April 29, 2009

Recent Depression Attack Debriefing

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, the thing you have to do is break the task into chunks that are not overwhelming.

This is just generally useful advice. Seriously, put that shit to work. Do it.

Still, sometimes when you’re most overwhelmed, you have problems thinking of things in those terms. You’re freaking out and you can’t parse everything the way you need to.

I suppose that was me on Friday of last week and whatnot. I had an entire mental breakdown attempting to finally once again face transitioning head on. In my head, things totally got overwhelming. I couldn’t handle it. My mood crashed hard. Very hard. I was pretty well out of commission there for awhile. I wrote a little blog about it. It was bad times.

However, a completely random bit of rambling in a depressive conversation with Brer helped turn me around. We talked about Health insurance, and how I could get it, and what I could do, and how it would help. Suddenly, a very vague and frustrating situation had a physical, present problem for me to deal with. I started to work on that, and my mood lifted… well, it felt pretty quickly to me. Maybe other people would think otherwise.

I really appreciate Brer helping me to break this into a smaller chunk I could deal with. I don’t know why I found it so hard. Much like I was talking about in the other blog post, I am better at this than I used to be. I used to have these panic attacks just with schoolwork, but I figured out how to break them into tiny chunks of things to get done, and not worry about the outcome, and it worked. But I’m so close to this shit. I couldn’t deal with it straight on, even with this, I guess. I’m not a strong as I thought.

But progress is being made. That’s the important part. It’s not, you know, fast progress. But I’ve got a plan I’m executing. That’s all anyone can ask for.

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