January 21, 2011
On a Much More Pleasant Note, Happy Birthday, Jonathan.
At any point I will break. I am at the point where getting new carpeting put in upstairs feels like it will destroy me. I will admit that I really, really hate this feeling, and I hate that I feel this way. I hate that I feel so lost here. I hate it.
I hate it.
I fucking hate it.
It’s not even funny breaking. It’s not useful. It’s not a motivator. I just feel crushed. The thing that crushed me was fucking new carpeting. I feel like such an idiot.
I’m empty and stupid and my life feels like way too much for me. I want to hide in bed until everyone goes away, for at least a few more weeks. Maybe then things will work out, but hey, I’m not holding my breath. Nothing works out.
I’m a functional, fairly hard-working person. Why am I so crushed? Why do I feel like this? I should function. I should work. Things should work out. God fucking dammit.