July 12, 2012


Hi, blog! Man, it’s cool I update you so often, isn’t it?

I have been playing a ton of Blacklight: Retribution.

I don’t really know why. I mean, it’s a really well-made game. Pretty polished, besides them not being ready for their servers to be slammed when they added the game to Steam. You’ve got lots of weapon options and weird little gadgets you can equip if you’re into that, but the basic setup you start with it really all you need to have a good time, at least at the lower levels. It’s one of the best Free to Play games I’ve played since, I dunno, League of Legends? Actually, maybe Super Monday Night Combat.

But I’m just like… addicted to it. The moment to moment gameplay is pretty well just straight from Call of Duty, though there are big robots you can summon sometimes. It’s polished, but it is nothing special. But I guess it’s just been a long time since I played a straight-up shooter like this? I keep feeling cravings to listen to podcasts and play a few rounds, and I keep trying to figure out if I’m doing it just because it’s there, or because I actually think it’s really good.

I certainly have some issues with it. Unlocking ANYTHING takes an insane amount of time. Normally, this wouldn’t bother me. I’m happy to put money into Free to Play games I enjoy to say “Keep doing what you’re doing.” I mean, Steam says I’ve played this game for 7 goddamn hours so far, longer than many single player console games. But the costs associated with unlocking items permanently with real money is insane too. For 10 dollars I should get a full, complete gun, not just a fucking scope I can equip on some weapons. For 10 dollars, I should have most if not all of a particular build, you know? That’s the kind of pricing I’m used to, you know? Even when I played Super Monday Night Combat, I got the build I wanted, Combat Girl, for like 4 real world dollars. If I could put 10 bucks into the game and buy a neat gun I know I’d use every time, I probably would. Hell, if I want the little medic gun to revive people, that’s 10 bucks on its own, and I still wouldn’t have a real weapon. Plus, that’s the “level 1” medic injector thing. Later I’m sure I’d have to buy an upgraded one that would be even more money. I am not down with that.

However, man, the game is just real fun, even if you don’t pay for that stuff. I want to heal people, I want to have a burst fire rifle that’s more my style, but I’m playing with what they give me and renting weapons now and again and I am having a ton of fun, so I guess it’s hard to totally complain. I’d totally suggest it to anybody who wants to shoot a dude. Just play Domination, okay? Or at least another objective mode. Deathmatch is boring and frustrating. Everyone knows this.

July 2, 2012

Thoughts About The Prologue To The Witcher 2

Note that I never played The Witcher so I’m mostly coming into this knowing only what other people have randomly said about that game and this one.
Good stuff:

1. I like that the game does not come up with a really really stupid reason that Geralt does not have his skills from the end of Witcher 1. We get it. You have to have a level up system to make the game interesting. I appreciate them not trying to come up with some stupid thought process behind that.

2. I like that it feels like Geralt and Triss have an actual relationship, and aren’t just fuckbuddies. When I first saw her all naked and shit I’m like “Damn, there’s all that sex and collecting sex cards this game is about!” But by the end of the Prologue, I really felt like they were a couple with an active sex life, which is something I can 100% get behind.

3. I like that the game doesn’t beat you over the head with recap and instead expects you to be a smart person who can put two and two together. For all I know, the whole flashback at the beginning of the game was from the last game. I dunno if that’s new stuff or not. But I didn’t feel like the game took a ton of time rehashing things Geralt should already know, and I feel like I have a decent grasp of the world already. That’s how you do it right.

The Weird Stuff:

1. The sound in this game is fucked up. The voice acting is good, but when I walk into a building with a small candle, and it sounds like a roaring inferno in there, something is wrong. It was also weird when I was using a wooden club and it was making sword sounds.

2. Geralt loses his silver sword in the flashback, but suddenly has it back. The Witcher’s Silver Sword has to be something pretty rare or at least uncommon. It’s not like people would normally make a sword out of silver. How does he fucking just have a new one like… immediately? Did he have a spare somewhere stashed that Triss brought him? How did that happen? I highly doubt he got his sword back from that dragon.

Anyway, I’m impressed with the game so far. I’m going to keep playing. I mean, I dunno. Color me a horrible doubter, but even though Brian has told me how great this series is constantly, I assumed it was one of those “great” things that only he would like. It’s pretty darn accessible and interesting so far. I hope it keeps up.

June 29, 2012

I Want Animal Crossing 3DS To Not Be Shit.

So here’s a thing I was going to write about back when it was relevant but didn’t. I’m going to do it anyway, though. Neat.

Nintendo kinda went “Yeah, okay, we’re making Animal Crossing on 3DS, and it’s going to use Streetpasses!”

Man, I hope they don’t fuck this up.

Look, I enjoy Animal Crossing. I am pointlessly entertaining writing letters to fake people. I played the Gamecube version so much! But like so many Nintendo properties, they never change it. If they want me to buy this, it’s got to change, and just adding Street Passing isn’t going to do it. I mean, I love Street Passes, even though I can never pull them off. The game should totally have cool Street Pass functionality. But that’s lame, if that’s the only thing. Seriously, look at how lame the online functionality of, say, City Folk was. It was PRETTY LAME. (Or so I heard. Nothing about that game vaguely made me want to buy it!) I need more if they want my money. Swapnote is neat, and proves Nintendo could make some COOL SHIT. Animal Crossing should be full of that.

Animal Crossing needs to go INSANE with Spotpass. I need to be able to write letters to my friends, AND to my friend’s town’s citizens. I need to be able to draw pictures to send to people. (Maybe on different stationary?) I need to be able to hang it on my walls. I need to have citizens from other towns come on vacation to my town and talk to me, and then they go back and tell my friend all about meeting me. I need to be able to make a photo album or something in my town that I can share with people or leave there like a little storybook for visitors. I know, probably, letting people visit my town while I’m away is impossible, but there are so many other things they could put in here. Maybe some group project for the “National” museum that you and all your friends work towards?

I mean, I’m just throwing stuff out here. I know it’s all easier said than done. But the thing is, Nintendo is smart enough to do all this stuff, or stuff that’s even better. They should make it happen. All this, and maybe the ability to digitally download the game and have it always on my 3DS to check in on every once and awhile, would make it a fantastic experience that I would WANT to get back into. I want to be excited about Animal Crossing. But the way Nintendo just rehashes shit and won’t take risks just… well, it’s kept me from playing Pokemon for a long time, and goddamn do I love me some Pokemon. But I can’t handle a Pokemon or a Zelda anymore because they are just too much the same fucking thing. I kind of don’t want that to happen to Animal Crossing for some reason. It has such potential.

June 16, 2012

Appropriately, CJ Cleaned Up The House For The Game, Gaining Favor.

We finally got to play Maid. Like, finally. Well, okay, I finally got to play Maid, and I dragged CJ, Brian, Jonathan, and Kenny with me.

Damn, we had a good time.

I basically created a scenario, like one does when they GM. A crazy inventor lady has a house with maids. Because her company is running out of money, they desperately need an influx of investor capital, so she’s asked to show off the new invention she’s made… which she hasn’t started on yet by the time the game starts. So the maids had to prepare for the inventors coming, but also keep her on track and working.

Brian didn’t want to play, and then I strong-armed him a little, and the played, and had a great time. His maid was a zombie lady who was in a metallic “maid uniform.” Brian called her Dreadnaught-chan. Because, you know. Warhammer. CJ’s maid was a religious fanatic who got his way by being more annoying than people could stand and waiting patiently until they gave in as he tried to change the subject to the word of God. Kenny’s maid was a neat freak who was about the worst at making small talk. Jonathan’s maid was the Princess of Cheese apparently? Also, she could teleport.

Anyway, they didn’t really backstab or anything, but they sure did love to make some crazy schemes! They did all kinds of dumb things to try to cover for their Mistress’… flaws, shall we say? They ordered tons of stuff on the company credit card, fabricated “impressive” crates, and did their best to keep their Mistress from getting back on the MMO she’s been playing recently and keep working.

I think it went quite well, overall. They were mostly basically successful, everyone seemed to have a good time, and nobody really thought it was too creepy! Only mostly creepy. Then again, nobody really tried to seduce anyone, and that’s where it gets creepy. But oh well. Who needs creepy, amirite? Probably?

I don’t know if/when I’ll get to get them to try it again, but it was a pretty great night.

June 11, 2012

Miniblog: Medieval Moves: Deadmund’s Quest Demo

All dumb-ass blog, in a light, easy to digest size! It’s miniblogs.

I played the demo of Medieval Moves: Deadmund’s Quest. You may remember this game from this worst gameplay demo in the world that was very mocked. You watch this, and man, does this game look stupid.

Then I fucked around with it in a Best Buy in St. Louis and had a lot of fun. Luckily, I was not filmed: CJ’s phone was charging in the car. However, it really had fun with it. I was kind of fucking shocked. I was flailing like an idiot at first and laughing at how stupid it was. But soon I found myself really quite engaged with the bow gameplay. Shooting people with the bow in Medieval Moves feels really cool. It just feels unlike most shooting in a video game, at least with two Move controllers. The calibration was a little off in the demo, probably partially because CJ messed with the camera a bit after I started calibrating, and the other part being I was a bit too far away from the screen, but the bow stuff was still really fun. When the enemies got close, it took like two seconds to aim a perfect sword slash at them. I was honestly shocked that it felt good.

Maybe it wouldn’t hold up for a whole game, but I played that demo for, honestly, quite a long time. I was totally engaged. It’s a pretty decent little game. Who knew?

June 10, 2012

Glug Light Comes In Cans Which You Tip To Pour The Beer Straight Into Your Mouth.

Are you hip? Cool? Have one of them newfangled “Facesbook” accounts that all the kids can’t stop going on about?

Then you better fucking play some You Don’t Know Jack. Seriously.

You know I can’t get enough Jack. This is true enough that I will log on to the goddamn Facebook just to play this. It’s a fantastic game and it continues to be enjoyable in this Facebook version.

Here’s the benefits of the Facebook version: you get to play asynchronously with your friends. The game serves you up games based on what your friends have seen, so you always have a rolling leaderboard to go against, or are setting one for your friends. Therefore, you have some of that competition you get playing the main game, if you enjoy that. The questions are just as well-written, and just as awesome as in previous versions of Jack. You’ve got Cookie back, and he’s great. Most of the question categories from the 360 game show up here with new questions, but you also get to see the triumphant return of the Gibberish Question, and the appearance of my clearly most favorite question type ever, “Elephant, Mustard, Teddy Roosevelt, or Dracula?” where you are tasked with saying if a thing is an Elephant, a type of Mustard, Teddy Roosevelt, or Dracula. The ads are as funny and fun as ever.

It is all microtransactioned to shit, though. You can only play one game a day unless you play. This isn’t a big deal for me: I’m glad to come back once a day for Jack. But it is kind of annoying. You can also buy “score enhancers” to discreetly increase your winnings, which is stupid. Still, I can’t blame Jellyvision for trying to make a buck. If it means I get more Jack, they can do whatever the fuck they want.

Anyway, dust off some Facebook account you forgot you have and play some Jack and enjoy your goddamn day. I’ll see you later.

June 6, 2012

Here’s that Nintendo Press Conference Ramble You Knew Was Coming.

Nintendo! Amirite?

I want Paper Mario Sticker Whatever very badly. I want Luigi’s Mansion: Night Moon very badly.

The rest is pretty eh.

It’s funny to me how Nintendo is like “we’re supporting core gamers because we have a special edition of the Batman game you already played! So, you know! Also, a Zombie game! You still like those, right?” It’s just kind of sad, I guess. Nintendo, you are not going to be a “mainstream” console. I honestly don’t even know why you court getting these ports. You should be trying to convince developers that coming up with new IP for the platform and doing creative shit is a good idea. Point towards Rabbids or something as proof. You can do this. You’re never going to be generic shooter game console, though it’s cute when you were describing the controller and were like “and look, it has triggers, for the shootman games!” I chuckled.

But yeah, man, there is just nothing exciting on the WiiU. I mean, I guess that’s not really true. People like a Mario game. (I’m one of those horrible people who enjoy a Mario platformer game from time to time, but it sure isn’t a system seller to me. Have barely played any of 3D Land and whatnot, even though I can agree it’s great.) Pikmin 3 is honestly going to be FANTASTIC AND WHAT EVERYONE ALWAYS DREAMED OF! I am all about that. But seeing as I never really played much Pikmin, that isn’t a system seller for me either. So what do they have? Not really anything. It’s a shame.

Seriously, everything I got crazy excited about (listed above) was 3DS teasers that aren’t really going to be talked about until tonight (when I’ll be at work. Boooooooooo!). There wasn’t even a mention of Kirby and it’s his anniversary, isn’t it? Fuckers. Give me more Kirby. I will play all the Kirbys forever.

I also agree with the internet that ending with Nintendoland was stupid, even though many of those minigames look like a fun time. That Luigi’s Mansion game looks like a ton of fun with the right group. But again, that’s not going to sell you a console. None of that is Wii Sports Bowling.

I dunno! I dunno Nintendo. I believe in you. But I’ll just stick with my 3DS for now.

June 5, 2012

Here’s Me Rambling About The Sony Press Conference.

Man, I guess it just never occurs to me how few of Sony’s key brands I give a shit about until I watch this sort of thing and I’m like “Wow, I care about none of these.” I mean, I sure don’t give a shit about a new God of War that is exactly the same as every other God of War but has some shitty multiplayer? I believe I continue to be the only furry on the face of the planet who is not excited about a new Sly Cooper game, as well. Maybe I really do need to rent that Sly collection and try them. I dunno.

Anyway, I suppose that cross-play between Vita and PS3 is a nice feature. I think it’s kind of cool. If the Vita was anything I even vaguely wanted to own, I’d be down with that. Playing the Vita version against PS3 people. That’d be cool. Of course, is the PS4 going to support this? I kind of doubt it! The Vita will be very behind the times powerwise then!

I don’t know. I was really confused as to why they didn’t push the Vita in their presentation. They said several key games are coming to both, but why do I care if I already own a PS3, you know? I’ll just get that one if I want it. Isn’t the Vita a big deal? Supposed to be? I don’t know. I’ve yet to see a really good reason to buy one. I guess this exclusive Assassin’s Creed game is supposed to convince you. That’s awesome, but seeing as I really only jones for Assassin’s Creed multiplayer, that sure doesn’t convince me. Even their “exclusive” CODBLOPS game wasn’t even shown, which is really dumb of them.

The Last of Us was really the only vaguely interesting thing at the Sony presser. It was REALLY interesting, though, let’s be honest. I love everything about Uncharted except playing Uncharted, so I’m more than willing to jump on a new game with different gameplay by those guys. I could really get into that. I really could. I hope it lives up to potential.

Beyond: Two Souls also seems hilariously David Cage-like, and I’m sure I will play it and love it in a half ironic half not way, like I did Indigo Prophecy and Heavy Rain. Still, it’s weird that they spent so much time on it. It’s not really a big seller to people that aren’t, you know, me.

Wonderbook… man, they were proud of getting J. K. Rowling on board, weren’t they? Granted, if they sell the Wonderbook book with the Harry Potter game thing and a Move, they may sell a decent amount, but them even thinking this is going to be a big hit they can develop lots of little games for is kind of funny. The fact that the demo worked like shit and went on for like 10 hours didn’t help things either.

Anyway, Sony? You did alright. Nothing embarrassing, nothing bad… but nothing exciting, really. I wasn’t all thrilled and pumped about anything you showed. Apologies.

June 4, 2012

Here’s Me Rambling About Microsoft’s Press Conference.

Yeah, I’m going to ramble about the big three Electronic Three press conferences for a few days. Deal, yeah? I like this shit.

So yeah, that Microsoft press conference.

Man, I love my Xbox, but goodness. I can’t say I disagree with our whole IRC chat. Who was this press conference for again? It was really weird.
I mean, okay, they had the Halo 4 and the CODBLOPS2. Expected. I don’t really care that much, but I expected that. But really, what did they bring that was actually exciting to the table this year? I just don’t know.

Well, okay, here’s what I’m excited about. Rape talk be damned, I think the new Tomb Raider looks like something I want to play. It’s a bit over the top, sure, but it looks like the gameplay itself is going to be a good time. I also think the new Splinter Cell is looking fun enough. I enjoyed the angst-fest of the last game because it made me feel powerful, and this seems to be keeping everything like that to give me a stealth-based game I enjoy. I’m down with that. I’m also not going to complain about Dance Central 3. Someday I will play and love those games. (Although fuck, Usher dance forever, wow.) Stick of Truth also has a lot of potential and I hope they pull off making something I’d actually want to play.

That’s about it, I guess.

First off, who the fuck would ever, ever listen to music on their Xbox, much less purchase it there? Stuff like Spotify and Last.fm make a bit of sense on the system to put on during a party or something, but buying music is stupid. Why did they spend any time on that at all? The ridiculous pop-up-video tablet mode while watching stuff also seems like complete useless bullshit. I can get that on my tablet already. It’s called Wikipedia. You know?

Frankly, all the “Smart Glass” stuff worries me. If they really want people to use it, they actually have to put it on “all devices” like they’re saying, and not just Windows Phone and Tablets, but I will be shocked and amazed if any of that stuff works on my iPad anytime soon, or if it does, it’s probably going to have “reduced” features, you know? The fact that they made fun of this initiative in their own conference. (Well, Matt and Trey did) says something about how stupid it is, you know?

Sports is sports. Sure that’s cool for someone.

All the time they devoted to Nike + was insane. Once they actually showed the video, it literally looks like every single fitness game for the Kinect. What’s different about this? They didn’t tell us. Why did they show it, then?

Ascend was hilariously stupid-looking and the worst goddamn thing. The people making that game are going to be sorry they showed it with all the insults that are going to be thrown at that horrid trailer. Seriously, that guy’s armor! Holy shit!

I’m really excited for RE6, but that demo was terrible. It showed me no Resident Evil shooter gameplay. I need to know that’s intact. I got no indication of that. Shitty.

They kept showing so many games with “Kinect” built in, but they all just have voice controls, which I can’t use with my headset for no real reason. Awesome. That’s really showing the power of Kinect, you know?

Anyway, trainwreck? I don’t know. Honestly, it wasn’t THAT bad. Nothing went wrong. Nobody was overly embarrassing for the most part. It just wasn’t interesting. Nothing cool was really shown. I guess it could have been worse.

More E3 coming because I can’t get enough of this stuff. STAY TUNE.

June 3, 2012

I Am Glad I Still Got One Of The Typo Boxes.

I just beat Resident Evil: Revealaitons. Like, all of three seconds ago.

I really enjoyed it.

Let’s just get this out of the way up front, though. Everything that isn’t the action, and even some of the action, is so goddamn stupid that you will want to bang you head against a wall. The “plot” makes no sense at all, and how it’s trying to tie games together also makes no sense from what I know of RE canon (which isn’t a whole lot, I admit, but it doesn’t even match with what little I know from RE5). The ending would suggest it flows, in some way, right into the DLC for 5 that explains how Jill got all stupid Wesker robot, so that’s a thing, I guess? I don’t really know. There are no Revelations in this game. Or Revealaitons.

Seriously, every moment where they could have tried to actually inject any sort of drama into this story was undercut. Clearly Chris and Jill can’t die, as they’re in RE5 and this comes before that. So there’s no risk there. But they introduce so many other characters, some of them INSANELY STUPID, and they’re completely unwilling to kill ANY of them. Your partner dramatically falls into a pit of fire on an exploding ship and he SURVIVES FOR NO REASON, you know? Why is he not dead? It just makes me extra sure I don’t give a shit about anyone in this game.

However, the RE combat formula is just so fucking fun, I didn’t really care. I don’t really know how RE gets to this perfect setup where you’re limited in ammo, but have enough to blast everything, and even basic combat is tense due to the speed of it, but it’s still doing it. I even found it fun alone, as opposed to co-op like RE5 (though I’m totally forcing someone to co-op RE6 with me, don’t get me wrong). The gunplay is a blast. Seriously.

Even that, though, is undercut in some stupid ways. The scanner is a really dumb mechanic. Really dumb. The fact that this is on the 3DS means they put this on a ship filled with tiny corridors, which can make it difficult to have actually interesting combat scenarios sometimes. The game still pulls it off, but every time you’re stuck in a tiny hallway with an enemy, it made me sigh a little, because my options on how to deal with that enemy became so few.

The raid mode, which is this game’s answer to Mercenaries, is a lot of fun, to be honest. Well, it’s an okay amount of fun alone. You run through timed scenarios fighting boss enemies and leveling up and stuff. It’s weird in that you can find the same guns but with different stats, and there’s no real good way to telling that without slowly going and looking at every single gun in your inventory. It would be better if the guns just ranked up or something. “Oh, the shitty pistol is now shitty pistol level 2!” or something. It’s not a huge problem, though. In co-op, I think I would love this mode to death. Sadly, I don’t have anyone to co-op with, and randoms have long since stopped trying to get into Raid mode games. Oh well.

Anyway, yeah. It’s a fine game. I’d recommend it. It has a ton of problems, but for the most part, it’s exactly what it says it is: that RE combat on 3DS. If you like that, you’ll probably find something to enjoy here.