The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

So I was doing this history project and trying to think of weird little things in history to put in there instead of the big stuff, because it’s supposed to be fun, you know? So, for whatever reason, I think of Dani Bunten Berry, the male-to-female transsexual who created the game M.U.L.E., which is this huge deal and which I need to play at some point in time. So I check out her wikipedia page to see if the dates of her doing all this would fit, and I’m browsing along, and I read “After a third failed marriage, Bunten, who had until then been living as a male, transitioned to living as a woman. Bunten later regretted this decision.” And there was a link to the source for this comment. So I go and I read the source, and it’s this rant about how transitioning didn’t ruin her life, but it did cut her off from people she cared about and cost her a lot of money and cut off her sex drive, and if she could do it all again she wouldn’t have gone through with it.
I’d only heard about her like… vaguely. It was only like last year I heard of M.U.L.E., and then it seemed like I started seeing it everywhere, as this sort of small gaming classic back in the day, and knowing that a transsexual was behind it… you know, it was comforting. It meant that, you know, it’s all doable. One can make it, you know? And although I know the state of the internet and information on it is nebulous, and all this might not even be true… it’s just depressing to read and learn about anyway… I dunno. It’s going to be hard. It really is.

In happier news, Advance Wars: Days of Ruin is awesome. I’m going to go to bed and play more of that now.

So I played Rock Band tonight online with people from Talking Time. It was a lot of fun. I sang on Hard. I found that I am a lot more accurate if I like… sing everything falsetto and breathy and feminine. I don’t know why that is, but I was getting like… 90% instead of my normal like… 86% when I try to sing like the singer and such. Who knew? Also, I find I like Electric Version quite a bit even though Essner really dislikes it. I mean, not like Mass Romantic levels of like, but enough for me to seek out a copy of it. Oh well. Too bad for Essner, he’ll just have to not enjoy it as I play and sing it or whatever. Also, I found I suck ass at singing Reptilia. Mostly because I realized after I had picked it that I had never sung it before. Seriously, I got like… 67%. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is playing online with a full group is just about as fun as offline, though the malfunctioning of the headsets made it hard to… talk much. But oh well. Hopefully we won’t have that problem next time.

I should be in bed, but I’m not.

Also, I’m probably late to the party, but did you see this video of the Bionic Commando Remake for XBLA? I tried the original back when I picked up this little Capcom Classics GBA cart from work on the cheap, and I sucked at it. I’m horrible at old school games nowadays. But that looks to add more interactivity. And co-op? Fuck yes. That’ll get ten dollars of Microsoft Funmoney when it comes out.
Oh, and while I’m linking shit, they have this flash demo of Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney over here. If you ever wanted to know if you’d like playing a Phoenix Wright game, try that out, and then imagine that over a whole game, because you do basically do everything you do in the games in that demo… well, okay, besides the investigation parts, but you know… the text… that’s the important part… if you like that.

I’m tempted to write something here about how my mom thinks I’m a failure and keeps communicating this to me in a roundabout, covert kinda way, but I don’t think I want to get into it. I think thinking about is what made me so drifty and unable to concentrate and quietly depressed this evening. I think I’ll just go to bed, play a little Picross, and sleep.

Last night, I dreamed that Brer dropped by work to kiss me, but just to kiss me. He couldn’t or wouldn’t stay, and left, and I cried quite a bit.
I must be missing him a bit more than I thought. Though that’s a bit selfish, I suppose, he can have Christmas with his family, same as I’m having Christmas with mine. He’ll be back soon anyway. It’s not like I’m in tears constantly or anything silly, but it does seem like my subconscious is trying to say something, especially since I rarely dream.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that for no reason. Merry Chrissymas Eve, people. Go spend time with your families and have fun, yeah?

So Droid tells me I should probably get my own web hosting. I’ve been mooching off of him for a long, long time. It’s probably time I went out and handled it on my own. I’ve no complaints… I’m pretty sure I know where I’m going to move and shit, but if some random internet person knows a really good cheap host for my little bloggy site and personal site, let me know.

Anyway, for the past few days I’ve been sick to my stomach constantly, and it’s probably due to nervousness, and I just wanted to ramble about it. It’s depressing shit, and you probably shouldn’t read it.

It’s really all a control thing… I don’t feel like I have any, and then I go and do things to make me feel like I have control… but in the end, this just gets me more nervous, because I feel like I need to do X or Y to please “them” (them being… I dunno… the world? It’s not anyone in particular, it’s just this force I always feel is wanting me to do things, or else) and doing my little whatevers to feel better about myself hurts that… it’s just… really frustrating.
Basically, I’d just like my decisions to matter, and what I do to be… I dunno… appreciated? Even quietly. Having Jonathan telling me I’m an ass for not telling him I took care of having sodas for the get together (which doesn’t affect him at all, I took care of it) is not making the effort, however big or small it was, feel appreciated. I don’t like repeating things like that 40 times. I would also like the decisions I make to be respected. I’m open to advice, give me all the advice you’d like, but I’ll make the decision. When little stupid things like “I am full and done eating” require me to convince my parents multiple times that I do not want any more, it’s fairly obvious what I want has little bearing on anything… at least to me…

I don’t know, I know I’m being moody, and that makes me take things out of proportion. It’s probably not worth worrying about. But it’s things like that that make me want to move far away from here as fast as I can, so I can start anew and not have these ghosts of people’s wants, real or imagined, trying to change every little thing I do… to just live for myself and not worry, that’s really all I want…

Oh well… I beat the first boss in Rune Factory, so I should write up a little bit about that soon… also, I asked Parish to let me write for Gamespite. He still hasn’t gotten back to me, so, you know, hell, I might not get to, and that’s fine… but you might be seeing more content from me over there eventually. Cross your fingers for me.

You know what? Fuck it all.

This entire semester I have been so focused on “have to do good so I can graduate on time” that I have been sick, nervous, and moody throughout the entire thing. Brer has had to deal with me, people have had to deal with me… you know what? Fuck it. It’s not worth it. Being miserable isn’t helping me do better at school anyway. From now on, focusing on having fun and relaxing. So what if I have to do one more semester? What the hell is one more fucking semester anyway? It’s not like I’m ever going to be closer to getting what I want, and it seemed likely that I was going to have to do a third anyway. So fuck it.
Fuck.
It.
Fuck it.

In other news, happy Talk Like A Pirate Day, Matey! Arr, Avast, Etc! I took some sort of Pirate Name poll, and it said I was some sort of smelly person, which I didn’t appreciate. Oh well.