The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

I just fell asleep at my desk, so I should probably get to bed… this day just seemed… gigantic… A lot happened… I worked and I drafted and I hung out with friends and then I talked with Essner and cried a lot and then I just kind of collapsed here in this chair and fell asleep. Whee.

At work I keep playing boss. I don’t know why I do. I go out of my way to fix problems I could just ignore, and everyone asks me how to do things when I honestly just barely know how to do them myself. All this register stuff: I was never trained. I’ve just made it all up as I went along, and it seems to be correct. People are constantly asking me for advice, how to do this or that, and I just do my best. I hear someone saying something wrong to a customer and I step in and fix the problem. None of that is my job. They didn’t fucking want me as the boss. I don’t know why I keep doing that.
Well, I mean, I do. I want to be helpful. It just… yeah… I catch myself doing it and I just get frustrated with myself a little for giving them for free what they wouldn’t hire me for. I’m not sure they deserve it. But the individual people I work with are nice, so…

And Essner… I… I don’t know. I was going to write about the draft for tonight, but maybe tomorrow… I just finally got up the guts to talk to him about what was going on between us after it was all over. There was an awkwardness there. He didn’t seem to really want to acknowledge my transition. We had a really strange conversation that needed to happen. I’ve been trying to explain it to people I’ve been talking to afterwards… well, before I fell asleep at the desk… and it never comes out right, so I’m not going to explain in specifics what we said. I cried. It was hard. He’s not 100% behind me on this huge life thing that has done nothing but made my life better, at least from my perspective, and that is just hard to take from your best friend. But that bond… what we have is still unbroken. Not shaken a bit by this. He was completely honest with me about his feelings and his struggle to understand this, when it would have been easier to make excuses or dodge the subject, and that means something. That’s respect. That’s friendship. He knew this has made me feel so much better, and he’s thankful his friend doesn’t feel like shit anymore, you know? This is something we’re going to have to work through and figure out, but it’s not going to ruin us as friends. I’m always going to be there for him, and he’ll always be there for me. That’s just how it is. There may still be awkwardness ahead, but it’s nice to know that’s not in jeopardy.

I’m going to try to sleep, I suppose. Innistrad talk tomorrow, I guess? I don’t know. Goodnight.