The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

I’m back home. Well, okay, by the time you read this, I will have been for a little while, but I’m just now back home when I wrote this. Sometimes time-shifting my bloeg posts gets weird. Anyway, trip over.

This morning, I got up, and packed, and prepared to go to the last day of the conference. I realized I didn’t really want to, though. Still, I might as well, I thought. I was there, and I didn’t want to let people down, so I headed over.

In the middle of the first of the two sessions of that day, I realized there was nobody to let down. Most of the people HAD fled that day, and it was unlikely I was going to see any of these people again or, if I did, that they would remember who I was.
So I skipped the last session and drove home.

The whole trip in general just felt kind of meh. It was only partially interesting and mostly boring, with no guidance. I never really knew what to do, so I saw a movie, and went to eat a big, long meal, and walked around in a mall, and when faced with the prospect of doing more of it, I decided I’d rather go home, relax, and play more Modern Warfare 2. Maybe.
I suppose it was my fault for thinking this was going to be a fun time, a little escape, and not work. Nothing about it wasn’t going to be work. It was all about things I am working to do FOR work. But with it not being framed exactly that way, I couldn’t take it as such. It was just dull.

In the end, I suppose I’m glad I went. It’s good to present these things. Makes me look professional. But man, it’s going to be that much harder to convince myself to submit next time. It really is. Maybe if I had been in a conference somewhere more interesting, it would have been more fun? I don’t know.
I really don’t know.
But at least it’s over.

The conference happened! Well, the Saturday happened, and it was… okay? I guess?

My main problem was that when I think “conference” I think, like… PAX. GenCon. Which this was never going to be. Not at all. So I was expecting a lot of people, or at least a decent number, but instead I mostly just got a small, sort of dedicated group of about 30 or so. Which is fine. I’m mostly here for a notch on my Vita (because the scholarly world can’t use the word resume!) and to get the experience, but even knowing I should temper my expectations, it’s kind of overwhelming.

I mean, it’s not a good sign when, during the first session, yours gets cancelled and combined with another because simply that many presenters didn’t show up. Why you would present a paper and then not call ahead and show up is beyond me. Why you would be someone who goes to school AT THE UNIVERSITY and show up late is also beyond me, but both those things happened, and it was kind of strange.

Anyway, my presentation went fine. I had, if I can brag, certainly more presentational polish about me than the other speakers in my session, and my ideas seemed to go over well enough, as people came up and talked to me about them afterwards somewhat. So that’s good, I suppose. I did have someone call out that I should read such and such book during the question and answer, which I wasn’t sure if I should interpret as an insult or not. Was he saying I didn’t do my research? But no, it soon became clear that trading sources is just what is done. Or at least was what everyone was doing. I paid it no mind.

As the day went on, though, the big guns started coming out. I heard this most excellent paper on Harry Potter and political activism which was just… really well thought-out. Better than Harry Potter actually deserves. (Reminds me of something else I need to talk about, but stay tuned for a future bloeg on that.) The keynote speaker was also excellent. I have not seen a man that got such a strong physical and emotional charge just by talking about Shakespeare before. He had some things to say I’d not thought about either, which was neat.

In any case, it went… okay? I really don’t know if it was worth all the trouble to come out here, but I suppose I gave it a shot. Gotta try things. That’s the only way anything will ever move forward. Sometimes I’m lucky, and sometimes I’m not. Maybe this trip was a little of both. I don’t know.

Anyway, I’m going to go eat at Olive Garden because I DESERVE IT and then sleep. I… kind of doubt the trip back will have any stories worth telling, so I wouldn’t expect a part 3! But who knows, maybe I’ll make up some shit just to fill another day anyway. Because I am completely committed to writing some stupid bullshit every single day. Yep.

Hello! I’m writing you from Arkansas, where the hotels don’t believe every room should include a pen and notepad! What a crazy world I am in right now.
Getting here, however, didn’t really pose too many problems. For the navigation to the hotel, the TomTom worked like a dream. I had absolutely no issues coming here, only stopping to grab some BeeK for a moment, which the TomTom did not seem to appreciate. I’m sorry, GPS, but I am not a robot! I sometimes must feed.

The GPS worked significantly less effectively finding my nightly entertainment, however, I looked up movie times on internet, and I tried to program the address of the biggest theatre (I wanted to get into, I dunno, something resembling a city) into the TomTom. It said my address didn’t exist, but here’s a place near where that would be. Foolishly, I trusted, and I spend close to 2 fucking hours trying to find this phantom movie theatre before I finally decided to Google Maps it on my phone, of all things, and found it quickly. I made it barely in time to get in before the previews ended, but not early enough to get something to eat, so I kind of wasted money on popcorn instead of dinner, so healthy of me.
Still, the movie was good. Not Fantastic Mr. Fox, unfortunately, as this apparently isn’t “selected theaters,” but I did see Where the Wild Things Are, a good movie that I need more time to percolate on before I write up. So I’ll do that tonight, or something.

Anyway, I best get going. I’m writing this the morning before my presentation, and I want to give myself plenty of time to get lost as hell again. More, ah, “adventures” as they develop! Away!

I guess I should write all this out, just so it’s written out. Just to examine it. We’ll return to normal stupid blogging shortly. Maybe it’ll be about Modern Warfare 2! Nobody is writing about that, right?

It’s been awhile, but on last Tuesday, I had a little bit of a breakdown. It wasn’t long, because I had things to do that required me to, you know, keep face, but it certainly rippled from there.

So Tuesday night is the night of the writing workshop. I wrote a story called “Transitional Conflict.” You can guess the kind of subject matter with a title like that, I’m sure. Anyway, I though the story turned out pretty well, if I was a bit minimal, and I was really interested in finding out what everyone had to say.
We get to my story, and it suddenly becomes so awkward in the room. Probably not to anyone but me. But I couldn’t look at anyone. Everyone was close to who my main character was, but also so far off, and it sort of pained me to hear them talk about it. I mean, from a writer’s perspective, it was useful. This was great feedback. But it just really bothered me.

As I walked to the car afterwards, I found myself getting really angry, and fairly upset that people couldn’t understand that character. I also quickly became mad at myself for not being able to express my own issues in this character. If I couldn’t even use all my writing talents to get across this struggle, and make it clear who this person is without just having them knock people over the head with it, what chance did I have of making that happen in real life? What were the chances of me being able to just be me?
Soon, this mixed with frustration that I was letting feedback on writing get to me emotionally. Sure, it was an emotionally charged story, but dammit, I’m a fucking professional. Whatever I need up doing, at this point, it seems pretty clear it will involve writing in some way. I’m more professional than to cry about how my story was misinterpreted, even though, admittedly, it wasn’t just that.

I eventually broke down, and I made a phone call that went badly, and I eventually just bottled it up as I normally do and got back to work.
It’s just been a long time since I got so upset about these sorts of things. I suppose that’s a good sign. I’m doing better, of course. But it’s not solved, and I know that. I’ve not found a solution. I just… I feel like I have my life together, and something like this happens, and then I feel like I’ve done nothing, accomplished nothing… what have I been working for, you know?
And sometimes, I just honestly don’t know.

By the time you read this (Well, okay, as long as you’re reading this after, say, 11 AM) I will be on my way to beautiful (I assume) Arkadelphia, Arkansas to present my silly paper at the 2009 Arkansas Conference on Literature, Rhetoric, and Composition. This is like… a professional event and shit. It is the exciting times.

Honestly, I’m kind of excited about it. Mostly because I haven’t like… taken a trip in forever in general. Granted, I’m not going to the most amazing place, but it already feels like a breath of fresh air when I’m writing this and I haven’t even left yet. It is all kind of silly, though, as it might even border on boring. I’m going to be sitting about listening to people read papers! Maybe they’ll be interesting. I hope so. But it’s mostly going to be a few nights by myself having nothing to do and days listening to papers. I’ll have to find things to do! I already plan on seeing Fantastic Mr. Fox while I’m down there, (and I would expect me to write a review of it on here while I’m bored) but otherwise, I dunno. Are there interesting things to do around Little Rock? I’ve no idea.

But yeah, that’s what I’m doing this weekend! Woo! Expect updates about it! Or maybe I’ll be having such an INTENSE time I won’t write anything about it until afterwards! YOU NEVER KNOW!

Yeah, I probably will write about it, though. You know. Probably.

The air conditioner in the computer room is a bug magnet. Somehow they manage to crawl through the fucking thing and get in here from time to time. About a week ago, a wasp, of all things, got in here. It wasn’t attacking me or anything. It was just flitting between the two light fixtures and doing its thing. It was a wasp, so I didn’t want to mess with it. I figured it would just die in a day or two.

I was wrong.

I mean, I would have just kept ignoring it, except it made the most annoying buzz. So finally, I decided I was done playing around, and I was going to get rid of the wasp. I grabbed a tissue and approached. It was flying, and I snatched it right out of the air and threw it away! I was kind of proud of myself.

A few minutes later, it was flying around again. I was being too lame! I didn’t really get it!

Pulling on all of my Maya the Bee knowledge from my youth, I figured that if I could get it wet when I caught it, it would be immobilized somewhat, and I wouldn’t have this issue again. So I went and got a Lysol Disinfectant Wipe and pulled the same trick again. I grabbed it in the wipe.

Then it stung me.

I dunno if it hurt more because of the disinfectant or what, but it was completely unpleasant, and I was then on a rampage. I stomped downstairs and asked if there was a flyswatter. Apparently Molly had destroyed the flyswatter. But my dad was ready to fight, making me feel all girly or something. He came up and pulled the same trick as I did… only he was standing on top of a stool, making me worry about him falling onto my computer. He crushed the bug like CRAZY inside the tissue, and thus put an end to it.

FOR NOW.

DUN DUN DUN.

I showed one of my poems to Airek, one of my fellow TA’s. It was part of my book of poetry project and was sort of by a character that was kind of very angry and very sexual, but the poem went well, and he thought so too! But he said it reminded him of another poet, and he was going to show it to me. Shockingly (which I say not because I don’t trust him or something, but because I know that I would forget that book for weeks if I offered to let someone borrow it), he remembered to bring it within a day or two, and handed it to me to read. I’m not through it yet, even though it’s a little book of poetry. Maybe I’ll write it up when I’m done. But reading it so far has just been a kind of weird experience.

Airek is apparently a note-taker. There are notes of his scribbled all over every page of this book, and honestly, it’s pretty damn neat. It’s cool to be able to see all kinds of ideas for interpretations in the margins and such. I can read a poem, and I have a whole different reading of it right there on the page, and I can sit there and go “no, I don’t really think he’s got it” or “Yeah, totally” or “I didn’t even notice that.” It’s just amazingly interesting, and so far it’s really made the experience of reading the thing so much more entertaining.

I don’t know. I could never take notes like that. I’d feel like I was messing up the book. Hell, I can’t even bend the covers of paperback books without being frustrated. So I’m not about to write all over a book of mine. (and at the same time, I am probably not going to own enough books of poetry that I’d want to do that to anyway, heh.) But it’s just kind of neat to have that guided tour. Like he really wants me to get what he saw in it. It reminds me of a personal essay I read once (I can’t remember details, sorry) about how a person wanted the old, beat-up rental textbooks because then they could see the history of all the people who had taken the class and scribbled notes, and it made them feel like they were a part of something, or that they were peering into a hidden past. It’s kind of like that here, and I can’t say I’ve ever really felt it. When my textbooks have scribbles, it’s normally just a random thing or two highlighted. Airek was really copious with his note-taking. There isn’t a page without multiple things on it. I’m really feeling it.
And now I shared that feeling.
Yeah.

So I was watching the third season of 30 Rock that Essner lent me on DVD (he was totally right, it totally picks back up and is hilarious once you get past the first few episodes) and I had to stop. So I took the DVD out of the 360, which I was using to watch it. A day and one long Beatles: Rock Band session later, I sit down to watch the rest of it. I pop the disc back in… and it starts exactly where I stopped it.

It was magic.

I was so impressed I tweeted that shit. And then I get a flood of replies that tell me that basically all DVD players ever nowadays do this.
Guess this says how much I watch DVDs.
Still, it was really neat. It doesn’t seem useful for, say, movies, but for a TV show disc you’ve Play-All’d, that shit is perfect. It’s nice to know I can count on such features in the future.

Maybe I’m impressed by too little. Who knows.

So the other day, instead of getting my work done, I banged out some poems. These were more poems from my Presidents of the United States of America poetry project, which started as poems about one album, then turned into a small Chapbook, and has now become, in my mind, a full-blown book of poetry called “Repeater/Deleter : A Two-Sided Love Affair of Dominance and Submission”. So I wrote some more of them. Then I thought about what I’m actually doing.

Is this a project worth continuing? Is this something I want to bring to fruition? And if it is, is it something that should be my, I dunno, thesis? If I’m going to create an entire book of poetry anyway, it does make sense to double dip. Less stress, etc. At the same time, while I think I’m a fairly decent poet most of the time, I feel like I’m probably stronger writing fiction and things of that nature. Full-blown prose. Or at least Microprose. Uh, I mean, Microfiction. Anyway, if that’s what I’m better at, then that should probably be what my thesis is, right? As that will follow me in later academic endeavors, and I’ll want my best foot forward.

I so don’t have this whole Master’s degree Academic Track thing planned. I’m just going with the flow. Sometimes I come upon questions like this, and I worry. But I should just keep going. Keep flowing. What I should really do is, probably, show most of these poems to someone, like Karen, and see if she thinks they’re worth pursuing.

Or I could just go get more of my classwork done. That would work, too.

MU HOO HA HA HA HALLOWED WEEN! SPOOKY, SCARY!

But yeah, happy candy day, everybody. Get lots of Smarties. Those are totally the best. But not the Canadian kind that are just M&Ms? The real, American style kind. Yeah.
I guess you can get other kinds of candy if you prefer, but you’re probably doing it wrong.