The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

Before I get started with the review, just a few things. One, why the fuck was I completely entranced by this comic for like… two days? I have no fucking clue. Two, yes, I have THREE Listening Time CDs to liveblog now. Bleh, I am failing at that… I hope to get on the bandwagon soon… one is all Christmas music, for fucks sake! I can’t wait much longer!

Anyway, Earth Defense Force 2017. I got it for my brother for Christmas, you can probably pick it up at budget prices like I did, and you should, especially if you have someone else to play with.
There are tons of things wrong with the game. The graphics are just a little over budget PS2, the gameplay is really repetitive, and your AI-controlled teammates talk CONSTANTLY about NOTHING, which would probably annoy the shit out of most people, but Jonathan and I find it pretty hilarious because it’s so bad. In any case, Bioshock this is not.
What you get is a game that is a TON of fun with two players and completely mindless. There is a joy in blowing shit up, you know? That is what Earth Defense Force gives you. Take a friend and play split screen mulitplayer. You both can pick two weapons, that you switch between whenever you’d like. There’s completely useless weapons and completely crazy ones. I think there’s something like 171 weapons in all? Most are slight modifications of other weapons. Like, for example, you’ve got a wide variety of assault rifles with different rates of fire and damage amounts, etc. But you also get crazy shit like the Acid Spray Launcher and, our favorite, the Air Tortoise, a homing missile launcher that fires missiles that move so slowly you can nearly outrun them, but who explode gigantically. Anyway, you pick your weapons and you run into short missions, 53 in all. You don’t have ammo, (Except on a few guns that completely suck) you only have reload times. Some are long, some are short. You blast rockets at gigantic ants, jumping spiders, flying space ships, and giant robots over and over and over. The combat is completely ridiculous, with huge swarms constantly coming at you and the realism level being so that you can fire a single rocket at a skyscraper and it will collapse into a pile of rubble. There are also some vehicles, too, but you don’t use them because they control like crap and are so damn slow.
So you fire and you fire and you fire, and you pick up Armor, which increases your max health permanently, and new weapons, and you shoot some more until you beat the mission, and then you move to the next one and do it all over again. There’s little strategy involved besides “Don’t fire the rocket launcher at an enemy close enough to get you caught in the blast.” Yet, trying out all the ridiculous weapons is a good time, and bringing a friend along, like most games, makes the fun increase quite a bit. Jonathan and I are yelling at our AI teammates in the same stupid mannerisms they talk in, blowing shit up, and loving every minute of it.
There’s a versus mode, but it’s not really worth mentioning. Well, besides the AIR TORTOISE BATTLES Jonathan and I have done. We both equipped two Air Tortoises, and entered the battle. We were at separate ends of this huge map, and we just started firing the things at each other. The rolling and running from these slow-moving missiles is hilarious fun, and it’s actually kind of tense, since it takes so damn long to reload one of them. Give that sort of match a try, perhaps, but you’ll never touch it otherwise.
But seriously, just blowing shit up. It sounds so simple, but it is so fun, and completely worth 20 bucks, if you have a friend to bring along. To say anything else is just to repeat myself over and over again, I think.