The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

I feel like I’m always writing about moments nowadays when I talk about this sort of stupid stuff. It’s never shitty days, or weeks, or years. It’s just one moment where all of the sudden I’m shaken. I doubt like I used to. A moment where I want to fall apart. Sometimes I do. Often I don’t, because I can’t afford to.

It’s nice to be able to fall apart, though. I’ve been doing it in front of CJ lately. A thing leads to another in my head and then I’m back to my old self, my depressed self, who basically can’t accept that nice things are happening to her. It’s stupid. It’s frustrating. It makes me cry and hide and generally want to smack myself. But he listens and has understood, which just… it’s nice. I mean, I’ve fallen apart in front of Brer before. He’s had stupid phone calls aplenty. He’s seen me fucked up too. But in person, it’s just… I’m way more vulnerable. I can’t hide. I can’t get out of the situation. Online, I can just step away. Even on the phone, I can just hang up. But there I am, a stupid fool, and I can’t get away… and it’s okay. He’s still there. I always worry that if anyone knows about my little episodes, they won’t want to be around me anymore. They won’t want to be here. I’ll stop being a positive influence. But it doesn’t work like that. I let it out, and I can move on. Bottling it up is bad shit… I’m glad I don’t have to.

Still, those are big moments. Those are big deals. The little stuff is just as upsetting, perhaps, but I have to just move on from it and keep going.
An example: Mike, a man I worked with long ago, stopped by Kohl’s. He greets me by my old name. I panic. There’s just this wave of remembering. It’s a link back to how things used to be. It shook me.
I recovered real fast. I told him my name was Alexis now, and asked him how he was doing, and then got back to work. But just these stupid moments. Stupid moments.

I’m fine. I’m great. It’s just unfortunate when I stumble. It bothers me to some extent. It shouldn’t be like that.
But oh well. I’ll get the worries out, on this blog or with those I trust or whatnot, and move on. Things will keep being cool. Cool? Cool.

I have puppy dorg. He lay down. Cute dorg.
Here’s what puppy dorg say: “I found lots of eggs. With peanut butter. I’m the best dog. Not like those other dorgs. Other dorgs dumb. I best dorg. How dumb can other dorgs be? They walk right by the eggs. I’m the best dorg.”
CJ: ” I think you should no longer post that. Writing from the first person perspective of your dog is a bad idea. The worst idea.”
Okay, I won’t post it then, no worries.

Oh, right, it’s Easter. We went over and had a pretty good dinner and stuff and it was all very nice! My mother, being my mother, decided that she had to have an Easter Egg Hunt for the dogs, I guess because she doesn’t have any grandkids yet or something. She got a bunch of plastic eggs, and lined the insides with peanut butter, and had my dad hide them outside before letting the dogs loose on the whole thing. The dogs, in general, did not do a very good job finding the eggs! Molly figured it out quick, because Mom always does stuff like this for her, and Q got one or two, but Skillet and Flapjack were, for the most part, clueless on how the game worked. They just ran around, happy we were all outside with them. I guess they had fun though, so, success?

This week is a week of evaluation. There’s a big audit of the stupid-as-shit new work process at Kohl’s this Monday, and my boss, who I haven’t met in person yet, is coming to visit the satellite campus this Tuesday, and will probably be sitting in on my class, at least for a little bit. PRESSURE?! I dunno. I’m not really that nervous, though I do need to do some extra prep for Tuesday. I’m sure I will be when my boss walks into my class Tuesday. Lots of pressure then. I do a great job. I’m not worried about that. But I just, you know, want to make a good impression. I suppose I should probably dress up that day too, now that I think about it.
This sort of stuff is just part of the job, but I dunno. You go it alone teaching for so long, it’s weird to suddenly have someone looking over your shoulder, even if just for a class, or part of a class. It feels like a lack of trust. In reality, that’s not really it. It’s kind of the opposite: once a semester you get checked on. That’s a lot of trust, especially in me, who hasn’t done this for them before. You know?

I just realized that Ty’s should be open for the summer season now. OH SHIT. Gotta get me some snowcones! I always forget, and it always frustrates me, because it’s so good, you know? I should be hitting them up so often! But normally I forget until like a week before they close and never get to enjoy it. NOT THIS YEAR. Not this year. I swear it.

Anyway, something interesting tomorrow, maybe. Happy Bunny Day!

I am getting SO MUCH WORK DONE TODAY! No time to write something creative! Here’s some links! Gotta work work work!

Average Woona Adventures were pretty fun!

I’LL DESTROY HER!

Are we 100% sure why Spike is The Chort?

Get me pictures of that Spiderman!

Have you tried Really Advanced Search? Or this new Google Maps?

Let’s go bowling.

Robots: Sexy.

Apples!

And finally, buying this is always the solution.

See you tomorrow!

I am all super exhausted by today’s ADVENTURES which totally occurred. So I think I’m just going to describe them and then head to bed for today’s blog. Is that cool? We cool? Okay.

Anyway, CJ (that’s Aesa, so we’re clear) and I went to St. Louis. This was because I had an appointment but no work after, so we figured we could do something fun. We went early, and set out and drove, and it was pretty nice. We stopped in Festus, bought some picnic supplies, and then picked a whole nic. It was the first of many being outdoors moments that would pepper the day, for better or worse.

The plan was to go to the art museum. Little did we know that the art museum is not open on Mondays! I will never get to see all of this art museum, it seems, as I always go when it is closed or about to close or something like that. Oh well. We decided to go to the super-disappointing Science Center instead, because we enjoy disappointment. I spent the whole time there complaining about how much it sucks now. CJ couldn’t really disagree as it was not that great. Oh well.

We then left for my appointment, but we were still early, so we ducked in the mall because dammit, I felt like I was going to get SOME sort of Street Pass. But it was for nothing.

My appointment was fine. I talked about sex, and about the stuff I talked about a few days ago. It was still all awkward, but at least I got it out there, I guess.

Then I had picked out a restaurant, because this is apparently my job? So I wanted to go to The Old Spaghetti Factory. I hadn’t been there in years and years, but I remembered great things. I didn’t know if it would hold up, but of course I talked it up big. I talk everything up big. Anyway, we got there while it was still early, and we wanted to wait a little to eat, so we decided to walk to the nearby Jefferson Expansion Memorial. The little museum in there was much nicer put together than the sad state of the Science Center currently. We didn’t really do much else than just sit in there for awhile and take in the ambiance, though. I think CJ took a picture of me. How embarrassing.

Anyway, we ate at The Old Spaghetti Factory after that, which was pretty good. Not great? But their location is still pretty awesome. Then we walked back to my car, which CJ and I began to freak out about because we thought it was towed. It wasn’t. We got home without any issues.

It was a lot of fun, really, overall. It’s just nice to have someone to do these sorts of things with, who makes me laugh and smile. And it’ll be even better once the wuff gets here to join us. We’re constantly scouting out stuff to do with Brer in tow. Life is pretty awesome.

Nobody in St. Louis Street Passed with me, though. The fuckers.

RAPID FYAAAAAAAAAA!
Okay, never doing that again.

We have this new process at work that is going to add like an hour to every single shift, and it just flat-out pisses me off. Everybody has to carry this printout with all these prices on it. When we come to specific signs listed on this printout, which we will have to check on every single sign, basically, to know of, we must determine whether it needs a special topper or not by comparing prices to the list. All this could be displayed on the fucking COMPUTERS we carry with us and gives us sign information. They could SAY this stuff right on there. Why the hell are we having to do this? I don’t know. It’s extra frustrating because they keep shorting me on crew on top of it all. More to do with less people? Excellent. That’s what I want to be doing. Damn, I want to get out of this job.

I learned yesterday that I have 2/3rds of all possible Skylanders. I really don’t know how this happened. I didn’t try to buy like… every one. Just the ones that were cool, and also having one of each element… and then I got the 3DS game and I wanted a whole new set of cool ones of each type… and then they had all the adventure packs for sale at sane prices… well, uh… anyway, I own most of the Skylanders now. I will probably end up owning every single Fire Skylander before it’s over, too, because I know I will probably eventually grab the last Adventure Pack with Sunfire in it. Goodness. Well, at least I won’t need to buy any Skylanders when Giants comes out! (Ha ha, sure, like I’m not going to buy all the new ones, too.)

When I’m grading my student essays for my “students who need help” writing class, I always wonder if I should be easier on them. I can understand their essays. Maybe I shouldn’t be taking off points for not having a good point or not making it relevant to an audience. But then I think about what this class is supposed to do. This is supposed to prepare them for more classes. Without a basic understanding of these things, they are never going to pass College Writing, and never make good papers for classes. I have to push them in that area. I have to force them to learn this stuff they didn’t learn in school, even if it ends up with them feeling I grade really hard. Hopefully, in the end, the results will speak for themselves.

Anyway, lots of work to do. Best get back to it. Have a good day, everyone.

You’re getting links today. Sorry! I’ve kind of ended up taking the day off. Well, sort of. I still work all day. But I’m not taking on any more work! So here’s some nice links for your clicking pleasure.

The most important question: What would Molydeux?

It’s animated gif corner! We have only the finest of gifs that have been animated for your pleasure.
How about this gif?
Not the anime type? Well, how about this one?
Too many words? Perhaps this one is more your style.
Not a fan of the bomb squad since they sold out. Then try this gif.
All the gifs! We have all the gifs here at animated gif corner.

I feel like this one is pretty accurate.

You need videos? We have videos.
This may be the best glitch of all time. A massive improvement on the game.
Here’s a video of pure joy to get your day started.
Have you ever wanted someone to walk you through the complicated rules of the games kids play? There is now a video series that does just that. Please watch both videos, and they are both amazing.

See you tomorrow! At some point I’ll finish the dumb half-article I’ve been plinking away at, and you’ll see it.

I’m still kind of sick. Did you know? I’ve been really sick.

Last night I wasn’t feeling great, but I had heard horror stories about what happened the night before when I wasn’t there. Kathy had stayed with them, apparently, and done a lot of pestering, rushing, and so forth. This basically made the shift suck for everyone involved, and they were there very late. I decided I’d call in and check on the situation before I said I wasn’t coming. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. If it was going to be a nightmare, I could probably push and make it in for my team.

I call, and it’s like the worst-case scenario. The only person there, and the one that would have to stay, was Deedee. I’ve talked about my general issues with Deedee before, and I won’t go over them again. Our conversation went like this.
“Hi, Deedee. I am still feel pretty bleh, but better than yesterday. I just wasn’t sure if I should play it safe or call in tonight. I don’t want to push myself and make myself sick again, but I don’t want to leave you all hanging.”
“Well, things go terribly without you around. They were here really late last night.”
“Yeah, I heard. But I couldn’t do it last night. Barely in consideration tonight.”
“I’m the only one here to stay, and I know nothing about it. Chris is here, but he’s not you.”
“Yeah, though he knows his stuff.”
“I’m not going to tell you to come in. But I don’t want to be here until 2 in the morning.”
“I don’t either. I’ll get sicker.”
“Well, I mean, it’s up to you. But you’re needed.”
At this point, it feels clear to me that she doesn’t give a shit about my well-being either way, she just doesn’t want to stay. I see the night ahead for my team.
“I’ll come in. But if I feel bad, I’m just going to leave, and the floor will have to finish in the morning, okay?”
“Awesome. And I’ll call in everyone early so you can get done.”

I get to work, and she hadn’t done that, by the way. Didn’t even try to call anyone.

Anyway, I felt like shit and barely got anything done. But we actually did get all of the ad done as a team before it got too late, even with me working at maybe 40%. (I spent a decent portion of the night laying down in the break room recovering.) My team is pretty awesome. However, I felt kind of sad we weren’t going to leave them extra work. Then someone said “We should leave them a stack of fake signs!”

So I did.

I took a few printouts, and put them on top of a big stack of blank paper, and left it on the desk.

They didn’t call me this morning complaining, so hopefully they could take a joke.

Anyway, I really hate this job more and more. I wish I could leave it but take everyone awesome I work with with me to wherever I go next so I wouldn’t feel so conflicted about wanting to leave.

I’ve been sick as fuck yesterday and today. That’s why there wasn’t a post.

After spending all of both days basically sleeping (and being taken care of by a very nice Aesa), I feel almost alive again. I haven’t been so completely ill in quite some time. My fever never got TOO high, but I couldn’t get out of bed, and so on.

Anyway, hopefully I will be close to 100% tomorrow. Then I can write some sort of bullshit for you.

Until then, though, have a good day.

Okay, so remember when I complained about work awhile back? That shit has continued. Every night since there has been some other completely ridiculous and stupid issue going on. Either we’ve got too few people, or too many people, or only half of the store has signs to put up, or all the information is filled with typos and is incorrect… it’s been ridiculous. What the fuck is going on at corporate? I assume someone, who was competent and about to lose their job because of the same reason I am, left for a job that wasn’t going away, and now we have the C team trying to do all this work and having no fucking idea what they’re doing. Anyway, it’s frustrating to have to deal with. Luckily, I’ve kind of sort of stopped giving a shit all together about work there, so that does help a bit. But goodness.

So here’s a text conversation I had with my mother yesterday. We were figuring out when everyone could go out to eat for my birthday, and then we have this conversation.
“CJ is more than welcome to come to this, you know.”
“I’m glad, I was planning on bringing him.”
“He’s part of the family now.”
“It makes me incredibly happy to hear that, Mom.”
Did she figure out that we’re, uh, a thing? Or is she just awesome? I dunno nor care. I just know it’s fucking awesome and I’m glad she “gets it” on some level. That really reduces a lot of stupid worry on my part.

I feel like I’m slowly but surely starting to get used to this whole “I am not the only person in a bed” thing. It’s strange, but nice. I’ve had a decently big bed to myself my whole life, and I’m used to sprawling. Having someone else there requires different strategies. However, I’ve kind of found that I tend to fall asleep faster employing those strategies. I don’t know why. I suppose that’s a good thing.
Still, what happens is I wake up in the middle of the night, and toss and or turn, and then realize I’m not alone and I’m going to wake someone up, and then freak out, and then smack my hand on the bedside table, and freak out about that, and then I’m wide awake. Which is really stupid and not conducive to a complete night’s sleep. Heh, I’ll get over myself at some point.
At least Q seems to have adapted well. He’s gotten used to having to curl up between us at the foot of the bed instead of getting to sprawl out all over like me. He’s stopped being all kind of half growl-y at Aesa getting in bed and invading me and his space. That’s nice.

Wow, why was this blog so hard to write? I am a failure at writing today. It must be the MAXIMUM IDES we are right in the middle of.

I’m just going to talk about some more stuff about Aesa moving in. Sorry. It’s what is on my mind.

It’s strange to be treated like a woman in a relationship constantly.

I don’t mean that people don’t respect me and shit in my life otherwise. For the most part, people are awesome. But I also have a history with them, of course, which does play into our interactions. Frankly, I wouldn’t have it any other way: I didn’t leave here for a reason. I don’t want to burn those bridges to the past. There was a lot of depression in my past, but a lot of awesome shit too. No reason for it to go away.

But being around someone who has always thought of me as a woman and whom I am so close to is just… interesting. The dynamic is so different. I mean, it’s been different with other people too. It’s not like I didn’t feel like a woman around Brer. It’s just I’ve always, for the most part, been a tomboyish force in that relationship and some of the “stuff” I am seeing now just isn’t his style. He’s not a super-emotional guy on the outside. He doesn’t believe in tradition for tradition’s sake. All that is part of who he is, and why I love him, and I feel super comfortable and happy around him.

Aesa, though, is kind of a classic romantic. He brought me chocolates on Valentine’s. He showed up to the house with flowers. He wants to drive me everywhere (Brer did this too, but that didn’t trigger this because that just made practical sense: he knew the area and I didn’t). He orders for me at restaurants. He insists on paying for everything.
It’s… nice! It’s nice. It’s a blush-inducing change of pace. Not necessarily better. But it’s nice. It just really throws me off. I’ve been used to doing things like paying and taking charge in this stuff all my life. None of that felt like I was doing the wrong thing or something. I never really felt like I was being forced to play a role I didn’t fit into with that stuff (unlike other things in my life). Now I’m in this situation where I feel almost in competition about it. I’m having a polite dating etiquette war. It’s just weird.

It’s not just that stuff either. I don’t know. Here is a moment from the other day. I asked Aesa what he was watching. He said it was a movie that was really violent, and thus probably not my sort of thing. This statement kind of confused me until I realized that he’s saying it’s a guy movie, and that was kind of the first time someone had put up a barrier because “it’s a male thing” in reference to me.

It’s interesting times for me, I guess is what I’m saying. It’s taken more time to get my head around than I thought it would. But if worrying about how I’m interpreting this stuff is the biggest thing on my mind right now, I’d say life is going pretty fucking wonderful.