May 5, 2010
Additional Talking about Nerves and Moving Forward
On Monday, I had my last meeting with Missy about the semester before I left for the summer. There is a chance (it’s not for sure, but I’m certainly trying) that by the time I get back from summer break to teach again, things are going to be different. Transitions will be in full swing. Etc. I decided that you don’t tell people this sort of thing over e-mail, and thus I need to talk to her in person before all that got started. This was likely going to be my only chance until I set up another meeting. I was going to tell her.
Now, Missy is awesome, and it really was no big deal when it happened. She understood. She said she may have to ask some “stupid questions” to really get it, but that’s a perfectly fine response. Still, I got so worked up over it, it was making me sick. I felt worked up and anxious all day afterwards, too. It was a somewhat big step to tell my boss that, right? Something like that?
I am just so wrapped up in anxiety. I cannot remember a time, besides those initial fights with Natalie way back when, and maybe when I broke up with her, where I have felt so nonstop awful for such a long period of time. These last few weeks have been deadly with nervousness, and honestly, I’m really, really sick of it. I’d like to move on. I keep telling myself that once I finish all my homework the feeling will go away, but I’ve been knocking more and more of it out, and things haven’t improved, really.
It’s frustrating as fuck.
Basically, I’m really tired of being nervous and anxious, and if I’ve been an ass to you, I’m sorry. That’s my bad. I shouldn’t be like this. I really shouldn’t. I’ll handle it.
I’ll handle it.