January 10, 2009
So bad, it was unbelievable.
So, Essner wanted to watch Hamlet 2. Now, I didn’t think the movie was going to be good. I mean, it never really seemed promising. It didn’t have anyone in it I really think could do the solid idea justice. But surely it would provide a few laughs, and maybe I’d be surprised and it would be good, right?
Oh.
My.
Fucking.
God.
I can’t remember the last time I watched a movie this horrible. The entire movie focused completely on B plots that went nowhere, had nothing to do with the premise, and weren’t the least bit interesting. Do I care that the main character is sterile? FUCK NO. Do I care that he has relationship problems? FUCK NO. The entire time you’re watching the movie, you are asking yourself, “Why the fuck is this scene here?” There is no answer to this.
All these pointless subplots could be saved if the movie would actually employ humor. There were two funny lines in the entire movie. TWO. The rest seemed to assume that naked men and the word “fuck” are funny. I mean, set up appropriately, both CAN be funny. But there was no setup. That’s all they did. Oh look, this character said the word “fuck” really loud. Hilarious.
So little of the film was about the play “Hamlet 2” which, I may remind you, is the funny idea the movie was supposedly based on. And when it does finally get to the point where we see the play, it’s nothing but a series of bad musical numbers. And not bad in a “oh god, that’s so bad! It’s hilarious!” but just… overwhelmingly mediocre. It sounds like a bunch of high school students with a big budget doing these scenes. It’s not funny, it’s high school theater with fucks.
What the fuck happened with this film? How could it go so completely wrong? How could nobody see how horrible an idea it was NOT to focus on the funny idea that the movie was about? How could nobody see that it was stupid NOT to add humor? Even bad humor would have been appreciated.
Essner described the movie as “a Disney Channel Made For TV Movie that has fucks for some reason.” That perfectly describes this film.
Ugh. I still can’t get the taste out of my mouth, even now…