December 22, 2008
Me and my Shadow
So, on the topic of game related shit I think too much about, I’ve been putting a lot of thought into trying to figure out what my Shadow would be in the Persona 4 sense. For those of you who aren’t playing the crap out of the game right now, a Persona 4 shadow would be the side of yourself that you deny, which is probably, you know, mean or evil. I feel like I should, you know, throw the question out to the crowd, but at the same time, asking the internets “Hey, what’s my bad qualities?” seems potentially stupid of me. Heh.
But yeah, the part of me I deny. I mean, the obvious thing is my masculinity, and if you’d, you know, caught me some years ago and threw me into the backside of the TV, that totally would have been it. I feel, though, I’m much more accepting of that kinda thing now. I still get hits of depression about it from time to time, but in general, I accept it.
The other thing, I suppose, is my anger, but at the same time. I think I realize how much I hate, you know? I try my best to hide it to most people, but that’s just because I don’t want to bother them with it. (and also because, if I get mad at anything, my parents act like I got mad at them) Like, if you asked me, I think I would be quite honest about that.
I guess I really comes down to how the TV world really works. Is it always something you’re denying to yourself? Or is it just something you’re denying to the world? It’s seemed like things you’re denying to yourself, and on that front, I really do think I’m pretty… good. I’m pretty good on that front. I mean, there are things I am uncomfortable with, but I’m not about to say they don’t exist, I suppose. But who knows, maybe I do have something. The whole point of denying it would be that I don’t really know it, eh?
You know, now that I think about it, perhaps my thing I deny is my need for control. Often I want attention exactly when I want it, and not before or after. Constantly wish I had control of my life (even though I do, really) and wish people would listen to me or do things, you know, not stupidly. (at least in my eyes) Maybe that’s what my shadow would focus on… my need to control the whole world.
Who knows, really. The important thing, though, is that Persona 4 is awesome, and that I am awesome. I think.