July 6, 2011
“Facts” are ruining this essay.
I spent a lot of today writing my final paper for my final grad school class. (I also spent a lot of today fighting with my parents over me wearing a bra, like I had been for the last week, but them just noticing! So that was exciting. But let’s not deal with that right now. I really don’t want to rant about that.) Basically, it was a really shitty situation! It was frustrating! I was frustrated.
I can write papers like nobody’s business, to be sure. Hell, it had been my job for awhile to teach people how to do just that. I like to think I’m good at it. But there was certainly a time when I hated doing it, and that was when I was letting the sources do the talking for me, instead of talking myself. It was always so painful to have to gather all the sources, and try to come up with a way to make them not sound like shit while having no control over what’s being said. I hated it. Then, I learned the secret of fun paper writing is to have control over what you say. Suddenly, papers were fun again! Well, as fun as homework can be, anyway.
This assignment basically has me stating an opinion, but I really need to back it up with tons and tons of facts and research. Now, I’ve done sources and shit in papers before, sure. But they work so much differently in a literary paper. I know the tricks to get around what sources I have and still say what I want to say. Things are more flexible. That’s what drew me to such papers in the first place. But here I’m arguing for a better educational system, sort of. This is the sort of thing that I certainly would want facts behind, if I were reading an article. Yet, I am just not knowledgeable enough to know where such facts would be located in this field. I’m finding stuff, but it’s not quite the right stuff. It’s like I’m back as an undergrad, not knowing how to work sources and bend them to my will, and banging my head against the desk in frustration that I don’t have ownership over what I’m writing.
I’ll get it done. I’ll move on. It’s my last paper! I’ll do it. But there’s no doubt that there’s some frustration involved in the whole process. Best get some sleep so I can bang out a finish to it tomorrow.