The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

Cole had this party celebrating the day of his birth, but I didn’t go. Reason one was because I had to work. Reason two was because it was taking place at a location described in the invitation as “Bro Air.” Anyway, so the day after, he invites me to go see Green Lantern, so of course I say sure. Cause, you know, birthday.

Green Lantern is not a very good film.

Basically, the movie kind of has one of the main problems with the Transformers movies: you’re watching amazing action, but it’s nonsensical. In Transformers, one CG metal blob is fighting another CG metal blob. They all look the same because of the terrible art direction. There’s no real way to tell what’s going on. Similarly, in Green Lantern, you’ve got Green Blobs being shot at Yellow Blobs. This is not interesting to watch.
Even if you found that interesting to watch, there’s maybe, what, 3 fight scenes in the whole movie? Okay, four, but one of them is a training montage. Sadly, this training montage is, by far, the most interesting combat in the film to watch. People are manifesting all kinds of crazy shit and attacking each other! This is what Green Lantern is all about! But when it comes to fight the big bad, it’s mostly just firing green blobs of energy at him, while he fires yellow lasers. Ho hum.

Outside of these situations, you have a lot of stuff that doesn’t work. Van Wilder plays Green Lantern, and he’s a dude, certainly. He tries to be charming and funny. He’s trying his best! He’s given nothing to work with, though. His character is flat, and his supporting cast is one-dimensional. What’s worse, the movie wastes so much time attempting to establish this scientist man as a likable figure, before turning him into a bad guy who does things that make no sense. So that’s fantastic. Green Lantern needs a villain to fight, but he has an amorphous blob of questionable motivation and a mutated scientist who is turning into a grotesque Professor X, and who had motivations, but basically completely forgets them after meeting Green Lantern. Awesome.

I also saw it in 3D. Every time I see a 3D movie, I wish I hadn’t. This is no exception.

This movie is attempting to be comedic and badass, and really kind of fails at both. It’s really just going through the motions. I will admit this movie taught me more about Green Lantern’s backstory than I knew before. So I guess that is indeed something. But yeah, this isn’t a movie to see. Don’t see this movie. Surely there’s something better out there to watch.