June 24, 2010

And nothing tends to work out.

I got some pretty bad news the other day.

It seems that all mental heath issues are all one illness, even when they aren’t. This is fantastic news. It basically means I’m totally screwed. My insurance won’t continue to pay for my therapy, and I can’t really afford to go every week without it. I’ve been dipping into my savings constantly to cover these costs as is. On top of that, Kohl’s has been having wonderful budgeting issues, which means I haven’t been working enough and earning enough money, either. I can’t afford to keep going and seeing my doctor about my gender identity disorder. I need better health insurance, but I don’t have anywhere to get it from. I feel completely fucked.

Needless to say this upset me greatly. There were tears. It was really frustrating. I’m getting so fucking close. I really am, and then this. Really, really frustrating.

I have plans and schemes. I should be able to afford it better if I go every other week, instead of every week. Hopefully that won’t slow me down… at least not too much. At least then I can keep going. Once school starts up again, and I’m getting paid more, things will go a little better too. I’m also, as I’m writing this, about to leave to go see the doctor, so hopefully she’ll have some ideas as to what I can do to make this work out.

I’m not going to give up. But fuck.
I am tired of this bullshit. I just want to be me.

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