The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

Cara and I had a conversation at work last night, and as often tends to happen, this got me thinking. Then I’m like “I should elaborate on my thoughts on this blog thing I have!” So here we are.

I was telling her about Aesa moving in with me (oh yeah, Aesa is moving in with me! That is a nice thing that is happening soon) and being all nervous and excited at the same time, as I tend to be. She then says, “You know, you clearly have a much different idea of what a relationship is than I do.” This catches me off-guard, so I ask for elaboration. “Well, I just get this feeling that what you want from a relationship is different to be able to do what you do. Like, you’re trying to build up a bunch of best friends.” This really only confused me more because… well, of course the people I date should be my best friends. That’s just kind of a given. Why would I date someone who wasn’t?

Anyway, it was all just her trying to wrap her mind around this stuff, which is cool. No worries there. But it really got me thinking about the nature of relationships and Relationships with a capital R and all that sort of thing, and what they really mean. Well, to me, anyway.

My go-to quick definition of a romantic relationship has always been “someone who you’re happy to wake up next to every morning, even when life is boring.” I really think that that’s a good quick definition, to be sure. But really, it’s more, isn’t it? It’s someone you want to grow old with. It’s someone you want to spend your time with, travel with, eat with. It’s someone you have 0 guards up around. It’s someone who sees the very worst you have to offer and doesn’t hate you for it. It’s someone who sees the very best you offer and isn’t disappointed.

None of that is something that’s necessarily exclusive. Granted, finding more than one person who you can do that with is difficult, especially when you factor in sexual compatibility (not essential, but, you know. Nice). I think I am mind-blowingly lucky to be in a situation where I feel like I have two people I feel that way about. To not act on that feels wrong. I only have one life, as far as I’m aware. There’s no need to give up something wonderful just because society says so. (Now, if the person I’m with has issues, that’s a completely different story. But just because I’m not “supposed so” seems really dumb.)

To be fair, I also think there’s a big element of this is me wanting a family. I’m probably never going to have kids. The deck is really stacked against me. I’ve mostly come to terms with that. (I’ll just be a crazy aunt with a house full of toys and such who spoils Jonathan and Shauna’s kid(s) rotten and treats her pets like children, I’m sure.) But that want to have a family of my own doesn’t go away just because I don’t have kids. I still want that. My own clan. My own family. Mine. Being open to not just having one serious relationship lets me potentially have that, more than otherwise. That sort of intense family love. Maybe I won’t be the only one who finds other people. Maybe Aesa or Brer will bring someone else wonderful into our family, and that will be fantastic. The more the goddamn merrier, for serious. (Not that they have to look if they’re happy. I certainly wasn’t looking for Aesa when all this happened. But, you know.) We’ll be a family, and that will be… great.

And that’s romance, I suppose. To me.