The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

So it’s been a couple weeks since I started seeing a therapist. It’s, um, been going well, I guess. I’ve been brought nearly to tears just about every single time I go, so that at least means I’m hitting, to some extent, the heart of SOMETHING that is the matter. So that’s nice.

I have concerns. Being in therapy is a good step, but I know I’m not seeing the person I should be seeing. I was hoping it would work as a springboard onto someone with more, you know, specific experience, but I worry it may not be going quite that way. I mean, at some point I’m going to force that issue. I know that much. But… like I said, something is happening, so I can’t be TOO unhappy with how it’s going.

I just want progress. A feeling of progress and moving forward with all these issues I’ve been sitting on forever and ever. I’ve got all these career things I’m going on full steam, but dammit, I need some personal resolution now, you know? I have my degree, and I’m going for more degrees, and things are going well in that regard, but I need resolution of the personal nature. I need to be myself. And find it.

My therapist knows what he’s doing to an extent, and I rather like him, even though it’s clear we’re just, you know, completely different types of people. That helps. But he’s certainly poking around to see if there’s a solution other than what I want. Good to cover the bases, I guess… but as I said, at some point, I’m going to have to just flat out force the whole point and get what I want about the whole thing. It’s, you know, to some extent my time. Have to do what I want to do with it and get the results I want.

It’s just so hard to put things into words. So much of all this is just… strong feelings over everything. I can’t explain it logically, because it isn’t logical. There’s nothing logical about it. It’s just who I am. But I can’t just say “it’s just who I am” because that’s not an explanation.

Fuck, I dunno.

But I’m doing something. Something is always better than nothing. That idea is what pulled me out of the gutter and got me here. It’s served me great. And it will continue to.
I’m doing something.