The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

It’s April Fools Day, so that means it’s time for jokes! Luckily, I’ve been honing my joke-telling skills at work for awhile, writing jokes for my team, and I think I’ve improved! Let me try a few on you right now, and hopefully they will help you have a wonderful April Fool Day Time Thing.

Joke Number One
A Jazz Dancer, a Psychic Surgeon, and an Ant Queen all walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Hello, and welcome to the bar! You are being welcomed to the bar.” The psychic surgeon murders a chicken to use in his psychic surgeries. The bartender says, “That seems a bit inappropriate. You should have gone to the chicken slaughtery next door.”
“Oh, sorry, man,” says the Jazz Dancer. “We thought this was a combination bar and chicken slaughtery.”
The ant queen twitches her antennae in a seductive fashion.
“I can’t get mad at those luscious mandibles,” says the bartender. “Just don’t slaughter any chickens in here again.” The group all nods their heads.
The Jazz Dancer eats a banana, and then tosses the peel on the ground. The psychic surgeon saves a man from cancer using the chicken guts. The ant queen orders a whiskey and coke.

Joke Number Two
“Knock Knock.”
“Who’s There?”
“A vibrating and otherworldly mass of tentacles and viscera, all attempting to break down your door and absorb you into the great collective.”
“A vibrating and otherworldly mass of tentacles and viscera, all attempting to break down your door and absorb you into the great collective who?”
“I would really appreciate it if you would just open the door and face your fate. You are only delaying the inevitable. All will soon be part of the great mass. Your various bodily fluids and organs will make a great addition to our collective.”
“I would really appreciate it if you would just open the door and face your fate. You are only delaying the inevitable. All will soon be part of the great mass. Your various bodily fluids and organs will make a great addition to our collective who?”
“Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?”
“Yes, I am.”

Joke Number Three
A man walks into a doctor’s office and asks, “Why am I throwing up nearly constantly?”
The lady behind the counter goes, “I’m not a doctor. I am just the receptionist. Do you have an appointment?”
“Yes,” says the man, and fills out his required paperwork in silence.
Two hours later, he has made it into the doctor’s office. “Why am I throwing up nearly constantly?” asks the man.
“You’ve just not had enough training,” says the doctor, “I am prescribing 6 weeks of intensive baseball training. You’ll be throwing in a different direction in no time.”
The man begins his baseball training, and sure enough, he’s soon throwing the ball forward, instead of up in the air, where it is likely to hit him on the head. He rejoices, and joins a local softball league. 4 weeks later, he gets into an argument with a fellow player, who beats him to death with a baseball bat, then buries him under the pitcher’s mound. His family never sees him again, but the murderer slips on a banana peel left by a Jazz Dancer and hits his head on the ground, getting a concussion.

Happy Day Fool Time, everyone.