March 2, 2009
Purchase “Guilt”
So, I just worked 3 extra hours today. I didn’t really want to, and they were kinda sucky hours, because I was lifting dirty boxes for all of them, and then some. During this shift, I got asked to come in tomorrow, my day off, and I said sure. This means I have to work tomorrow night too. I’m excited.
Why did I do this? Well, part of it is just the fact that I have trouble saying no, but the major part of it is purchase guilt. I felt bad for spending so much on a new computer, so I feel like I have to work more, even if that would stress me out, to make up for it.
It’s honestly really stupid.
I mean, first off, I had the money. I had plenty of money to make this purchase. Secondly, I use my computer, what, during 90% of my leisure time? More? And it’s not doing everything I want it to anymore, because I push it so hard to multitask. It’s not stupid for me to invest more money into something I use so much, especially since it’s been like… at least 5 years since I upgraded. Thirdly, I don’t think anyone thinks it’s a stupid idea. Everyone understands. It’s all good.
Still, I feel bad about it. Sort of.
Like so much of my life, I feel like I should be saving money, lots of money, and that big purchases are bad. This doesn’t stop me from making like… 20 little purchases of the same cost amount and feeling fine about it, of course. But I look ahead to after graduation and I know I need to save money, right? I gotta get ready to move on with my life. But it’s stupid to make myself get any more stressed than I already am, you know? I have to survive school before I can move on. No reason to get bent out of shape…
But yeah, I dunno. I very often feel this way about purchases. I feel like, sometimes, I need to hide things from my brother, for instance, so he doesn’t know I bought yet another game. It’s all really stupid. It’s my money. I can do with it what I want.
I should enjoy the things I buy. I mean, that’s why I bought them. And I will enjoy this computer… I just hope to gods it doesn’t give me much trouble in its construction.