The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

I’ve been trying to figure out clothes. One thinks “Oh, clothes are easy, you just wear fabric to cover up your naughty bits” but it is so much more stupid and complex than that. Especially in my hands, where I’m trying to master clothes of a type I am not familiar with while I deal with lots of conflicting urges. I need to look more feminine, but I also want to just be myself, and I’m a kind of masculine lady-person. I’d rather just wear the shit I have been wearing, but it would be useful to make a clear “shift” to help shift everyone’s perceptions. So I’m trying to find a middle ground, which is really the worst thing I could do. I’m not settling for looking alright. I have to be happy with it, and I have a fucking odd sense of fashion. It probably doesn’t look like it, but I’m really kind of super-picky when it comes to clothing. There’s also a partial problem that a lot of things I want to wear are things from my youth I was jealous about and wanted, and now I can have, but they simply don’t exist anymore. That is also frustrating. Things are frustrating!

Anyway, the point of that last paragraph is that I am stupid, clothing-wise. As I do my research and try to figure this shit out, I have two stupid rants that I would like to address to designers of women’s clothing in general. So if you meet any, make them read this blog post or something.

1. Have Real Pockets, You Assholes.
I look at clothing for women, even things that should have pockets, like pants, and they don’t have pockets. Sure, many of them have “pockets,” but they can only fit, I dunno, a tissue or a single dollar bill in them. They don’t count as pockets. They are stupid and useless. Who thought this was a good idea? I mean, it’s one thing to buy a garment without a pocket. That’s cool, you want to look a certain way, I get it. But to pretend to have a pocket, but not have that functionality is just stupid.
Now, I have heard the argument, “That is why you have a purse!” This is a semi-valid point, but there is one thing that I will never keep in my purse, and that is my cellular telephone. My cell phone is an object I need constant, quick access to, or the cell phone because significantly, significantly less useful. My mom never answers her phone. Know why? Because it’s in her purse, and she can’t get to it. I’m not going to be that person. Another person I am not going to be is someone whose phone actually makes noise. Fuck those people. Phones should always be on vibrate, and I can’t do that unless the phone is in my pocket.
Similarly, I listen to my iPod, oh, basically all the time. Having my iPod in my purse with the headphones coming out of it seems similarly frustrating from a usability standpoint. It also seems like it would look incredibly stupid.
At the very least, a bottom-half garment needs pockets that can at least hold a cell phone or iPod of a decent size. That’s just how the world works nowadays. My current research has discovered that pants with the keyword “comfortable” on the tag have decent pockets, so I am looking into that. Still, it’s just ridiculous that it’s hard to find a garment that serves such a simple function well. I’m not about to say that fashion shouldn’t be about fashion. That’s just fine. People who aren’t me can dress up as awesome as they’d like, and if they enjoy themselves, I am all for it. Me, I just want to be able to answer texts on my phone and listen to my iPod on a day to day basis, for fuck’s sake. The majority of stuff out there doesn’t seem to want me to do that, though.

2. Why Can’t Clothing Go All The Way Down?
Another thing I’ve noticed is that clothing for women cuts off far above the ankle. You can’t get a skirt that goes all the way down, and seriously something like 90% of the clothing in Kohl’s at the moment is a capri of some sort. I just don’t understand this. That just seems like it would bother the shit out of me. I’m not getting the benefits of wearing a full pair of pants or whatever, or shorts, which I don’t want to wear. Of course, the unavailability of shorts that aren’t essentially underwear is a completely different problem, and honestly, likely a reason why capris are so popular. But why not just make shorts that aren’t stupidly short? That’s a way better and less ridiculous solution.
While I will fight to the death about the fact that people, not just men, need actual pockets, this is something that is clearly a personal preference of mine. I mean, I think anyone who wears those socks that only go up below your ankles is insane, because that would drive me mad, but people really like those, so, you know. But still, there’s really a lack of other options.

I’m sure I’ll get super frustrated more in the future as I move on into this scary new world I am scarily moving into. But hey, at least I have a blog today, hm?