The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

I played two rounds of Disc Golf after having done the first day of “no more sodas” and so I got home and I immediately fell asleep in my computer chair. Now it’s like “Oh shit, better write one of them bloegs!”
Yeah, this means I’m throwing a bunch of links at you. Then I am going to sleep. I’ve heard good things about sleep.

Ponies, motherfucker. Ponies.

SEXISM IS OVER! (I cannot stop laughing at the gif at the end of this.)

Important information about terrorism here.

Pantskat.

After reading this blog, you should go pop some pengs, more than likely.

Shadows of the Damned is a damn fine game, and honestly, it confuses me that it’s gotten so little press. Here you have one of the kings of ridiculous Japanese bullshit, Suda 51, joining forces with the guy who made Resident Evil 4 to create a Suda 51 game that is as silly and awesome as Suda does, but is actually fairly enjoyable to play. And they did it. That’s exactly what Shadows of the Damned is.

It’s also a game where your main weapon is called the Boner, which upgrades into the Hot Boner, which you then use to shoot a “sticky Hot Boner payload.” So, you know, there’s that.

Basically, you’ve got the main character, Garcia Fucking Hotspur. (Yes, his middle name is “Fucking.”) He’s a demon hunter, and he’s off doing his thing, but unfortunately all his demon hunting pisses off Fleming, the main underworld dude. So he kidnaps Garcia’s hot girlfriend, and Garcia has to go to Hell to save her and shoot like a million dudes.

The game basically controls like an improved RE4 or 5. You can shoot while moving, but it really doesn’t affect combat THAT much, as you can’t aim worth shit while you’re aiming and moving so it’s to your benefit to stand still. You get three weapons, a pistol (the Boner I was speaking of), a machine gun (the Teether), and a shotgun (the Skullcussioner). They upgrade themselves throughout the game, with the Teether eventually becoming The Dentist and having homing shots, and the Skullcussioner becoming the Skullblaster and letting you shoot a gigantic grenade skull, but those are basically your weapons. But that’s okay. Those are basically the weapons you’d be using in a game like this anyway! Plus, you still have some upgrade fun with the red gems you get, which you can use to upgrade each weapon how you see fit, so the game isn’t completely devoid of getting better weaponry.

Really, though, the game is sold by the tone the game sets. It makes terrible, terrible dick jokes all the way through, but not only do you believe these are the sorts of people who would be making such terrible jokes but you also feel like they’re just incredibly appropriate for running through this version of hell. Everyone isn’t spouting out jokes. You totally believe in them saying what they’re saying. It’s awesome that way.
The reason you buy it is because the voice actors for Garcia and Johnson, the talking skull who becomes all your weaponry, are both fantastic. They sell every fucking ridiculous line. Listening to them is the key joy of the game. There are even these children’s storybooks about the origins the bosses, and they read them out loud to each other, and comment on them. There’s no action during these. They’re just reading. But it says so much about both characters and they’re so entertaining, you don’t even care that you’re listening to a storybook. (And if you do care, they are completely optional.) Seriously, hearing Garcia chuckle at the parts where people get killed, because that’s the funny part, is completely accurate to his character and grin-inducing.

There are some parts of the game involving the damaging darkness mechanic that get a bit annoying, sure. I’m also really annoyed at the achievements. There are achievements for getting certain numbers of kills with each version of each gun, but in the beginning, they’re all pretty awful, and it makes sense to stick with the Boner. Since you can’t downgrade them, you’re just shit out of luck. It also doesn’t do the thing where it gives you the lower difficulty achievements for beating it on higher settings, so while I beat it on Normal, I’d have to beat it again on Easy to get that achievement. None of these are a good reason to keep yourself from playing a fun and funny game. It’s entertaining and kept a smile on my face the whole time. Suda deserves your money for his brand of crazy. If you like RE4 and penises at all, you should give this a go.

I got in the breastforms I ordered.

Now, when I was initially doing research for these, I got so depressed and angry. I even wrote this post. I just knew they were going to make me feel like a freak, like a fake, and generally make me feel worse. Still, I ordered them, so I’d have the option if I needed it. Then they came in, and I put them on.

Fuck, was I wrong.

I could look at myself in the mirror. I can never look in the mirror. My body looked right for once. It was real close. I was still a bit of a mess, because I just kind of am in general, but I looked like me. I looked like me.

They basically made me feel so good that, the next morning, as I was waiting about the house and wearing them, I didn’t want to take them off. But I was going out, so I should, right? I mean, surely I should.

It was then I remembered Avandra. She always says that “Fortune favors the bold.” She’s right. If I don’t go for it, I’ll never get it.

So, you know, I left wearing them, did all my stuff, came home. Later, I went to work wearing them. Fuck it, why not, right? Fortune favors the bold. Today, everyone invited me out to lunch, and while I gave them all warning, I wore them. Fuck it. I went shopping, I filled my prescription, I was wearing them.

I’m still getting sir’d instead of ma’am’d, but I’m wearing really androgynous clothing, so I’m not too surprised. More important, though, I don’t feel like a freak walking around. I feel like me.

Today, I finally filled my prescription. I’m on hormones. Things are happening. Things are getting better. I am more me than I ever have been, and fuck, it feels good. I am gentle, but bold, as my current title on Talking Time says. I am making shit happen. Hi world, I’m Alexis Long, and I am here.

I’m here.

I’m going to see Ok Go in concert on the 4th, apparently! So I thought I should listen to their newest album, because I still haven’t.

I was kind of disappointed.

It really seemed like they were going back to what they did with their first, self-titled album. Which is cool, I suppose, but I also don’t like most of that album. Oh No was filled with tons of seriously ROKKIN’ tracks, and Of The Blue Colour Of The Sky just doesn’t have a lot of those.

Except White Knuckles, which I have listened to constantly. (For the record, I also like WTF?)

Not only is it just an exciting piece of music (with a cute as shit music video) but the lyrics also just seems to really fit my current situation. I mean, check this shit out.

“And you can’t go back, the way you came. Round all the pieces up, but they just don’t fit the same. White knuckles. Maybe it’s not so bad.”
“So just have fun, it’s far enough. Everybody needs to sleep at night, everybody needs a crutch. But couldn’t good, be good enough? Cause nothin’ ever doesn’t change but nothin’ changes much.”

I don’t know. I like a good rocking song, but lyrics? I’m a fucking poet. Lyrics speak to me. This may not be the super-deepest song in the world, but when I’m trying to both turn my world upside down and not lose anything from how my life was before? Well, this kind of shit is important to keep in mind. Nothing ever doesn’t change, but nothing changes much. Quite a nice little line.

Anyway, I’ll just listen to White Knuckles a few hundred more times. You all have a fun day.

Oh fuck, Tiny Tower.

Tiny Tower came out, and I have been playing this bullshit NONSTOP. It’s so fantastic, and free, and you should get it.

Basically, Tiny Tower is Sim Tower meets Farmville. That makes it sound not great, but it’s better than that.

I’ve never played Farmville, but here’s what I know as the bad parts of Farmville: it constantly hassles your Facebook friends, and if you don’t constantly check in, you not only don’t gain benefits, but lose the work you’ve done. To be efficient, you have to pay money, as well. Lots of money.

Tiny Tower doesn’t do that.

The only real interaction with your friends is that you can look at their towers and compare them. That’s cool, and no hassle involved. While you do gain benefits by constantly checking in and restocking your businesses, if you let it set for an hour, a day, a week, you don’t lose the progress you’ve made. What you’ve stocked doesn’t go “bad.” You just aren’t slowly accumulating wealth. When you come back and play again, nothing will be fucked up. Also, there are plenty of ways in-game to earn “Tower Bux,” which is the for-pay currency. It makes it so you can’t do every single thing without paying, but if you prioritize, you can do some of the stuff you’d like. It makes it so the game is fun without paying money, which is really a flaw of a lot of these sorts of social games that I’ve seen.

Really, though, the game has a lot of style. It has a pixel aesthetic that works, and isn’t just used for nostalgia’s sake. It’s exciting to see what crazy new businesses you’re going to open, as you don’t get to choose. You just pick between 5 areas: Food, Retail, Service, Creative, and Recreation, and the game builds you one at random. You may get a bar, if you build a Food place, or you may get a Frozen Yogurt shop.
You can earn extra Tower Bux and get bonuses if you put the various “Bitzens” into their dream jobs, as well, though you have to build apartment floors for them to stay in so they can work in your building too. They all have stats relating to the five different types of businesses: put more skilled people into jobs they like, and they restock and sell product faster, so you can build more floors, so you can build more businesses, so you can make more money to build more floors, and so on.

It’s addicting seeing your little empire build up, and after you get going, there’s very little maintenance, just a few button presses here and there, with sporadic decision-making moments of who to employ where and what to build next. You are constantly checking in, if you want things to build quickly, but you don’t have to.

I love it. It crashes whenever I open the game outside of wifi, because it can’t connect to Game Center, but other than that? Awesome. Way better than their previous game, Pocket Frogs, and Pocket Frogs is pretty sweet. If you don’t hate this sort of game in general, at least give this one a try. It’s a fun time. Also, add me and let me see your tower. I’m poetfox. I have a paintball course on like floor 16.

Today was kind of okay, and then I had a shitty session, and then I just got so fucking frustrated that I made phone calls I regret and threw Frisbees for like an hour and a half alone out of anger, and then I came home and didn’t do my homework… yeah.

Moody Bullshit.

But hey, just look at all these tabs I have open. So many tabs! Enjoy some tabs. Of videos.

This is a pretty crazy good card trick, I must admit, even if the audio is fucked up in this recording.
Yes, this video has ponies, but I just found the song humorous. I might be easy to entertain.
What’s cooler than a dog? Dog on a skateboard. Skateboarding dog.
You’ve probably seen it by now, but if you haven’t? Meet the Medic. Yep.
Because I am such a goodie-two-shoes, I enjoyed this video of FemShep, the only true Shepard, being a bitch.
Solve the mystery. Let a play.

Bye!

Words with Friends was all like “We have a new game called Hanging with Friends!” And I’m like, “Words with Friends people, I dislike that Zynga bought you, but you’re still like, one of if not the best multiplayer game on iOS. I will try your game.”

So I did.
It’s kind of a buggy mess.

The game itself is solid design. It uses the same asynchronous multiplayer sort of style that makes Words with Friends so fun. Basically, you’re playing Hangman that way. Only, if course, people aren’t being hanged. They’re holding balloons that pop. But still. Basically, you draw a bunch of Words with Friends tiles, and build a word. Your score for the word goes into a meter that fills up. When you fill it up, you earn 20 coins! In any case, you then send your word off. Your friend gets the word, and tries to guess it, Hangman style, with number of guesses based on the size of the word, (More letters equals less guesses) with the last vowel in the word always automatically revealed. If they fail, they lose a balloon. If they win, they don’t. Either way, they send you a word. It keeps going back and forth until someone loses all 5 balloons.

For each round, you get 3 hints you can use. “Suspects” highlights four letters, one of which must be in the word. This is by far the most useful. “Extinguisher” labels 4 letters that aren’t in the word for you. This rarely hits the letters you are thinking of picking, and tends to not be useful. “Revive” essentially gives you one extra guess, as it “undoes” one wrong guess. You get one free use of these a round, but can “buy” additional uses for 20 coins.

Buying those uses is the one thing that seems a bit silly, though. It just seems like it would be worth your time to play a lot of games with randoms that you aren’t trying to win to build up coins to win the games you care about. Of course, this will be mitigated once they get the coin store in the game, where I assume you’ll be able to trade all these coins I’ve been stockpiling for little avatar things and whatnot. That’s what I hope anyway. I don’t get the coin thing.

The real problem with the game, though, is how glitchy it is. There are serious bugs in the game as it is. You press buttons, and nothing happens. You ask the game to show you what another player does, and stuff just doesn’t show up on the screen. It’s even stuff like your little avatars showing the “happy” expression when something bad happens. It’s really silly. I mean, clearly, they’ll patch it at some point, but it’s on the verge of unplayable at the moment, which is a shame.

Eventually, this game will be great. Hangman is a much more even playing field game. It’s fun regardless of skill level, whereas I can see some people being turned off to being utterly crushed in Scrabble, as I am over and over with some people I play Words with Friends with. Still, it’s got a free version. It may be worth your time to try. But maybe wait until they patch it once.

I’ve got eggs in a basket.

I feel like, in a lot of ways, I am being pulled two ways. On one hand, I should be prepared. I should move forward and continue my life in a smart, intelligent manner. A lot of that should involve casting a wide net. Reaching out. Making sure things fall into place appropriately. I should be searching to find my own way, you know? Self-reliance, all that shit.

I don’t really want that, though.

Most of what I want involves other people, and involves other people falling into place and following along with the plan. Mostly Brer, yes, but many other friends and family too. Places of employment. All that shit. All of it needs to fall into place and occur. This is what I want.

Recently, I’ve had so much shit happen because of depending on other people. Assuming other people will do simple shit like picking up letters when they are sent them, and so on, and so forth. There’s a terror I have learned in waiting for someone to do something so important to you. The month (oh fucking gods, it was a month) of waiting for Dr. Friedman to write less than a page of text was terrifying. There was nothing I could do to speed the process up. I was powerless. My life was in her hands. It sucked.

But okay, so, I’ve always been a trusting individual, you know? I look for the best in people, because people deserve the best from me. People are awesome, and deserve respect. Unless it’s clear they don’t want my respect, I give it. I trust. But as I get older, the stuff being risked keeps increasing in scope, and I keep having to trust “professionals” to get my shit done. Sometimes this works out, and sometimes it does not. It’s slowly becoming more and more terrifying, to be sure.

In any case, I guess the point I’m trying to make is that I’m banking my future on trusting people. I’m setting myself up for potential failure where, if I just pulled myself inside myself and bunkered down, I wouldn’t have to risk anything. I’m sure I could spin a life together that mitigated risk quite completely. But that’s not what I want. I want family, and romance, and the life I want. That life involves people.

Maybe I’m too nice. Maybe you have to fight for what you want and make people bleed in order to be happy. Maybe you have to rip and tear. Maybe being polite and friendly and dependable and professional aren’t the ways to get what you want out of life. Maybe it needs something else. Mistakes get made unless you accept no mistakes, right? Something like that?

Something like that.

I am doing a really bad job at saying I’m worried that I’m getting too attached to my get this bit of employment, get Brer here in December, move out and turn my life into the life I want plan. But I don’t know how to work towards that plan without getting attached to it. I don’t know how to move the plan forward without investing in it. If I didn’t invest in it, why would I be doing it? You know?

This is probably the kind of thoughts people have every day, don’t they? I am probably so boring. I want to be boring. I want the house and the dominant husband and the pet submissive wife and some pets and some video games and a job I can go to every day and come home and have that be enough.
So much of that is people, though.
Gotta depend on people.

Cole had this party celebrating the day of his birth, but I didn’t go. Reason one was because I had to work. Reason two was because it was taking place at a location described in the invitation as “Bro Air.” Anyway, so the day after, he invites me to go see Green Lantern, so of course I say sure. Cause, you know, birthday.

Green Lantern is not a very good film.

Basically, the movie kind of has one of the main problems with the Transformers movies: you’re watching amazing action, but it’s nonsensical. In Transformers, one CG metal blob is fighting another CG metal blob. They all look the same because of the terrible art direction. There’s no real way to tell what’s going on. Similarly, in Green Lantern, you’ve got Green Blobs being shot at Yellow Blobs. This is not interesting to watch.
Even if you found that interesting to watch, there’s maybe, what, 3 fight scenes in the whole movie? Okay, four, but one of them is a training montage. Sadly, this training montage is, by far, the most interesting combat in the film to watch. People are manifesting all kinds of crazy shit and attacking each other! This is what Green Lantern is all about! But when it comes to fight the big bad, it’s mostly just firing green blobs of energy at him, while he fires yellow lasers. Ho hum.

Outside of these situations, you have a lot of stuff that doesn’t work. Van Wilder plays Green Lantern, and he’s a dude, certainly. He tries to be charming and funny. He’s trying his best! He’s given nothing to work with, though. His character is flat, and his supporting cast is one-dimensional. What’s worse, the movie wastes so much time attempting to establish this scientist man as a likable figure, before turning him into a bad guy who does things that make no sense. So that’s fantastic. Green Lantern needs a villain to fight, but he has an amorphous blob of questionable motivation and a mutated scientist who is turning into a grotesque Professor X, and who had motivations, but basically completely forgets them after meeting Green Lantern. Awesome.

I also saw it in 3D. Every time I see a 3D movie, I wish I hadn’t. This is no exception.

This movie is attempting to be comedic and badass, and really kind of fails at both. It’s really just going through the motions. I will admit this movie taught me more about Green Lantern’s backstory than I knew before. So I guess that is indeed something. But yeah, this isn’t a movie to see. Don’t see this movie. Surely there’s something better out there to watch.

I’ve been thinking about why I write all this stuff on here. Ever since I linked it up to my twitter, way more people I care about have been reading my blog. Which is fine, and totally cool. Cool on you for actually taking an interest in my stupidity, person reading this. Yet for the past two days, things of depression have been the norm, and man, as much as I super-appreciate everyone who sent kind words of support (Again, you’re all much too nice to me. Thank you.) I don’t want to be a person who’s all whine whine for attention. Is that what I’m coming off as? I don’t know.

Anyway, all that going around in my head, I’ve been reading tons of manifestos on how education should be for a class, and I had the idea of writing down what the purpose of this blog is. So that’s what this is. Here we go.

1. This blog is me.
This website has been my internet home forever and ever. It’s where I’ve done stuff, and it’s got a place in my heart for that. I mean, come on: I own poetfox.com, and yet I still use this silly name. I love it. It’s always been my home on the internet, and as far as I’m concerned, will continue to be. It’s personal. As such, I’m just writing about what interests me, or has some relationship to me. I’m hoping people can read it, and enjoy it, but it’s very me-focused writing. It’s not going to be the sort of thing I shop around to put into magazines or something, and that’s fine. It’s just me. Here I am.

2. This blog is a diary.
Way back, when I started blogging first on OpenDiary, it was to write about my emotions. I bottled things up too much. I wouldn’t let myself feel depressed or angry or anything, because I “shouldn’t feel that way,” and then later it would all explode and I’d fall apart. So I started writing about it, as an outlet. Eventually I started throwing in little story snippets and all sorts of shit. Then I bought this domain, and after a brief time of it being something all my friends wrote stupid shit for, I just kind of took it over, and moved what I was doing on OpenDiary to here. It’s still that sort of stuff, even today. That’s why there are things like all those depressed angry rants. It’s always going to be a diary. I suppose that’s the nice thing about me posting daily, though. If it’s some moody bullshit you don’t want to read, just come back tomorrow. Not like I’ll mind in the least. Plus, I find it fascinating to do research through my old blogs. “I really thought that?” It’s amazing, at least for me.

3. This blog is a writing exercise and confidence-builder.
The moment I realized I could schedule posts, I started writing here every day, as an exercise to keep me writing something daily. I don’t claim what I write here is high art, or impressive journalism, or anything. It’s a diary, after all. But it keeps me writing, like a writer. I do some writing every day. At this point, that’s important to me. I fell asleep without blogging a few weeks ago, and when I woke up, I freaked out. It’s part of what makes me feel useful and part of the world. Even if all I put up is a bunch of links, I’ve accomplished something. I’ve kept the biggest project I ever undertook going. I plan to continue to do that for as long as I’m around to do it.

I guess that’s why I do this thing. So, you know, expect all that! I try to keep these categories working so you can only see my recent game posts and shit if you’re into that. The “reviews” are the more “things other people might want to browse” of what I write, though they’re still really personal and subjective, so, you know. But yeah. Blogs. Blogtastic Blogfest. This is what I’m doing. It continues on.