December 25, 2011

Obligatory Christmas Post


But no, seriously, it’s Christmas.

Christmas is a time of overwhelming waves of nostalgia. I remember walking downstairs late at night during December for so many years, seeing that tree, and wanting to cry, sometimes doing just that. I was remembering happy times, times when I wasn’t depressed as fuck, times before I really understood that Santa Claus, God, or whatever the hell else wasn’t going to make me the girl I was anytime soon. Christmas was a moment of pure happiness that I could hide in. Christmas was always happy.

I get older. I work retail, and goodness, Christmas sucks during retail. I get busy, and it gets harder and harder to just relax and enjoy the holidays, and let myself be happy. There are family tensions. There are gift-giving issues. Things just pile up.

But things are still happy.

This year’s Christmas is so different than the past, but I’m still with my family. They haven’t disowned me yet. I’m still with my friends. They haven’t disowned me yet. What’s more, I don’t have to hide in nostalgia anymore. I don’t have to grip so desperately onto moments of happiness that just being reminded of them makes me cry anymore. I don’t have to.
I’m pretty damn happy.

I hope you enjoy all your gifts, and time with the family. I hope that you have a spectacular and relaxing day off. But I hope most of all that your wonder, joy, and happiness aren’t trapped to just one togetherness-filled day of the year. I hope that this day is just one of many awesome things in your life, that continue getting more amazing. I hope that you’re happy.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

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