February 21, 2012

This Is A Short Post About Being Lonely

Today I had this amazing moment where I’m like “WOAH, I was thinking about this housing problem all wrong! The solution is so stupid simple!” so now I know how to move Aesa into the house without issues! Although it still requires some remodeling and building, though nothing as insane as my original plans. So that was cool!

But then I was back to just being alone in my house.

I have been so overwhelmingly lonely. It makes me feel amazingly and stupidly lame. I have so many wonderful people in my life. SO MANY WONDERFUL PEOPLE IN MY LIFE. But I never see them. My schedule sucks, and it’s never in sync with anyone. I rarely do anything social. I talk to my boyfriends and online friends all the time, and that’s nice. I wouldn’t give that shit up. Never, never. But let’s face it. It’s not the same. It’s a good substitute, but I can only run on that for so long before I want something more substantial to supplement it. And when you had this wonderful time with one of those people in real life and see how much better that is, it’s just… ugh.

Just feeling like that feels so defeatist. I am being pretty darn successful at life. I should be able to plan things, and make things happen, right? I should be able to make all this work. Right? Probably? I’m not doing a great job at it, though.

Ugh. Going to sleep. Going to try not to worry about it.

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