March 4, 2010
Useless post about how stressed I am.
My TA friends were nice, and invited me to go work on homework with them this evening.
I turned them down.
The idea of leaving the house filled me with dread. I was supposed to relax this evening, but already I was drawn to a family dinner and seeing my brother’s new house. I already had to commute up to St. Louis. I already had to do a lot of things. None of these things are things that I hate. I wanted to do all of them.
But what I really, really wanted to do was relax.
I wanted to sit down and beat my game. I wanted to snuggle and unwind. I wanted to not be running constantly, and not have to worry about doing anything in particular.
I turned them down, and went back to my game, but I can’t concentrate on it. I feel like I have failed by not going to get my work done. I can’t relax and play any more. I can’t ever relax. I have so, so much to do. I have so many nice people in my life, but they want things from me, and I’m already stretched thin. I have so much I need to handle and take care of.
So much.
Fuck this.
I should not feel like this.
Fuck this.
…guess I best get to bed so I can do it all again tomorrow.