March 31, 2011

I Should Stop Worrying About Clothing

Talking to Cara over a Tendercrisp Chicken Sandwich, I realized I don’t give a shit.

Okay, wait, no, let me try that again.

Talking to Cara over a Tendercrisp Chicken Sandwich, I realized that I don’t much give a shit about what other people think.

I’m sure I’ve said this before, but I am very based upon my own little world, my own little sphere of influence. If you’re in that sphere, man, I really care about you! You’re awesome. Ask me for favors, and hugs, and so on and so forth. I’ll do what I can. If you’re outside that sphere, though, I’m going to be polite because I am a polite person, but if you disagree with what I’m doing and it isn’t actively fucking you over, well, you can go die in a fire.

As real, actual changed based upon my gender shit nears actually occurring in my life, I find myself worrying like crazy about things like clothes. How am I going to look feminine? How am I going to project to every person I pass on campus that I am, in fact a woman? Thinking about this makes me sick, really. I have no idea how to dress like a woman. I don’t even particularly want to.

See, that last sentence is important. I don’t really particularly want to. I’m only doing it because other people expect it of me. And who are these other people? I don’t know. They certainly aren’t in my circle. Those in my circle don’t give a shit, because they know who I am. I don’t have to dress up for them. I mean, you know, as long as I’m not embarrassing, it’s not a big deal. They get it. I can be casual and comfortable.

Here’s the thing: now that my identity is not in jeopardy, I’m much less down on “masculine” styles and shit. The idea of being a woman who wears more “male” sorts of dress clothes and things has an appeal, whereas before, when I was more in a state of panic, the idea of doing that would have made me cry. Plus, I mean, fuck, what do other girls who play video games, blog on the internet, and play board games wear? Exactly what I wear on a daily basis, although maybe the t-shirts are, sometimes, of a different cut.

There are still some clothing-related things I need to get in order, but seriously, it’s not worth freaking out about something I don’t actually want to do. A huge part of the reason why I am doing all this stuff is because I want to have control over my life. Why I am letting my bid for freedom be caught up in having to adhere to completely different rules is beyond me. So let’s not do it, yeah? I like you, I don’t like wearing super-girly clothing, let’s go play You Don’t Know Jack. (Did I do that right, Advice Hot Dog?)

The beautiful thing a woman wearing “traditionally” masculine clothes is that it’s pretty hot.

Well, to me, anyway. (Then again, I’m also attracted to people who buck gender roles in general, so take that as you will.)

Anyway, wear what you want to wear, fuck the haters, and stay awesome, Alexis.

Comment by Luana — March 31, 2011 @ 1:16 am

Jeans and t-shirts are the only things worth wearing! Although now that it’s getting hot outside, I have a few casual/comfortable cotton skirts that go well with all my nerd t-shirts, too. So cool and comfortable~

People who like you based on your appearance aren’t good people. Obviously. I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. :3

Ohwait! Another good thing about summer is painting my toenails! Somehow it seems to magically transform my feet into much cuter feet, which makes me smile. Which is the most important thing.

Comment by Togii — April 4, 2011 @ 2:46 pm

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