The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

So, I was fucking tired of every single podcast ever and every single news blogpost and everything talking about Burnout Paradise without me having played it. TIRED OF IT. So I got it, since it was only 20 bucks.

Now, common sense would dictate that this was 20 bucks badly spent. I’m not a racing game person. At all. I play Mario Kart, I suppose, but that’s about it. I dislike most vehicle sections in games and such. In fact, back when the game first came out, I tried the very nice demo, and was completely unimpressed and uninterested.

Criterion sure showed me.

Burnout Paradise is the racing game for people who hate racing games. The entire design seems built up to get rid of the elements that would frustrate someone who isn’t a huge fan of cars and the technical side of racing.
What exactly does this, you ask? Well, first off, the fact that crashing your car is only the most minimal of setbacks helps a ton, first off. When I can completely wreck my car 4 times in a race and still end up winning? Well, that’s a stress-free experience. It only helps the fact the crashes are totally badass to behold. They look really impressive, and they put cool camera angles on them… it’s almost positive reinforcement than negative. I love that. Now, of course, if you don’t crash, you’re going to do a ton better. But the fact that you can and not be completely screwed makes this game less technical and more fun.
Secondly comes the fact that there isn’t a list of challenges you have to do to move up. You literally can do anything you want at any time. If all you want to do is play Road Rage today, then you can just play Road Rage and smash a bunch of cars. That’s expected, I guess, but the fact that this helps you progress in the game as much as anything else? That’s just awesome. And if you decide that you hate this particular challenge and want to quit? You just come to a complete stop for 2 seconds, and the challenge is gone. No “You lose” message or a “Try again?” prompt to make you feel in any way responsible to complete the challenge. You can just drive away. It really is the game your way.
Finally is the fact that it’s fun just to drive around the world. Any time, you can start “Showtime” mode to just deal damage as you drive around. The mechanics of driving are arcade-y and fun, and it’s just enjoyable to go fast. As you drive around, you constantly see jumps, billboards, and gates that you have to figure out how to get to and break, and it rewards you for seeking them out. As you complete challenges, cars appear in the world for you to collect. You can just be driving around, and one of these cars will roar past you, and then IT’S ON, and you have to rush to wreck them to get a new car. You can have a great time without even starting a race.

So yeah, Burnout Paradise is a fucking great game. It’s really hard not to recommend at 20 bucks. My favorite events are Road Rage (where you have to wreck a certain number of opponent cars under a time limit) and Marked Man (where you have to get to a certain location while every single car on the road is trying to wreck you) but I’ve had fun with basically every single event type in the game. I haven’t even gotten online with it yet. Sure, that time might be past with Talking Time, but I’m sure that’s even more fun if I can make it happen sometime. And hell, if nothing else, this is a REALLY great podcast game. You don’t need to listen to it. You just need to race.

So yeah, I love a racing game. There, I said it.