The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

Bayonetta is a game where I can tie an angel up in chains, bondage-style, and tease her until she cums, which causes her to explode in a shower of blood.

Bayonetta is a game which ends about 14 times, the last one being an incredibly long and detailed dance sequence.

Bayonetta is a game where the main character has her own sitcom-esque theme song.

I love Bayonetta so much.

The entire game is a fantastic ride. It’s constantly getting crazier and crazier. Each fight is more ridiculous than the last, and you can’t wait to see the next crazy thing the game throws at you as you play through. Some games have a problem where you see the cutscenes, and you’re like, “I wish I could do that instead of watch it.” Bayonetta doesn’t have that problem. You can and DO do all the ridiculous bullshit in the cutscenes. It feels so good. It’s hilarious. It’s pro-sex. It has an amazing main character who is so over the top with her sexuality that she goes all the way around from being an object of lust to being simply a total badass. She is every single fetish all at the same time, and embraces them all, and somehow it completely works and makes her seem a stronger woman for it. I have joked about her being a great role model, but seriously, she totally is. She paves her own path in life, embraces and enjoys her primal side, and through it all is a generally good and heroic person, even if she tries to hide it a little.

On top of all the craziness and awesome character-ness, you have a really well constructed action game. Apparently it’s very challenging and skill-based at higher difficulties, which is awesome! I’m glad it’s there to appeal to those people! But they’ve also done a fantastic job at making it accessible. I played through it on Easy (Automatic), and it makes the game so fun without having to learn tons of combos and time things just right. Basically, the game will mix up combos from what you’ve learned if you tap out the simplest combo with a button. You still have some control: the weapons all do different things, so you have to think about what you’re equipping, and the punch and kick buttons are based on different goals as well. But just by hitting kick a lot, you throw out a variety of the most badass-looking combos. But the combos if you go punch are different, and you do need to mix and match. You just don’t need to memorize. You feel very powerful, but not in a boring way, as I’ve heard it described. It’s a blast, especially if you’ve ever looked at high level play in these sorts of games and wished you could get things that cool to happen.

Bayonetta is a fantastic game. I mean, I haven’t even mentioned the many crazy pointless Sega references, all of the horrible one-liners… there’s just so much to love. It’s kind of a shame I only got to it a year late, but trust me: it’s an experience not to be missed. It is a fun, fun ride. Play it. Enjoy it.