January 26, 2011
I Buy Things
I think it’s silly that one of my auto-responses to being depressed and stressed is to buy things, especially when a factor of said stress is potentially monetary. I could make more smart decisions, like relying more on Gamefly or finishing games I really wanted to finish but never did, like P3P. Instead, I buy limited edition copies of Marvel Vs Capcom 3. I am simply excellent like that.
I mean, I know why I do things like this. It’s because most of the time, my depression stems from a perceived lack of control. I lack the control necessary to correct people’s views of who I am. I lack the control necessary to make everything not pile on me at once. I lack the control necessary to make people not break from how I perceive things to go. Of course, things like that last one are not powers I’d particularly actually use, but being unable to affect a situation, or convincing myself as such, is a core issue that makes me depressed.
Purchasing things, and bringing more things into my life, well, that I have control of. What I eat I also have control of. It’s proving I can affect the world around me in a silly attempt to feel better. So I buy an extra game I don’t need, or I buy a book I may never read. It’s a stupid coping mechanism, though, thankfully, cheap downloadable games have honestly given me a better outlet for these urges, most of the time.
Then again, my overall goal is to get more stable so this stuff doesn’t crop up, oh, every week.
Sure have amassed a nice collection of toys, though.