The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

Since why not, the night before the wedding I saw A Warrior’s Way.
Man, what a mis-represented movie.
You see stuff for this film, and it’s like, “Ninjas! Cowboys! Fighting! Special Effects!”
And then you get in and watch the film and it’s like, “Surreal visuals! Strange voice-overs! Rarely any fighting!”

Seriously, you come to a movie like that for badass swordplay, don’t you? But there isn’t one person in the entire film that Mr. Main Character doesn’t kill with one strike. None. Even the most important characters are dead immediately. The longest fight scene is between love interest and bad guy 1, and that’s kind of… a desperate fight, as opposed to cool badassery. It’s a bunch of people flailing around as opposed to a badass, choreographed scene.

Most of the movie was Mr. Main Character getting used to being a laundry man. He doesn’t smile, and people in this town take to him, and teach him how to have fun, and he takes care of a baby. It was so weird. There’s this cast of carnival characters and I guess we’re supposed to get to like them. Nobody was really very well developed, though. They were all stereotypes, living together. They didn’t really feel well developed. Granted, the Cowboy Villian, Bad Guy #1, was wonderfully creepy, so they did that right at least. But still, not really a full character.

The visuals, too… well, Essner described them as “Like Amilie” which is kind of accurate? Nothing was real at all. Every shot was really constructed and had a lot of CG in it. It certainly gave the film an interesting look, but without the rest of the stuff to back it up, it doesn’t seem completely worth it.

I don’t know. It was such a weird film, I’m unsure what to think of it. It wasn’t an offensive movie, but it was really strange, and nothing like it seemed like it was going to be. I can’t really recommend seeing it in theaters, but it was an experience, to be sure.

My brother’s getting married today, and that is top of cool. I could write about that, but the fact is, I already have written about it, in the speech I’m going to give. I think I’ll just share that here for posterity, as it really does show how I feel.

When I think back, really dig into my memories and try to pull up the earliest ones I can find, I think of two things. The first is getting a set of aviator wings on a flight to Disney World, which, I’m sure we all can agree, is totally badass. The second, however, may be more important. I remember the living room, at our old house on Woodbine. There’s a blanket on the floor near the fireplace, and on that blanket is a baby of some sort. I’m sitting there, next to this blanket. I look to this baby-like thing and I think, “That’s my brother.” I was young, of course, and my brain was not operating at full capacity yet, surely. Still, against all odds, it turns out that thought was right. That was my brother. That’s an amazing thing.

From there, Jonathan, you’re all throughout my memories and my life, as I’m sure you know. I remember tip-toeing with you over all sorts of junk in the toy room at our old house, looking for this or that. I remember days spent bouncing on the trampoline, or playing in the pool. I remember so many times we “played as people,” as if indicating we weren’t people yet. We were, though. We were awesome people.

So much of the awesome person I am, and the awesome things I love were shaped by you, Jonathan. I may play a video game or two, or three, or three thousand during my free time. But if I had to pick games to top my all time favorites, they’d be games I played with you. Smash Brothers. Kirby Super Star. Hell, think of how many times we replayed the first two hours of Secret of Mana together. Rented it time and again, grinding out the exact same events, but we did it together, and that made it fantastic fun. Even when we played WoW together, we got those silly radios so that even though we were playing in different rooms of the house, we could still play together. All that stuff is part of who I am because it’s something we shared. I loved every moment of it.

Even these memories, though great examples, are so small in comparison to everything I’ve gained for having a brother like you. You’ve always been there for me, and I’ve tried to always be there for you. So when a certain woman entered your life, I didn’t know how to react. My only dating experience had been with people over the internet who lived an 8 hour drive away, but here you were, meeting someone, in person, and dating them. My mind was boggled. Could this work out? Only the best would do for my brother, after all. I watched and wondered and worried.

The turning point came, like so many things, from the geekiest of pursuits: Dungeons and Dragons. I had the joy of playing with Shauna in not one but two campaign attempts, in which she totally nailed it. She was role-playing the pants off of us, putting real passion behind her character, even while transforming into a deadly attack cat with her druid skills. It was awesome. She was awesome. It was then I made myself stop being a stupid worrier, and actually look at the situation. I let myself see how happy she was making him. “You know,” I told myself then, “I think this could work.” And much like my spot-on prediction about the status of the baby on the blanket, I feel like my prophecy has come true. It’s hard to imagine a family get-together not involving her slaughtering me at trivia, or just sitting at the dinner table with us. Even before it became official today, she was already part of our family, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I can’t believe I’m standing here in front of you all today. I can’t believe that my brother, excellent guy that he is, is now married to a completely excellent woman like Shauna. This is an event so excellent that I’m forced to continue to use the adjective excellent. Nothing else describes this moment, and I am completely honored that I get to be up here and celebrate it with the two of you. I hope your life together continues to require such adjectives. I’m reminded of the words of two of the greatest philosophers of our time, Bill S. Preston, Esquire, and Ted “Theodore” Logan. I’ll leave you with them today. Jonathan, Shauna, “Be Excellent To Each Other, and Party On.”

Seriously, congratulations, you two.

I can’t count the doors, really,
as that would break the illusion,
but there are a lot of them,
hallways and connections and stairs,
and each is perfectly labelled
with the name of you, or you,
one who I know
(is a real person doing real things
somewhere out there, living a life
I’m not always aware of but,
frankly, glad to be a part of
through living screens,
beamed words,
shared pleasures)
like my many familiar fingertips
who bang away,
building plans,
architects of a place
where the world is right
and the people,
so many,
who are important,
sit down to dinner together each night
and toast to love
before making it a real.

In the glow, the clack, the hum,
I can touch it now.

I had nothing else to write about, so I ended up writing a poem.
Love is awesome. I think you’ll know if this is about you.
Have a good day.

I’ve been staring at this screen for half an hour attempting to come up with a topic. I don’t have one. So, you know, I guess I’ll just say this.

I really fucking want Ghost Trick.

They posted this flash demo, and I played through it a day or two ago, and man, now I’m just more frustrated it’s not going to be out for another few months. Already these characters have that Phoenix Wright charm to them, which is EXACTLY what I am wanting. And I mean, fuck, look at that animation. Beautiful stuff, and so wonderfully stylized.

I want it. But I’ve already Amazon preordered it. There’s nothing I can do until it shows up. I am in despair. The long wait between the Japanese and American release of a text-heavy game has left me in despair!

Not that I currently have time to play it or anything. I barely have time to make myself write this blog.
Enjoy the demo, anyway. I’ll try to find some time to write something significant this week.

Before my day went to total shit, I was grading papers. I pick up papers just, you know, off the stack in the order they are.

First paper thesis: Sodas are bad for you. It’s a whole paper just scaring you about how bad sodas are for your health. “Fair enough, they are kind of bad,” I said. I commented on the paper, “No citations!,” and moved on to the next one.

Second paper thesis: Energy drinks are bad for you. All kinds of health problems and issues, blah blah blah. Similar format. “Well, alright, that is a common sort of idea, sure,” I thought. I graded away. “No citations!” Next paper!

Third paper thesis: Sodas are bad for you. Again. Clearly different paper, of course, but same topic, similar points.

I look ahead. “Okay, thing about bottled water next, then… energy drinks again.”

I turned around in my chair. “These papers are trying to tell me something,” I told Cara. “They want me to stop drinking Soda and Energy Drinks.”

Then I went and got a soda from the fridge in the office.

I wonder about the fact that I am constantly finding myself thinking about the nature of happiness. I feel this urge to define it, so I know what I’m trying for, and what I’m working at to get. I want it to be something with rules, something that, if I just do the right things, I can pick it up and have it. I can just take it, and then things will be fine. I’ll transition, or move out, or have my boyfriend around, and then it’ll be okay. Things will be okay.

I don’t know if that’s true. I’m sure those are the right decisions, but I don’t know if it just happens that way.

In any case, sitting in the office today, I fell asleep trying to get my work done, and in thinking about the fact that this happened, I came up with a new potential definition of happiness that I want to run past you.

Happiness is not being so physically and mentally tired that you fall asleep any time you stop for a moment.

When I write it and look at it, it seems so stupid. So simple. It also seems to not be what happiness is. Happiness is bigger, isn’t it? Happiness is something that makes you feel good, not stable. It makes you feel like everything is alright, yes, everything’s fine, and so on. It makes you smile. Right? Something like that?

That seems so impossible in so many ways. I just want to get to the point where my very body isn’t trying to escape what I’m doing, black out and leave, much less me in general. I want to feel in control. I want to keep it together. That’s what I want.
Maybe that’s happiness for now. Maybe. Maybe I don’t know what it is, and maybe I never have and never will. I can never be sure. It always seems unreal, when I try to pull up in my head times when I was happy.

Maybe that’s just me feeling bad talking. I don’t know.

I wish I had other things on my mind than this stupid bullshit.

Have a nice day. Be happy.

What is it about this image that is so hilarious? Is it the mystery of why the bird is so scandalized by the camera, or, say, the viewer? Is it the perfect pan, or the perfect expression on the bird’s face? Is it the amazing entertainment that an animated image normally brings to the viewer?

I don’t know, but I keep laughing at it.

Seriously, it’s been open in its own window for like a week. I wish I could remember who on twitter linked it so I could give them credit here. Every time I look at it I laugh or smile.

It makes me wonder about myself. Is my life really so shitty that something so stupid and silly can invoke such a response? Like, perhaps, that this is the one nice thing going on right now? Or is that overthinking something as simple and universal as taking pleasure in the little things, like funny animal pictures. Or, I dunno, extremely phallic pictures. In the end, isn’t taking pleasure in small things a-okay?

Probably.
That’s certainly my stance going forward.

Every year, around this time, something happens. I have to start shopping for people, and buying them things. It’s crazy, I know, but it’s true. When I do that, I like to sometimes take a look at how I’m doing on that quest, just to make sure I’m on track. What’s there left to buy and how am I doing making sure it all gets bought? Well, let’s see.

Mom: No Check
Dad: No Check
Jonathan: Check
Shauna: Check
Brer: Check (Agreed not to get each other anything for more spending money during his visit)
Grandma: No Check
Grandpa: No Check
Festivus Victim: Half-Check (Physical Gifts Purchase, Project Incomplete)
Friend Gift Exchange: ??? (Unsure if we’re doing it)

Yeah, I’m already off to a good start after Black Friday weekend. Of course, most of the stuff I bought wasn’t via Black Friday-ness, but, you know. Power of the Internet! Heh. I’m kind of using a “don’t overthink it” gifting strategy this year. Having an idea, getting it, and going, you know? I suppose I also need to get Jonathan and Shauna a wedding present, but that’ll happen before the wedding sometime this week. I should also probably make a Christmas list for my mother at some point. Hmm.

Anyway, happy consumer madness to you all! I’ll be back tomorrow with something stupid, I’m sure.

Have I mentioned I like Telltale Games? I like Telltale Games. They make funny stuff, and I always find games of theirs that I play genuinely enjoyable. Still, I was on the fence when I heard the announcement of Poker Night at the Inventory. I don’t know anything about Poker. Okay, that’s not true, but it’s not a card game I really enjoy. The concept of betting actual money just doesn’t appeal to me, so I never really got into it. Still, when I saw it was only going to be $5, I went ahead and jumped in. I liked the characters, and I trusted Telltale. The TF2 unlocks that showed up later also made me feel sure I made the right decision.

The game itself is kind of what you’d expect. You play Texas Hold’em Poker, and these characters you recognize say funny things. The dialog in the game is genuinely hilarious. I’ve laughed quite a bit while playing through it. Each character is true to their nature, and they have nice discussions back and forth that are meta and appropriate. For example, Tycho understands the Heavy is a character in a video game who gets drops from kills, but also discusses his background as if he were not. Similarly, Strong Bad and Tycho go back and forth on the relative popularity of their respective websites, for example. It works, and it’s really well-written and voiced.
There’s only so much voice work and funny jokes, though. It does run out. I had the game set to “idle chit-chat,” meaning the characters rarely talked, and I heard most of the jokes after a few hours or play. Sometimes another one I haven’t heard slips through, but if you had it turned up to more verbose settings, I’m sure you’d blow through the dialog in a much shorter period of time.

However, the game itself is just Poker. It’s sweetened with the TF2 unlocks, but it is Texas Hold’em. Rock Paper Shotgun seems to think that the Poker AI is not very good at all. This very well might be true! I don’t notice it, but I admit I only know the very basics of actual deep poker strategy. It does seem designed around people who aren’t particularly Poker players, which seems a weird decision when you’re making a Poker game. However, I have to say that, as a person who isn’t into Poker, I do find the gameplay pretty fun. I probably won’t keep playing it after I get all the TF2 unlocks (I’m only missing the Iron Curtain at this point) but I am enjoying myself. I have no problem with it.

Just know you’re getting a budget game, and that it isn’t anything more than Poker, and you’ll know whether or not this is a game to pick up. If you like Telltale and play TF2, this is really a no-brainer, though I hope you preordered and got the badass Poker Visor. If you just like Telltale, think about it. It is very entertaining while the dialog lasts, and you may discover that Poker isn’t as boring a game as you once thought.

I guess I watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1, huh? Yeah, I kind of did. It’s the perfect sort of film for people looking for something like this!

It was also adequate.

That’s sort of the only feeling I got from the film. I had had pretty high hopes about the movie after the Half-Blood Prince film. It was really fantastic because the people who put the movies together took liberties and had the freedom to create an entertaining film, instead of being locked firmly to what the book did. Therefore, I was really looking forward to what they did with the seventh book, since I love to hate on it so much. Could they turn Tent Angst Time into an entertaining film? COULD THEY DO IT?

Eh, sort of.

They, rightfully, barely spend any time in the tent. Little scenes are expanded in order to fill the time, and are normally expanded with exciting fight scenes, which certainly make Harry Potter and Friends seem a lot more badass. For example, what I remember as being about a two second encounter in the diner turns into a dramatic firefight ending with the entire diner destroyed. It’s entertaining to watch.
Especially of interest is Dobby who, somehow, they manage to make seem kind of badass and cool. He keeps showing up, kicking ass, and spouting dramatic one-liners. When he, spoilarz, kicks the bucket, it did feel like an emotional scene. I was kind of affected. But then I remembered it was Dobby. Still, impressive to even get that far. I’m sure fans who care about the character more than I would have been really touched. Shauna, for example, seemed to be strongly affected. So that’s good on them.

Overall, though, they really stuck much more firmly to the plot of the book in this movie, which disappointed me. Harry and friends really are just kind of doing things at random and getting super lucky all throughout the plot of the book, and this isn’t explained more here. Decisions aren’t given much more weight. Sure, we get to see a ghostly Harry and Hermoine having hot naked makings-out, but is that something someone actually wanted to see? It was good to show that these characters are basically adults now, but still, it almost came off as silly, since the ghost people looked like they were made of plastic. After that sixth movie, I thought for sure they could jump in there and make the whole thing make a little more sense. It didn’t happen.

The movie is fine. If you like the books, you’ll love it. If you have a weird sort of love/hate relationship with Harry Potter, you’ll enjoy seeing it, but probably won’t be all impressed. By all means, give it a view. In the end, though, it’s still a movie that’s half of Harry Potter book 7, so… you know what you’re getting into.