September 25, 2010
Helth
Okay, so there are two health meters: Physical and Mental. The main problem is that a lot of the healing techniques for each use up the other meter. For example, to free myself of stress would help to refill that Mental meter, but it comes at the cost of the Physical meter, because I have to go out and work, probably, to fix things, and I get tired. Same with Physical. I could lay down and sleep all day, and maybe I might actually feel rested in the end. However, it’s at the cost of that Mental meter, since I’m going to be worrying about all the shit I’m supposed to get done. There are quick fixes, too, of course. I could eat some candy to help keep my Mental stats up, because that’s enjoyable and relaxing, but that’s bad for my Physical meter. I could drink a bunch of caffeine to keep my physical side working fine, but that can potentially do something to my mindstate. In addition, there are plenty of activities, such as, say, homework, that eat up both meters. There’s lots of interacting gameplay systems at work here.
Life is kind of a back and forth fight between those things. There are more wants and desires than you can ever comprehend. You just have to do your best to feed those desires and make them work. Somehow. However, I’ve always taken a firm anti-physical stance. Since I hate my physical form, it was easy to destroy it, and keep my mental abilities and feelings in tip-top shape. If you just fuck over one, hey, you have half as much to worry about. You can make it work easily.
Basically, I guess what I’m saying is, I never really realized how difficult it is to attempt to deal with both meters. Giving a shit about things like my appearance and health for what may be the first time in my life is incredibly taxing. Of course, I also chose to start doing it at a time where I am already very stressed attempting to deal with mental issues and things. I’m doing all sorts of stressful work. Really good planning on my part, I know!
I know none of this is new information. It’s just, as I sit here, having to schedule time to sleep in between work and commutes to St. Louis and grading and denistry, I realize how hard it is to make it all work. I’m having trouble with it, that I never had before, and it’s because I’m giving so much of a shit. That’s a good thing. Caring about myself was the goal. But damn, that’s hard, especially knowing that I could remove all this stress from myself