The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

I played Dead Space: Extraction, and that was kind of shit because pointing at the screen with the Wiimote is kind of shit. Then I played Dead Space the iPhone game, which was shockingly good, if not always the easiest to control. At this point, I decided I really needed to play the actual game. I had turned it down originally because “it’s like RE4 and that’s not a game for me,” but my experiences with RE5 and going back to RE4 made it clear that no, it is a game for me, I just didn’t know it. When Dead Space 2 came out, I finally gave in. Gamefly sent me the original Dead Space.

I’m years late to the party here, but fuck, Dead Space is fantastic.

Now, much like RE4 and RE5, Dead Space is not scary at all. You are way too empowered as a player for the game to actually be very scary. Though your weapons are “improvised,” you still have tons of weapons and ammo to take care of anything the game might throw at you. It gets you with some jump scares once and awhile, certainly, but I didn’t really find myself nearly as scared as, say, when I played Silent Hill: Shattered Memories, which has no combat. So, yeah, it’s pretending to be a scary game, but that’s really not what it is. What it is is a fantastic third person shooter with addictive upgrade mechanics.

I once listened to a podcast with Shawn Elliott where he called Dead Space brilliant because of its “focus on skill shots.” I didn’t completely buy it at the time, but now that I’ve played the game, that is totally what sets the game apart. Having to shoot off limbs seems a bit odd and questionable from a story perspective, but once you get into the gameplay, there’s no doubt that it makes the shooting feeling unique and fresh. Not having to aim for the head for once, and having a wide variety of arms, legs, and tentacles with which to come up with strategies to hit well really makes you think about combat completely differently. It’s tense trying to shoot an array of wriggling tentacles in the air above your enemies, instead of their heads, because those tentacles are harder to hit, but cutting them off will do way more damage than pumping many rounds into their body. They make it worth your while to try these shots, which I normally wouldn’t do, and it really makes you rethink what weapons are good and how you shoot.

On top of this solid shooting action, you have really additive upgrade mechanics. An upgrade system is always welcome, but they’ve set up their system in a fairly unique way. Buying upgrades to your equipment requires “power nodes,” which essentially work like skill points you can put in the various trees of your weapons and space suit. Some spaces on the tree, though, give you no benefits other than letting you connect to other spots on the tree. What’s more, you don’t get too many of these in the world: you have to purchase them. You get some money from enemies, of course, but most of your money comes from selling excess ammo to the store. This creates another reason to want to make those skill shots and make every shot count. Instead of giving you no ammo and potentially frustrating a player by having to restart again and again, they give plenty of ammo, but really reward you for not using it by letting you buy more upgrades. It’s really genius.

There is a story to the game, which is… okay? There’s a crazy cult making monsters. Sure. I didn’t really get attached to any of the characters, though the setting is really nicely realized, and you mostly feel like you’re in a real spaceship interior as you walk around, which is appreciated. I’m sure someone who cares about world lore could get attached to that stuff, but I’m not that person. The game also gets a bit weak near the end, with you having to slowly drag this monolith around with you in between combats. It’s really annoying. But the gameplay really covers any rough edges. It’s really solid, and a lot of fun, and I hear the second game fixes a lot of those rough edges and makes it even better. I can’t wait to play it. For now, though, I’m glad I went back and played this one. It’s a good time.

League of Legends is a really weird thing for me.

I mean, here is a game that is almost purely versus other people. It requires actual teamwork with your team to be anywhere near effective: you can’t lone wolf. People playing video games on the internet are still people playing video games on the internet, so you’re often fighting assholes.

Yet I do keep coming back to it. Sure, I take long breaks, but man, I come back, and it’s still fun. I wish I knew what about it made me care more than other very training and skill-based multiplayer games, but I do rather enjoy trying to improve and do well at the game.

Recently, I’ve been realizing how I kind of force people I play with to pick certain champions, because I only pick support characters, like Sona or Soraka. I wanted to expand my base, but my problem was that, well, I only want to play characters that I like the look of and man, I just kind of like support in general. I’ve been trying to eye people who are kind of support-like, but fill other roles, and try them.

First I tried Lux. I like Lux. She’s a caster/damage dealer of sorts, only her attacks all have some sort of movement interruption to them. Her little beam will stun enemies for awhile, and her little light field slows champions that walk into it. Thus, she can support people by holding people back for others to kill, as well as potentially using her little shield to save a friend. What I like most about her, though, is her laser gun. Her ultimate has a really short cooldown, and it’s this laser with a huge range that hits everyone in a straight line. It’s so satisfying picking off a nearly-dead champion with it, and you can really clear a lane of minions if needed with it as well. Plus, since it has such a short cooldown, you’re using it often, unlike some ultimates.
My problems with her is that I just don’t feel like I’m building her right. I mean, I focus on some cooldown reduction, so I can use the laser more often, and she needs some ability power if she’s ever going to kill, but I never feel like I’m really doing enough with her. I also find her shield mostly useless, though I’ve heard it’s great. Since it has to be aimed away from Lux to go off, I have trouble activating it in time to save myself, which would be one of the best uses of it. I feel like I’m still missing some things with her.

Next, I tried Alistar. He’s a healer-tank type who can take some damage, but also has a stun and can do this charging punch that both deals a good amount of damage and also knocks a champion back in the direction you hit them, potentially letting you smack people into other attacks. He has a little heal, too, but it’s never going to be too powerful because I doubt you’re going to be pumping up his ability power. His ultimate ups his attack damage, but also breaks him out of stuns and slows so he can escape, which is nice.
I feel like I could like Alistar, but I really am having trouble. His heal has shitty range, making it hard to heal friends with it, which everyone seems to expect me to do when I play as him. His stun, as well, has really finicky range. He smacks down in front of him, but it never seems to show up exactly where I expect, and I whiff with it quite often. His charge punch is fantastic for finishing people off, but I can’t seem to master the “stun and then knock into a tower” combo I’ve seen people do with him. My aim is always off, and unlike Tristana’s big shot, which you can still get use out of as a defensive measure to knock back people chasing you if you can’t use it offensively like that, Alistar’s punch can’t really be used defensively very well. I really do feel like I could like him, but I have a long, long way to go with him.

I also have my eye on Galio, as he seems like a tank I could get behind, but I haven’t picked him up to try yet.

Yeah, I’m working with things, and it is interesting. Compared with Aesa and Jonathan and such, I still have a long, long way to go, but at least I’m having a good time with it. It continues to be fun, shocking even me.

A long time ago, I put a game called Rock of the Dead on my Gamefly queue. It was supposed to be a light gun game that used the Guitar Hero controllers. This, to me, sounded like a great idea. I mean, a typing game made a fantastic light gun shooter. I pictured something that was sort of a cross between Typing of the Dead and Gitaroo Man. Only with zombies, I guess, because zombies are overused. But still, it would be pretty sweet, right? Even a mediocre game like that could be fairly fun.

Holy shit, Rock of the Dead is terrible.

From the moment you turn the game on, you know you’re in for an extremely budget experience. The menus are awful. They’re like standard XNA fonts on something that is supposed to look like a notebook, but most of the text is too small to read, even on an HD screen. That’s quite a feat. I was immediately filled with dread, but I figured since I had it rented, I might as well try it. What’s the harm, right? Might be some easy achievements, if nothing else.

Once you get into the game proper, it gets even worse. The graphics are PS2 era, at best, with little to no animation on anything. There are voice actors doing a “story” here, but oh man, it is so terrible. And not in a “funny” way. It’s just bad. They’re trying to say jokes that aren’t even jokes, and the game seems to pause and wait for you to laugh, like there was somebody out there who would. Even in the first screen, objects are repeated exactly. There are these meteors, and they are literally cut and pasted everywhere. There is a grandfather character who is not actually animated to stand up, so I guess he kind of teleports around in this lawn chair all the time.

All this could be forgiven in the gameplay was actually fun, but they basically screwed up the one thing I wouldn’t think anyone would screw up: attacking enemies does not involve playing the guitar. If this is a guitar game, everything I do needs to sound like badass guitar riffs or play into an overall song. This game doesn’t do that at all. There is an incredibly generic and unsatisfying shooting noise each time you hit a note. It doesn’t feel like you’re playing a guitar at all. Sometimes there will be a “boss,” where you have to play a song, but this song is completely disconnected from the soundtrack of the level. Like, the soundtrack of the level just stops, this plays for 20 seconds or whatever, and then the level comes back in. There’s nothing musical about the experience whatsoever.

I hope nobody actually purchased this game. It’s pretty completely garbage with what could have been an easy, fun idea and an enjoyable budget game. Man, what an unfortunate waste.

I finally started playing Nier again, and as I continued, I basically fell completely in love with it. It’s creative, heartfelt, and weird. I love it. But I’ll talk about that more once I finish it.

What I want to talk about today is Nier’s main character. I believe his offical name is, oddly enough, Nier, though I was tricked into naming him Alexis because the game was kind of unclear why I was typing in a name!
Basically, I just kind of love his design.

I remember all the discussions about the design of Frank West, and how they set out to make an “ugly character.” They wanted to make something that would appeal to western audiences, something that wasn’t a “pretty boy.” Nier is much this kind of character. So much so that, apparently, they released a second version of the game in Japan which is exactly the same, but they replaced him with a Teenage Pretty Boy, which just kind of blows my mind. I don’t know why they would do that to a character who is very deep and very different from your normal protagonist. Even just looking at Nier, you can just tell. This is an older man, middle-aged or maybe even older, with greying hair. He’s strong, sure, but not a buff, “sexy” strong. Instead, he is a hardened over years of hardship strong. He doesn’t look like any other game protagonist, and they don’t achieve that by making him look super-crazy. He’s just a type of guy you don’t see.

I feel like his character (Again, at least as far as I’ve gotten. I haven’t beaten my first playthrough yet) is also a departure from the norm. He’s a “good guy” who is out to help people, but he does it in a very real way. His heart is in the right place, but he doesn’t always feel he can solve any problem he comes across. (At one point he asks, “But what could I do? I’m just a big, dumb guy who hits things. What you need is a doctor.”) At the same time, it’s not in a dramatic despair way. If he can’t help, he can’t, which sucks, but that’s really all there is to it. He has a lower intelligence stat, but a high wisdom, if you’re using DnD sort of terms. When he’s nice, he’s doing it because he feels it’s important, but also because he is definitely getting something out of it. He’s helping his daughter in all he does, but if he can help out some others on the way, all the better. He’s a single father who is a bit awkward around his daughter, trying to be a good dad while also having to run around and fight to cure her of illness.

Is any of this rambling making sense? He’s a powerful character because his looks dodge stereotypes in a mostly realistic way, and his character is built with actual realistic motivations for doing the huge number of bullshit things your normal RPG hero does everyday. On top of that, the dialog and banter in the game is really top notch and by far the best thing about it thus far. This, from a game where you can ride a boar and use it to DRIFT AROUND CORNERS. So yeah, this is pretty solid dialog I’m talking about here, and the voice actor for Nier does a great job of selling it, too.

Nier is certainly one of the strongest, most well-thought-out protagonists I’ve seen since, say, Francis York Morgan. (That’s supposed to be a compliment. If there’s one thing about Deadly Premonition that works, it’s that Francis York Morgan is a completely realized and internally consistent character who is completely interesting to watch and learn things about.) I really look forward to seeing the rest of the game, and the twists it supposedly throws into things. If you enjoy games that are sometimes a little off, but do really amazing, interesting stuff in the game design space, you really should give Nier a shot as well. I waited awhile, but I’m very glad I got to it.

Pokemon is out and everyone is excited about their Pokemons and things of that nature, which is cool.

I can’t do it anymore.

I have so many fond memories of Pokemon. I remember seeing it in Nintendo Power, and being so incredibly excited for its release. I remember playing Red for hours and hours on end, and even more on Gold. I remember being frustrated that I, at random, picked the version without Vulpix time and again. I remember buying tons of Pokemon trading cards, and going to a Trading Card Game Day at Toys R Us and playing with lots of little kids who did not completely understand the rules, but who were super excited to be playing. Hell, I remember going to Pokemon Center New York, and buying a Pokemon Mini because why the fuck not, and buying shirts and plush toys and generally being excited about it. I remember buying Ruby during that trip, because it came out then, and I wanted to play it on the way home. I remember watching the show, and buying DVDs of it because I am so entertained by this children’s entertainment. I remember Pokemon being the gateway to all this ridiculous furry shit I’m wrapped up in, which has lead me to basically every important romantic relationship of my life.

Pokemon is important to me. I love Pokemon.

I have played Pokemon, though. It’s the same game over and over, only with new monsters that I tend not to like as much as the old ones. I mean, okay, occasionally one will come along that I really enjoy, but I mostly want my Vulpix and my Eevee and my Wobuffet. In a perfect world, I want them to do the same things they’ve always done and I want to do them again and again.
Nintendo gives this to me, but it’s taken awhile for me to realize that I don’t really want that anymore. I’ve played that. I want something new. I want something different. Even getting Spaeth to make me eggs of all the Pokemon I wanted to start with, and the appeal of the Pokewalker, wasn’t enough to get me to play Soul Silver much. I just want something new.

I mean, look at Pokemon Mystery Dungeon. I have played so fucking much Mystery Dungeon, because it’s the Pokemon I love with mechanics that were certainly fresh when I started (it was really my first roguelike that I ever seriously got into) and are much deeper and more interesting than the actual game is to me at this point.

Everyone playing White and Black? I hope you enjoy it. I resisted buying it, and every time I think about giving in, I know I made the right choice. Maybe in another generation or two, I’ll be ready to hop back in. I just can’t play the same constant, very long grind to make the few Pokemon I like kind of useful to defeat some gym leaders and then hit a hurdle when I get to Victory Road because everyone is like 10 levels higher for no reason again. I can’t do it right now. I may not be able to do it again. You all best love Pokemon for me, though! Love it hard. Thank you.

There are plenty of questionable design decisions in Army of Two: The 40th Day. The controls, for example, are absolutely perplexing, and do nothing but frustrate. You can’t switch weapons when close to your teammate, for example, because the same button that switches weapons starts a game of Rock Paper Scissors, which is obviously more important in a game where you have to both work together and shoot people.

That is not the thing I want to highlight, though.

Essner and I were playing through, because hey, it was there, and we had started the campaign awhile back. After a dramatic cutscene, we got to a boss, where we then died. Well, no surprise there. The game is kind of hard and we’re fighting with the controls and aren’t great anyway. Might as well try again.

Only the game respawns us back before the last firefight. Then we have to watch the cutscene again: it can’t be skipped. Then we get back into the boss battle, and die immediately.
Then we do it again.
And again.
And again.

This is a third person, cover-based shooter. Have these people just never played other games in the genre to learn where to put checkpoints? This game developer has at least made one other game before, namely the first Army of Two. Surely they received feedback to tell them this is a bad idea? Hell, have these people EVER played a video game before? Nobody is okay with unskippable cutscenes, especially when you have to watch them a second time. This is why you checkpoint after every single cutscene.

This is simple stuff. Simple, simple stuff. The controls and such, I can believe. They tried to do something to give the player more options, and it kind of fucked up. Alright. I understand. But I just can’t understand how a game developer in this day and age can be completely clueless on how to put checkpoints and cutscenes in their game. There is years of history of video games to learn this from. Years. Congratulations, EA Montreal! You sure know how to go out of your way to fuck up what could be a fine to fun experience with mistakes nobody at this point in the history of video games should make.

Mafia started again, and I’m playing again! This put my mind squarely in Mafia territory, and I found myself working on a set of Mafia rules while I went about and did my thing this evening. Here’s an attempt to get them down in a first draft. When/If I actually present it, I am going to flavor text the fuck out of it even more, don’t you worry. If you have opinions, tell me what you think.

—

Mafia Complex: Paranoia Mafia

-The Following Flavor Text is RED-Clearance-
MISSION ALERT!
Your friend and ours, Friend Computer, has summoned its mightiest RED-Clearance Troubleshooters here to the Troubledome to attempt to remove traitors from our beloved Alpha Complex once and for all! And you’ll see it all, right here, on So You Think You Can Troubleshoot Survivor Idol! And here come our Troubleshooters now!

Due to the wild and amazingly badass shootout before the show (not pictured) our poor Troubleshooters are only left with 3 clones apiece! Can they manage to find the horrible traitors in time? We’ll find out, because they’re not leaving the studio until your leader and mine, the one and only best friend we all have, Friend Computer, says they are done!

—All Information Past This Point In This Post, Unless Otherwise Stated, Is Ultraviolet Clearance—

Friend Computer has gathered you all here to try a new, improved Troubleshooting method, one that’s 12% more humane, according to early tests in R&D. Friend Computer suspects each and every one of you of belonging to a traitorous Secret Society, thanks to Int-Sec moles within secret societies who report their activities daily. As Troubleshooters, you find trouble, and then shoot it. Friend Computer, in its wisdom, has instructed each of you to find Secret Society members and shoot them with a new type of weapon, called “Lynch Voting.” Even better, Friend Computer has decided that it would raise morale in Alpha Complex .06% to televise use of this method as a brand new reality show, making the entire experience extremely public. All Troubleshooters must report to the Troubledome every morning to vote and decide who Friend Computer will execute. This will continue until Friend Computer believes there are no Secret Society Members left. There’s only one way any Secret Society members are going to get out of this spotlight: by removing everyone not in their society, so that there’s no dissent when they tell Friend Computer there are no traitors left.

That basically means that Troubleshooters are the Town, and Secret Society Members would be the Mafia. Just to be clear.

Each day, everyone will vote on which Troubleshooter is actually a member of a Secret Society. At the end of the day, the person who has the majority of the votes will be executed by Friend Computer. If there is not a clear majority decision, every single player with at least two votes against him or her will die. Friend Computer, in its wisdom, knows it’s better to be safe than sorry.
There will then be a night phase. Members of a secret society may talk to one another during this phase, but no other conversation between players is allowed. Secret Society members will pick one Troubleshooter to kill. At the end of the night, whoever is picked will die.
Days will last the standard 72 hours, or 24 hours after a majority is reached, whichever is soonest. Nights will last the standard 48 hours.
Nobody can die more than once in a day or night.

Along with Secret Societies, Alpha Complex is also plagued with traitors of another kind: horrible mutants. These mutants can have strange and terrible powers. However, they are not always reliable. After the first use in a game, every power is subject to dice rolls to determine it’s effectiveness. This is represented through a failure rating. A first use in the game will always work. The next one will require a roll to pass with the failure rating as set. If the rating was 50, for example, a 50 or higher would have to be rolled on a d100 in order for it to work without a problem. Each use after the second raises the failure rating by ten. Yes, that means that, eventually, there will be no way for the power to go off without a hitch. Failure does not always mean the power does not “work.” It is different for each horrible mutant ability. Some examples follow.

Machine Empathy: The Worst Thing, a Machine Empath can make Friend Computer feel feelings, and manipulate those to get something out of our beloved leader. This means that a Machine Empath can make an Accusation in the name of another troubleshooter, for whatever reason they want, and have it stick. This is kind of a modified Killer. Failure Rating: 90. Failure Effect: Everything goes through, but the Machine Empath is outed.

Highlander Syndrome: Although seeming dead, this horrible mutant will, instead, get back up once without using up a clone. This will not be announced, but those keeping track will potentially pick up on it. This is a passive ability. Failure Rating: 100. Failure Effect: Nothing happens.

Telepathy: Using powers of the mind, this terrible mutant can send a secret message to another person. The sender of this message will not know who sent it, unless the mutant includes their identity in the message itself. Failure Rating: 10. Failure Effect: Everything goes through, but the Telepath is outed.

Flesh Pockets: This mutant’s body is covered in pockets made of their own flesh, which is perfect for carrying things while naked, or for performing sneaky slight of hand tricks. In the current situation, one of most useful of these tricks would be switching lynch ballots at the last minute, while nobody is looking. This mutant can publicly vote however he or she wants, and it will show up as the recorded vote. However, this mutant can make a “real” vote, cast in secret, and it is this secret vote which will determine the outcome of the day. This may be hard to spot unless their vote changes the outcome of the lynch. Failure Rating: 50. Failure Effect: Though not officially outed, the real vote is documented, and not the fake one, in vote tallies.

Compulsion Enhancer: Able to mentally tap into the needs of others, this mutant can create incredibly intense needs to do particular actions in their victims. When activated, the mutant picks an action that can be described in 8 words or less. Examples would be “Vote for shivam with no explanation,” or “Type only in orange text.” The target of the mutant’s ability must follow this order, to the best of their ability, for the rest of the phase when it is used. They cannot confirm, deny, or mention that they are being controlled. Failure Rating: 80. Failure Effect: The target learns the name of the mutant attempting control, does not have to follow the order, and may talk about being controlled freely, if they wish.

Memory Vampirism: With a touch, this horrible mutant can receive visions of past events related to the object at their fingertips. This is most effective, of course, when used on a person-object, otherwise known as a dead body. This mutant can determine any secret society affiliations of any dead clone. This is an active ability, however, so they must pick and choose who to examine. Failure Rating: 0. Failure Effect: The mutant still gets their information, but they are outed.

Xerox Vision: With just a look, this twisted mutant can copy the abilities of fellow horrible mutants. When used on a target, the mutant loses the Xerox Vision ability, but gains the horrible mutant power, if any, which the target possesses. The target does not lose their ability, and does not know they have been affected by Xerox Vision. The target’s power is only copied on the mutant’s current clone, though. A future clone with Xerox Vision has Xerox Vision, not the copied ability. Counters of how many times a power has been used persist throughout copies. A mutant who copied an ability, used it, died, then copied the same ability would be on the second use of the copied ability as far as rolling for failure is concerned. Similarly, that second copy would have had to pass a failure check to have gone off. Failure Rating: 70 Failure Effect: The mutant loses Xerox Vision on this clone and does not gain a new mutation, but knows what power, if any, they would have received if the power had not failed. The target is told Xerox Vision has been used on them, and who used it.

There is one more thing that anyone can do: they can send an accusation of traitorous behavior to Friend Computer at any time during the day, as many times as they wish. Int-Sec agents must do this as part of their job, but Friend Computer knows that the citizens of Alpha Complex must be vigilant if they are going to stamp out traitorous activity wherever it is found, and will gladly listen to any citizen. If backed up with evidence that proves the behavior (links to posts, images, etc.) then Friend Computer will have the accused executed at the end of the day, along with a public explanation of who made the accusation and what the evidence was. If the evidence is not sufficient, it will still be posted and reported, but no execution will take place.
-The Following List Is RED-Clearance-
Here is a list of traitorous behavior.

Being a member of a Secret Society.
Not enjoying the taste of New Diet Bouncy Bubbly Beverage.
Being a mutant or using a mutant power.
Contradicting Friend Computer.
Not answering the Daily Survey.
Lying to or disobeying Friend Computer.
Using or communicating knowledge you do not have clearance for.
Being unhappy, most likely due to not taking your daily Mood Adjustment Supplements.
[LIST ENTRY NOT AVAILABLE AT YOUR CLEARANCE LEVEL]
Making too many accusations.
Not following the rules of the game.
Forming labor unions.
-Thus Ends The RED-Clearance Section-

Everyone in the game has 2 spare clones, waiting in the wings. When they die, their clone comes in to take their place. You have three lives, essentially. Because Friend Computer knows that most citizens are good citizens, and that death is a fantastic teacher of good behavior, it does not assume that clones of the same person carry the same affiliations or mutations as previous versions. Evidence against a dead clone is, therefore, not going to be sufficient evidence to convince Friend Computer to execute a Troubleshooter.

The Troubleshooters win the game by killing all the Secret Society Members. A Secret Society wins by having a majority of the remaining Troubleshooters being members of the society.

Keep your laser, er, lynch vote handy. Trust no one. The Computer is your friend. Trust the Computer.

Sure, Tiny Wings is all well and good, but the game I’ve seriously been putting a long time into on my iPod is Battleheart.

This is a game you have to buy.

Battleheart is a strange mix of brawler and RTS that works perfectly on the iPod. You build a party of 4 different characters, and equip them with gear and so on. Then you run into battle scenarios that are kind of like one screen of a brawler. Your party members have a very low level of autonomy. They will attack enemies that attack them, but that’s about it. You issue commands by dragging the characters to what you want them to do. Drag your knight to a goblin, and he starts attacking the goblin. Drag your healer to another party member, and they start healing the party member. Drag your thief to an open area? They move there. While this keeps the number of moves each character can do pretty limited, it’s also fantastically intuitive.

Tapping on a character brings up icons of that character’s special abilities at the top of the screen. These icons stay until you tap another character: you can give drag commands and not change what icons you have up top. There’s no MP or anything, but these abilities have cooldowns you have to manage. You simply tap the icon to activate them. All the character classes have different abilities, and even within the same character classes, you can spec out your character’s skill tree in different ways. For example, my cleric has an attack buff spell, but I could have, instead, taken a defensive buff spell, if I wanted. You can respec a character at any time at no cost, and you can have plenty of characters in reserve that you can swap in and out of your four person party, so you can even tailor the loadout to the type of enemies in the battle you are fighting, if you’d like.

The game really does a fantastic job of being hectic, and keeping you on your toes, but not feeling so crazy as to feel unfair. You are constantly juggling healing targets, pulling enemies away from your magic users, and activating buffs at useful times. It’s a game that requires complete concentration, and it is a ton of fun for it.

If there’s one downside, its that it can sometimes be hard to select the character you want if you bunch them up. If your Monk and your Knight are in the same place, sometimes it’s hard to pick the character in the back. However, this doesn’t really bother me much. The game is good at staggering characters attacking the same enemy, or putting one in front and one in back, and it is rarely an issue on most levels. If nothing else, it’s just another thing you have to plan for as you manipulate the battlefield.

I don’t know how long the game is, but I have put multiple hours into it already and it has not gotten old. Plus, I’ve only used maybe 5 of the 8 or so classes in the game, so if I wanted some variety, I could try switching in classes like Bard and Barbarian that I haven’t tried yet. It’s a fine value. What’s more, it’s a game perfectly suited to the platform that is a ton of fun. If you like gaming on your iDevice, I highly recommend the game. I doubt you will regret your purchase.

The carpet in the upstairs is being replaced! That means you get reviews of iPhone games! That makes sense right? I think so? Something like that.

Anyway, the game that is currently ALL THE RAGE is Tiny Wings, and because I am perfectly weak to cute, as much as anyone else, I did pick it up.

Tiny Wings has a lot of similarities to something like a Canabalt or a Hook Worlds. You’re a tiny cute bird with, appropriately, tiny wings, and you have to try to move forward as fast as possible while navigating obstacles, and get as far as you can before “night falls,” which is really just something chasing you. The only real way to interact is tapping on the screen anywhere.

However, I do have to admit that, besides the cuteness charm, which the game does have, it also adds a different twist to the game. You score points by being in the air (because the little birdy wants to fly, you see) but you can only get in the air by ramping yourself off of hills. Not having a finger pressed to the screen makes the little bird flap his wings like crazy, making him light, and able to float. Pressing on the screen makes him press into himself, and he falls like a rock downward and, somehow, has a ton more weight.
Instead of jumping over things, then, you’re instead trying to get the maximum amount of speed off of each hill by pressing down while going down a hill, to pick up speed, but then letting go at the right moment so the little birdy ramps off and flies into the air. It’s actually kind of like doing proper jumps in a Tony Hawk, now that I think about it. If you release “perfectly,” the little bird does a little chirp, and you get more points. You can also collect coins to increase your score, and sometimes it’s better to do a worse jump that gets you back on the ground to collect coins than to really get soaring off of a hill.

It’s accessible and fun, and I understand why it’s gotten all the attention it’s gotten. However, like many of these sorts of games, if you don’t have friends to chase after scores with, or don’t get into a high score mood, Tiny Wings will quickly get old, as mastery is all that it offers. They set up goals to complete to “upgrade your nest” on the main menu, which is nice, but they’re mostly just “do better” so I haven’t really felt compelled to really chase after them. Still, I, honestly, had more fun with it than with Angry Birds, so…

While I am incredibly bad at it, Settlers of America: Trails to Rails is a pretty cool game. It’s also very impressive in how it is completely accurate to the game it is based on, and yet plays completely and utterly different in actual execution.

In general, the game seems very similar to Catan. You have five resources, and you collect them based on dice rolls and the location of your cities. You can trade them around to build things, or to move units about, like Catan: Cities and Knights. 7s make you discard resources if you have too many, and move a thief around. It’s all extremely familiar.

However, taking the game as another Catan is kind of a bad move, as the changes to the goals of the game change the strategy significantly. Instead of building a certain number of things, your goal is to supply all your goods to rival cities by driving a train to the city and dropping the good off. Each city on the board can only be delivered to once, and you only unlock goods to deliver if you build more cities. Add to that the fact that you can only use other player’s tracks if you pay them a gold each turn you want to use them, and you have a game with a ton of strategy. You don’t want to expand too fast, because you can’t supply your own cities and you’d just be giving your opponents easy access. At the same time, you do want to expand fast to have access to more spaces to get more resources, and unlock more goods. Building rails lets other players have access to your cities, which helps them win, but it also, potentially, gives you a source of gold, which is a good thing.

I really can’t figure this game out. I have been dead, dead last each time I’ve played. Because tracks are not useful for expansion, I tend to ignore them until it’s too late for me to really get in there and deliver goods. I just can’t wrap my head around the balanced approach you really have to apply when playing the game. That doesn’t make it a bad game, of course. I think it’s a rather fantastic game, though it’s quite a lot longer to play than normal Catan. I want to keep trying it, but yeah. It’s complex. Still, people like that. People tend to prefer Cities and Knights to regular Catan because they’re weird.