, and nearly plowed into Mason, but he succeeded in his Auto-Parry. The lady fell to the concrete and scraped up her palms? Why? Because she was being stupid, mostly. Probably. I know the people with her were kind of mocking her for it. Nothing like making fun of another’s pain.

And that’s the story! Epilogue: My shoulder still hurts like fuck when I pick up anything heavy. Yay!

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