The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

You’re getting links today. Sorry! I’ve kind of ended up taking the day off. Well, sort of. I still work all day. But I’m not taking on any more work! So here’s some nice links for your clicking pleasure.

The most important question: What would Molydeux?

It’s animated gif corner! We have only the finest of gifs that have been animated for your pleasure.
How about this gif?
Not the anime type? Well, how about this one?
Too many words? Perhaps this one is more your style.
Not a fan of the bomb squad since they sold out. Then try this gif.
All the gifs! We have all the gifs here at animated gif corner.

I feel like this one is pretty accurate.

You need videos? We have videos.
This may be the best glitch of all time. A massive improvement on the game.
Here’s a video of pure joy to get your day started.
Have you ever wanted someone to walk you through the complicated rules of the games kids play? There is now a video series that does just that. Please watch both videos, and they are both amazing.

See you tomorrow! At some point I’ll finish the dumb half-article I’ve been plinking away at, and you’ll see it.

I’m still kind of sick. Did you know? I’ve been really sick.

Last night I wasn’t feeling great, but I had heard horror stories about what happened the night before when I wasn’t there. Kathy had stayed with them, apparently, and done a lot of pestering, rushing, and so forth. This basically made the shift suck for everyone involved, and they were there very late. I decided I’d call in and check on the situation before I said I wasn’t coming. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. If it was going to be a nightmare, I could probably push and make it in for my team.

I call, and it’s like the worst-case scenario. The only person there, and the one that would have to stay, was Deedee. I’ve talked about my general issues with Deedee before, and I won’t go over them again. Our conversation went like this.
“Hi, Deedee. I am still feel pretty bleh, but better than yesterday. I just wasn’t sure if I should play it safe or call in tonight. I don’t want to push myself and make myself sick again, but I don’t want to leave you all hanging.”
“Well, things go terribly without you around. They were here really late last night.”
“Yeah, I heard. But I couldn’t do it last night. Barely in consideration tonight.”
“I’m the only one here to stay, and I know nothing about it. Chris is here, but he’s not you.”
“Yeah, though he knows his stuff.”
“I’m not going to tell you to come in. But I don’t want to be here until 2 in the morning.”
“I don’t either. I’ll get sicker.”
“Well, I mean, it’s up to you. But you’re needed.”
At this point, it feels clear to me that she doesn’t give a shit about my well-being either way, she just doesn’t want to stay. I see the night ahead for my team.
“I’ll come in. But if I feel bad, I’m just going to leave, and the floor will have to finish in the morning, okay?”
“Awesome. And I’ll call in everyone early so you can get done.”

I get to work, and she hadn’t done that, by the way. Didn’t even try to call anyone.

Anyway, I felt like shit and barely got anything done. But we actually did get all of the ad done as a team before it got too late, even with me working at maybe 40%. (I spent a decent portion of the night laying down in the break room recovering.) My team is pretty awesome. However, I felt kind of sad we weren’t going to leave them extra work. Then someone said “We should leave them a stack of fake signs!”

So I did.

I took a few printouts, and put them on top of a big stack of blank paper, and left it on the desk.

They didn’t call me this morning complaining, so hopefully they could take a joke.

Anyway, I really hate this job more and more. I wish I could leave it but take everyone awesome I work with with me to wherever I go next so I wouldn’t feel so conflicted about wanting to leave.

I’ve been sick as fuck yesterday and today. That’s why there wasn’t a post.

After spending all of both days basically sleeping (and being taken care of by a very nice Aesa), I feel almost alive again. I haven’t been so completely ill in quite some time. My fever never got TOO high, but I couldn’t get out of bed, and so on.

Anyway, hopefully I will be close to 100% tomorrow. Then I can write some sort of bullshit for you.

Until then, though, have a good day.

Okay, so remember when I complained about work awhile back? That shit has continued. Every night since there has been some other completely ridiculous and stupid issue going on. Either we’ve got too few people, or too many people, or only half of the store has signs to put up, or all the information is filled with typos and is incorrect… it’s been ridiculous. What the fuck is going on at corporate? I assume someone, who was competent and about to lose their job because of the same reason I am, left for a job that wasn’t going away, and now we have the C team trying to do all this work and having no fucking idea what they’re doing. Anyway, it’s frustrating to have to deal with. Luckily, I’ve kind of sort of stopped giving a shit all together about work there, so that does help a bit. But goodness.

So here’s a text conversation I had with my mother yesterday. We were figuring out when everyone could go out to eat for my birthday, and then we have this conversation.
“CJ is more than welcome to come to this, you know.”
“I’m glad, I was planning on bringing him.”
“He’s part of the family now.”
“It makes me incredibly happy to hear that, Mom.”
Did she figure out that we’re, uh, a thing? Or is she just awesome? I dunno nor care. I just know it’s fucking awesome and I’m glad she “gets it” on some level. That really reduces a lot of stupid worry on my part.

I feel like I’m slowly but surely starting to get used to this whole “I am not the only person in a bed” thing. It’s strange, but nice. I’ve had a decently big bed to myself my whole life, and I’m used to sprawling. Having someone else there requires different strategies. However, I’ve kind of found that I tend to fall asleep faster employing those strategies. I don’t know why. I suppose that’s a good thing.
Still, what happens is I wake up in the middle of the night, and toss and or turn, and then realize I’m not alone and I’m going to wake someone up, and then freak out, and then smack my hand on the bedside table, and freak out about that, and then I’m wide awake. Which is really stupid and not conducive to a complete night’s sleep. Heh, I’ll get over myself at some point.
At least Q seems to have adapted well. He’s gotten used to having to curl up between us at the foot of the bed instead of getting to sprawl out all over like me. He’s stopped being all kind of half growl-y at Aesa getting in bed and invading me and his space. That’s nice.

Wow, why was this blog so hard to write? I am a failure at writing today. It must be the MAXIMUM IDES we are right in the middle of.

I’m just going to talk about some more stuff about Aesa moving in. Sorry. It’s what is on my mind.

It’s strange to be treated like a woman in a relationship constantly.

I don’t mean that people don’t respect me and shit in my life otherwise. For the most part, people are awesome. But I also have a history with them, of course, which does play into our interactions. Frankly, I wouldn’t have it any other way: I didn’t leave here for a reason. I don’t want to burn those bridges to the past. There was a lot of depression in my past, but a lot of awesome shit too. No reason for it to go away.

But being around someone who has always thought of me as a woman and whom I am so close to is just… interesting. The dynamic is so different. I mean, it’s been different with other people too. It’s not like I didn’t feel like a woman around Brer. It’s just I’ve always, for the most part, been a tomboyish force in that relationship and some of the “stuff” I am seeing now just isn’t his style. He’s not a super-emotional guy on the outside. He doesn’t believe in tradition for tradition’s sake. All that is part of who he is, and why I love him, and I feel super comfortable and happy around him.

Aesa, though, is kind of a classic romantic. He brought me chocolates on Valentine’s. He showed up to the house with flowers. He wants to drive me everywhere (Brer did this too, but that didn’t trigger this because that just made practical sense: he knew the area and I didn’t). He orders for me at restaurants. He insists on paying for everything.
It’s… nice! It’s nice. It’s a blush-inducing change of pace. Not necessarily better. But it’s nice. It just really throws me off. I’ve been used to doing things like paying and taking charge in this stuff all my life. None of that felt like I was doing the wrong thing or something. I never really felt like I was being forced to play a role I didn’t fit into with that stuff (unlike other things in my life). Now I’m in this situation where I feel almost in competition about it. I’m having a polite dating etiquette war. It’s just weird.

It’s not just that stuff either. I don’t know. Here is a moment from the other day. I asked Aesa what he was watching. He said it was a movie that was really violent, and thus probably not my sort of thing. This statement kind of confused me until I realized that he’s saying it’s a guy movie, and that was kind of the first time someone had put up a barrier because “it’s a male thing” in reference to me.

It’s interesting times for me, I guess is what I’m saying. It’s taken more time to get my head around than I thought it would. But if worrying about how I’m interpreting this stuff is the biggest thing on my mind right now, I’d say life is going pretty fucking wonderful.

In the other room, Aesa is asleep. I’m sitting here working on job applications and writing blogs and shit, and in the other room is a not-dog, sleeping in my house, and he’s going to stay there.

What a relief.

I mean, I’m sure there will be all sorts of unimagined issues and whatever the fuck, you know? These sorts of things happen when people live in the same space. I’m sure there will be even more issues and things to work through when Brer gets here. But goddamn, I am so glad to be having those issues in the future instead of ones of loneliness and whatnot. Being lonely fucking sucks.

I feel like what we’re going to have to work on first is the whole not being together constantly thing. I still need to play my dumb vidjeo gamez and I assume he does too. I need to be able to go into my office and get schoolwork done. Hopefully the fact that this is spring break will help us transition to a state where we’re not all desperately attached at the hip. Heh. I’m sure that’ll happen without issue, though. We also need to figure out chores and things and other things… so many things.

So many things. But goddamn, I am ready for tackling these things. I am ready to have normal people problems. I am ready to have family problems. I am ready to have a family.

I’m excited. Very excited. What I’ve been working so hard for is nearly a reality, and that is… amazing. One moved in, one to go. Life is great.

Sorry to take a day to celebrate, but I feel like it’s worth celebrating. A more standard blog tomorrow, promise.

I have a link or two for you. Are you interested? Too bad, you’re getting them anyway.

Let’s get the ponies out of the way first.
Here’s a funny pony video. Whee! Funny pony videos! Amirite?
The wait for the next episode of Friendship is Witchcraft continues, but at least I got to listen to this outtake reel from the other episodes. (I could listen to Griffin riffing as Silver Spoon for a lot longer than they do in the video. Heh.)
This is how you put a nice easter egg in an episode for the fans.

ENOUGH PONIES!
Ever wonder what pets had college degrees? This list on Wikipedia has you covered.
Well hey, Street Fighter x Tekken seems to be doing some things right! Too bad the online is apparently complete ass.
You deserve more pigeon dating, so why not read the sequel to the Hatoful Boyfriend LP that I loved so much awhile back? It’s just as good, if not BETTER.
This pretty well sums up the Mass Effect Situation.
It’s your birthday.
Did you ever wonder how to make the cutest dogs ever? Apparently the solution is to crossbreed any dog with a corgi.
I found this interesting, and then shared it with my class. Maybe you won’t! I dunno.
Word on the street is that this chart is old, but maybe it’s still new to you, like it was to me, and will make you laugh.
Sometimes people on twitter have humorous tweets. Like this one. Or this one.

Bye for now! I’m heading back to the Citadel. I hear I have a lot of favorite stores there.

Today I am going to see my psychologist, and I’m kind of dreading it.

I just feel like I’m in a weird place in my relationship with her. There was a time when she was a huge help, a huge motivator, and a huge balancing force in my life. I needed to go and see her and talk to her. I had lists of things to talk to her about every week, and often didn’t get to them all. I then got to a point where I needed her for other reasons. I needed her to help me get on hormones, get things started, make sure I’m not forgetting anything dumb about transitioning, and be there as a guide to answer questions.

Now, I don’t know why I go. I have to wrack my brain for things to talk about that I actually want to talk about. I mostly just end up telling her about significant things I did, which, I mean, I already kind of do here with you, blog, so that seems a bit unnecessary. It’s just this formality, for the most part, that costs me quite a lot of money and quite a lot of time.

Occasionally, I do have something I want to really talk about, but more and more, I am finding it to be something that I have trouble doing. Bringing up things I find important feels difficult to do, because in a lot of ways, I feel like the sort of things I am bringing up now are things that she does not agree with. We’ll often get into conversations where she will stop me in the middle of a story I’m telling, and tell me how I should have done it, before I tell her about the outcome I got that I am very happy with. I often feel like I am put on trial, in a sense, having to somehow justify decisions I should not have to justify. It just feels awkward, in a space where I’m supposed to feel safe to speak my mind, to feel like I have to hold back how I feel or somehow temper it to sound like something she can support. I mean, it’s not like I’m talking about unhealthy things here. It’d be different if I was talking about something that was causing me harm. But it’s not that sort of stuff. I mean, like, we had a conversation about polyamory, and she is clearly pretty against it. But that’s a thing I’m doing and, frankly, with Aesa moving here and everything getting crazy, is the big thing on my mind right now. But now I feel like I can’t talk about it to some extent. I mean, I don’t feel ashamed about my decisions, and the relationships I am in. Fuck no. I just really rather hate confrontation. If I have to defend myself, why am I even going? If this isn’t a place where I can relax and talk about my problems and feelings, what’s the purpose? If the thing that’s supposed to help deal with my stress and problems is creating stress and problems, what’s the point? I kind of don’t know.

My psychologist is an awesome person. I have nothing but respect for her, and I would recommend her to anyone needing the sort of help I needed. But… well, I said to Kale the other day something along the lines of this: I am finally, truly feeling that my life is less a desperate run from disaster and despair on a day to day basis and more something I am establishing that I can be proud of. It shocked me to say that. It shocked me to say I felt I was on sure footing. But I am, for once. I can do this without that help now. I really believe that. I want to move on and live my life.

That’s it. That’s what this is. This is a tie that makes it clear where I’ve come from. This is a reminder of how much of a failure I was, of how much of a mess. I go there, and I feel like that mess again, and I leave, and I feel better to be away from it. I want to lose that connection. I want to finally just fucking be myself, without strings and caveats. I want to live a life that’s mine. I want to move on. I’ve seriously fucking forgotten what life was like before in a lot of ways, and I am so fucking glad I am at that point where I can forget how terrible I felt. But she is a constant reminder that I was not well, may still not be well. She makes me feel like I haven’t succeeded, not because of anything bad or wrong or disagreeable that she’s doing, but just because of what the memories connected to being there bring up in myself. It’s a 5 hour process of reminding myself that I’m broken, when I no longer feel that way the majority of the time.

Talking about this stuff can help. But goodness, I wonder how I explain all THAT to her.

I get to work to do work like I normally do last night. That’s a thing I do. Work. Anyway, I get there, and work begins! Then I am called to the office.

My boss goes, “Look at this corporate e-mail. This might be trouble.” I take a look. The e-mail basically says that one set of signs I am supposed to have my team put up tonight doesn’t exist right now, because corporate screwed up. It would be ready at 11. Thus, I was supposed to do two ad sets: putting up all of one set once, then immediately going back and putting up the other set. It said we’d get more payroll for that.

“That’s ridiculous,” I said. More payroll is all well and good, but I can’t stay up until 4 AM on the whim of some assholes at corporate. I kind of have shit to do. Frankly, the fact that I stay late most nights at ad set is me being way nicer and more dedicated to the job than I need to be.
“What’s the plan?” my boss said.
“I don’t know. The signs they’re talking about are printing right now,” I said. And they were. I had already confirmed it.
“What does that mean? You’re sure?” my boss said.
“I’ll take care of it,” I said.

I took the memo, and I set it down on my desk, and I went back to work.
The problem the memo was talking about was a few signs that would give errors when you were trying to print them. Based on reports and my own experience in the store, there were approximately 30 or so signs that were not working in this way. 30 signs. Out of about 4000 that we put up. They wanted us to spend an extra 3 hours for 30 signs. We were already understaffed: I was already at work until 2 just getting it done the NORMAL way.

Basically, I got really pissed. Maybe it’s the whole “not having a job soon” thing, but I wasn’t about to put up with this bullshit. So I didn’t! I told everyone to ignore those errors, and just get the job done as if they didn’t exist. That was me taking care of it. Maybe I’m the best boss, or maybe I’m the worst. Your call. But goddamn, sometimes I really hate my employer for being so fucking STUPID. I’m tired and cranky and it’s all their fault for not doing their job properly, and fuck them. Again, I appreciate and quite like most of the people I work with. But the organization itself is just… gah. GAH. Gah.

Gah.

Who wants some rambles? Too bad, you’re getting them anyway.

I am proud to announce that there are only two horrible vitamins left in the bottle. In a little over a week, I will be free of them once and for all. But seriously, I really should have just thrown them away a long time ago, but I couldn’t bring myself to. They still did whatever, you know, vitamins do. Give vitaminness. But they are of the most ridiculous nearly-square shape. They are near-impossible to swallow without choking. Seriously, did nobody even attempt to swallow these pills before they put them on the market? It’s ridiculous. I have to break them in half just to have a chance, and even then, I end up choking half the time. I bought the generic equivalent of the same vitamin, and they’re of a sane shape that you can swallow, no problem. Ugh. I’ll be glad to have them out of my life. Because this is a serious concern to be having.

Jonathan and Shauna came over, and they asked about Aesa, and if I’m going to tell my parents that we’re more than just friends. So I guess they probably read this sometimes? Hi! Anyway, they were totally cool about the whole thing, though worried about me getting in yet another fight with my parents over stuff. I told them basically what I had been saying: I’m probably not going to tell them, unless I have to in order to keep him from being excluded from family shit, as he’s a part of the family as far as I’m concerned. But yeah, nice to know they’re still on my side about how non-standard my life sometimes is. I could not ask for a better brother and sister-in-law, seriously.

I did so much work last week, for serious. I graded like crazy, and I was pretty exhausted for it. But it was all work it, really. It occurred to me how little one has to do once they’re actually working on it, as opposed to when they’re dreading it. I had a ton to do, don’t get me wrong, but I polished it off and got it all done in a very reasonable length of time, and now I’m in a much better position. Granted, there’s still more to do, there always is, but at least I’m caught up and I can breathe a little. Well, just a tiny bit, anyway.

Also, I’m really super embarrassed about it, but the tooth I had all that work done on broke while eating a crunchy slice of pizza this weekend and basically fell out. So now I don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s not visible when I talk or anything, so it could be worse, but fuck. I feel like an idiot. Was there something I could have done? People say probably not, and these things happen, and I should stop driving myself crazy feeling like shit about this. I was brushing and doing all the teeth upkeep things a person should do. And I mean, I am getting old. Older people have teeth problems. Older people don’t have all their teeth. But just… bleh. I’ll get it fixed as best one can this week. Maybe get a partial denture. I don’t know. We’ll see. Just… keep it under your hat, okay, internet? Feel like such a failure…

I’ll be back tomorrow with more BLOGGING. Ta da!