The Blogtastic Blogfest That Is Getmeoutofthis.net!

Debated whether or not to write about this because I feel like it makes me an asshole. But whatever. I can trust you, right blog? You understand me, right? So I’m going to talk this out, and we’ll see where it goes. If you don’t like me being extremely personal and diary-like, this is not a day to read this blog, I guess. Come back later! Anyway…

At work, we often have coupons going on. By often I mean “always.” Over the past few days, we had a “friends and family” coupon going on, that we were supposed to give out to, you know, friends and family. Of course, we have some at all the registers in case people forget theirs. We do this for all our coupons.

Basically, though, this leads most people to just automatically ask “do you have any coupons I can use?” any time they come up to the register. Which is fine, I suppose. Kohl’s would much rather have them come in thinking “well, surely they have a coupon so it’s okay to shop” than not. When they ask, there’s nothing wrong with giving them the coupon. It doesn’t hurt me for Kohl’s not to make as much money, and it makes the customers happier, so I guess there’s that.

But there’s a part of me that’s kind of annoyed at the assumption that there’s always going to be a coupon there, and I’m not totally sure why. I think it’s the way in which a lot of people ask me for it, like they deserve a coupon and will be unhappy without it, instead of wondering if I have an extra bonus for them. It’s a difference between “hey, do you think you could do me a favor?” and “give me my discount, slave.”

The point is, all weekend, I’ve been telling people there are no coupons. Not every person. Whenever someone met criteria I didn’t quite understand I’d tell them about it, and get them their discount. Like, if they made a mistake, and pulled out their coupon for later this week, and looked sad instead of upset, or took the news well, then I’d offer them the other coupon instead. If nothing about them struck me as whatever, I didn’t mention its existence unless specifically asked for that coupon. Then I pulled it out, of course. I wasn’t about to get in trouble. But I held the power of 20% off in my paws, and I wielded it like I wanted.

The way it happens, though, is just… strange. It really is an almost subconscious decision. I’d smile at the customer and immediately fall into one of those two roles, and I could not break from it at that point, even if I wanted to. I couldn’t ruin the illusion. The lie. Even when there wasn’t any lie. It was so much faking it, something I’ve done so much of in my life, and have worked hard to get rid of. But here was a chance to do that, with no consequences and no reason not to, and I jumped on it. I jumped on it, and wielded this stupidest of lies to keep a barrier between me and these people who are all nice enough, and whom I have no ill-will towards, but who love to punch me in the gut and knock the wind out of me with mentions of me off-hand to their kids, for example.

Believe it or not, I like customer service. I like interacting with people, and the vast majority of people I see every day are awesome, nice people. I don’t mind working the register at all. But my own problems get wrapped up in these interactions. People I may never see again don’t know what they’re getting into and what they’re doing to me emotionally. So I keep coupons from them in order to feel distance from them so I don’t feel as hurt. I guess that’s basically the scenario I have talked through here. Maybe I should be doing other things to protect myself. Maybe I should be going overboard with my appearance so there’s no fucking way anyone could make a mistake. I don’t know. It’s silly to take it out on others, even with something as trivial as a coupon. I should really stop that.

I am kind of in a lot of pain right now! I do not know why, but I hope it will pass. In any case, I am just going to write a little tonight and get back to watching shit with Brer on Synchtube.

But what is Synchtube, you don’t actually ask but I will answer anyway because this is what I’m writing about tonight deal with it.

I find Synchtube really awesome. One of the reasons I sort of wanted a Google+ Account, but not really, was the Hangouts. The idea that I could instantly sync and watch youtube videos with my internet friends is a benefit, to be sure! But then again, most of the stuff I watch isn’t actually on the youtube. Thus, when it was pulled into a Synchtube group the other day doing the pony-watching festivities, I was intrigued and excited.

It really works exactly as advertised. You don’t need to make an account to watch or make a group. You just dump the link into a chat and people are there. You can put just about any type of video you’d want on there: it supports stuff like blip.tv, making it good for all sorts of the content I watch on the lines. It’s just incredibly friendly to use, and it works. Apparently you can stall out of their little chat after awhile? But just don’t use their chat. The video stuff works just great. You’re synced up, and watching shit with your friends.

I like it. I will probably use it more often. I’m glad Phenwah showed it to me. You should use it to.
I’m off to bed.

Let me tell you about Shockers.

I purchased Shockers as part of a mix of candy from an expensive movie theater machine, and it reminded me that Shockers are pretty good, though I rarely have had them. I like sour things, and they were basically Chewy Spree with a sour oomph, which is right down my alley. It was a nice surprise and treat at the movie theater.

Then I made the first mistake of trying to figure out where I can find them. I couldn’t find anywhere selling them in Cape, but I did find places on my way to St. Louis that sold them. Of course, I wanted them, because they were good, and kind of a treat for when I did my commute. The problem is, I can’t buy them in Cape, so I always seem to end up buying two. That’s my second mistake.

Shockers destroy my tongue. Everything is basically okay for one tube, but a few pieces into tube number 2? Your tongue just becomes useless for the rest of the day. It becomes hyper-sensitive, and it’s frustrating to eat anything after that point.
I always intend to have one now, and one later when I buy more than one. That’s always my intention. But I have been having fucking horrible cravings lately. It’s frustrating, but I haven’t really experienced it before. I am just overwhelmed with a need for something sweet every so often, and when my body finally gets some sweet, it wants all of it. So, of course, I bust open the second tube and then I am in agony for the rest of the day.

Let’s be honest: this is about the stupidest problem a person could have. I really need to just quit buying Shockers, now that I know where to find them. But I keep doing it every time I go to St. Louis. Time flows like a river, and history repeats. No, wait, that’s the Mana Fortress. Well, something like that. I’m an idiot when it comes to buying candy. That’s all there is to it.
And now I imagined what a movie-theater box of Shockers would be like. Gods, I wouldn’t be able to eat for a week if I came into possession of something like that.

I feel like I’m having problems finding things to write about lately! I’ve been consuming less content because I’ve been working so much, and my current game conquest I shouldn’t talk about, because the whole point of me playing it is to write an article about it! (Dun dun dunnnnn!) More and more, I find myself on days like this one where I just kind of want to go to bed, and don’t want to do this. Still, here I am, because this silly blog is such an element of pride for me. I’m proud that I write some sort of bullshit everyday. It means a lot. So here I am. Let’s ramble.

I still have no idea what the whole right thing to do is on FurAffinity. Every so often I write my stupid shit and post it there. I don’t edit it, and I don’t spend much time on it: I get feeling all guilty when I’m doing heavy editing and storytelling work on pornographies. Still, I put them up, and people who find them somehow often decide they like them, probably because they play into under-served fetishes I am also a part of. It’s when they favorite, or comment, that I don’t know what to do. People have sometimes sent me messages thanking me for watches on FA when I watch them. Should I be doing that? People leave feedback on a story and what they want to see. Should I address every person? I’ve mostly just stayed quiet out of being unable to know. I just don’t use FurAffinity that way. I know it’s some furs Facebook or whatever, but it’s not mine. It’s just an easy way to track artists who draw shit I like. I dunno.

The house-buying continues well. I guess I haven’t written about that much here, but I’m buying a house, and I’m excited. I’ve got all kinds of household goods I’ve been collecting, which is useful. Of course, I still haven’t gotten the most important parts, like a new router and cables to run all over the damn place for the serious internets. Of course, apparently my bank has decided to take my loan deposit out of my account twice, instead of just, you know, the one time, so I’m a big super-broke at the moment. I get to yell at them about that tomorrow. Yay! But yeah, that’s all going according to plan. I’m cooking and planning and scheming. Of course, I worry the house won’t really feel like my home until a certain wuff gets his butt down here to me, but that’ll happen in due time.

I also continue to unironically like ponies. I rather think the pony thing has gone too far as a fandom, though, and this sort of thing is proof, but that is part of the reason why I revel in it and enjoy it so much. For whatever reason, ponies are something that the internet has decided to just be okay with liking without caveats or haters. (Okay, there are surely those types out there, but for once, I just feel like they are getting drowned out by love, instead of the other way around.) People can show their love for this silly kids show, and it’s fantastic to watch people just go for it, and feel for once they won’t be judged for it. Maybe I’m misreading things, but that’s how I see it. I love it. The fact that it’s a genuinely good show that I am entertained by is fantastic too.
I do still think the term “Brony” is fucking terrible, though. Ugh. Certainly not going to call myself that.

Anyway, that’s a blog. Goodnight, everyone.

Today was a tiring day. Today was a mostly good day. Today has become a linkdump day.

It’s Rarity’s cigarette that sells this one for me, really.

Let Jeff Green invade your nightmares.

Join me in being sad once again at the loss of Idle Thumbs.

This is my Tiny Tower. I can’t escape Tiny Tower.

Were you wanting a 20 minute long remix of Mario Songs? Well, you can get that right here.

More Persona 4 Fighter footage. It looks so damn good. I want it now.

I started watching Mawaru Penguindrum today. It’s sometimes a bit weird.

This is one of the better Retsupuraes I’ve seen in a long while.

I’m off to bed. Thanks for being nice today, world. My day off is over, so, you know, can’t rest anymore!

River Song is a waste of a good idea.

I dunno, I just have to say this, because it frustrates me. So much of Dr. Who is so much better now that Russel T. Davies is gone, but at the same time, they’ve done so much shit. The show is so great, but they just tend to forget where the line is for creating entertaining cheesyness and real, terrible cheesyness. They do great work, and then cross the line and ruin the work they’ve done.

River Song is just such a great example of this. Current season spoilers coming, of course, so, you know, if you’re not caught up, don’t read.

When River first appeared, she was a great idea for a character. Being from the Doctor’s future, she was the first character who truly had something up on him, and could put the Doctor off=guard. You could see the Doctor react to that. It bothered the shit out of him, which was perfect. He was threatened in a whole different way. It was the sort of thing that you could get some character development out of the Doctor from, which is hard to do with a character like the Doctor. I was down.

Then she came back for another episode, which was fine. Sure! Why not? More Angels and shit. She’s still mysterious and a problem for the Doctor. I can dig it.
Then she came back again.
And again.

At this point, the mystery of her was wore out. She was just this person that the Doctor was supposed to be in love with. But there were no sparks between them. That was kind of a problem. Still, I was okay with it. Then there was this pirate episode that disgusted me so much I kind of gave up on the season.

Coming back, I got caught up with what had happened. And what had happened was bullshit. Apparently River Song is Rory and Amy’s daughter for no reason, and she’s also part Time Lord for no reason, and she’s also an assassin for no reason. I watched the episode “Let’s Kill Hitler” and I shook my head. They were flushing her character, and all the good she brought to the show, down the toilet for some really, really stupid plot twists out of nowhere.

I see it again and again from the show, and it frustrates me. It’s like they don’t know what they’re doing. I think the problem is a George Lucas kind of problem, where they worry that they need to make a show that kids will like, instead of just worrying about making something good that kids can watch. Whatever it is, I wish they’d stop it. They’re obviously capable of making some super-fun, super-interesting television. I wish they’d just do it.

There are times when I am like, “I am a pretty damn good conversationalist. I can get my ideas across, I can be witty and funny, I can listen and give good advice, and so on. I got what it takes to conversate.” I go out. I turn on charm. I may not be the best, but I can charm some people. I can orate. I can give orders to my crew. I can make assignments. I get stuff done. I do stuff.

Being semi-competent in conversation has just been doing great things for me recently. I feel like I’ve been getting really close to Cara and Aesa with all this talking we’ve been doing. Deep conversations. Good conversations. The kind of conversations where you leave knowing there’s a connection there, a strong one, that’s only going to get stronger.

Then there are conversations with my parents, where my wordskills completely fail me. When I can’t get across what I need to say because they won’t listen, no matter how I put it. Where every time I talk to them, it becomes more and more clear that wanting to be close to my parents is not a mutual feeling. I leave each encounter feeling the gap between us widen.

Words, like Space, have a terrible power. Good and evil, all in how you use it. All that shit. I spend hours at work thinking of petty and spiteful ways to use words to get revenge. I think of scenarios where I can annoy the shit out of those in my way, or make them feel how they make me feel. Or maybe I just roleplay, in my head, screaming at them, loudly and insistently, telling them off and telling them exactly what I wish I could without insulting them. Just yell “Fuck you, you selfish assholes!” Just scream until things somehow get better. Like screaming ever helped anything.

I talk to people about things. I talk to them when I am tired, like now, and I tell them things that I wouldn’t say otherwise. I tell a certain someone about how I love them and wish I could move our relationship forward into something beyond online sexytimes. I tell friends how much they mean to me and everything I feel about them. I tell people about how I used to sing songs about how much I deserved to die and how I’d kill myself soon, surely. I sing those songs to myself. I argue with myself, then tell my puppy dog about it and cry. I make plans. I execute on plans. I laugh. I enjoy myself. I talk to people about things.

I’m talking to people about things.

Goodnight.

Today was shit. You know what’s not shit?

Links, motherfucker. Links.

Did I link you Fashion It So yet? Because if I didn’t, shame on me. Fantastic tumblr that anyone who likes TNG would enjoy.
Related image.

Oh fuck, I want you so bad, Persona 4 Fighting Game. Be released now so I can purchase you.

This is an Onion Article I found humorous recently.

Comics: Nedroid is always funny. As is Three Word Phrase. Also, there are pony comics. I mean, hell, I have all kinds of pony pictures. I have pony pictures that reference Regular Show. I got pony ask blogs that make me giggle. I got videos of the MLP fighting game as it currently stands. So many fucking ponies.

Anyway, fuck this day. I’m going to bed. That is all.

I cooked tonight. To various levels of what one can call “cooking.”

Well okay, so. I was driving home from St. Louis. I knew I had the house to myself so I’m like all “fuuuuuuck what I am going to get for dinner on the way home?” I couldn’t come up with anything that sounded good to me.

It was then that I realized a flaw in my logic. “What am I going to get?” is the wrong question. I am the sort of person who will soon own a house and live in that house and needs to not be eating out constantly and be more wise with money. The question should be “What can I make when I get home?” I nodded with this sound realization and brainstormed what I could make. When I got home, I executed on the plan.

Basically, I had a few chicken sammich patties left over, but no bread. So I decided to make some Rice-a-roni type stuff and chop up this chicken and then use a fork and eat that. I was a bit worried, as the chicken was breaded and that seemed odd to go over that sort of thing, but I shouldn’t have been, as it was fucking delicious and filling, though the fact that I love some Rice that has been Ronied probably helped with that. It was an ugly dish, though, as most things I cook turn out to be. (They also tend to turn out at least mostly edible and tasty, so I guess I can’t complain.) I would not have scored many points for plating on Iron Chef.

After I enjoyed that, I had enough left for another plate, so I made that up and stored it for tomorrow, as I believe you are supposed to do. (We’ve never been a family that’s big on leftovers, and when we did have them, usually Mom would take care of the eating of them, not me.) I cleaned up the kitchen and went to work. Adventure over.

The one thing that occurred to me was that the whole process really didn’t take very long. One of the reasons I never did much cooking for myself is that I always felt like cooking took forever, but as I think about it now, it probably would have taken just as long (maybe a little bit shorter, but not a lot) to run out and get something from a drive-through. Granted, I’m not about to pretend what I cooked is anything even remotely complicated in the least. Real cooking probably does take longer. But just cooking for me, this was great. I did the kitchen stuff and caught up on podcasts and it was really no big deal. I feel like this bodes well for me surviving out on my own.

But maybe I’m just making a bunch of stuff out of nothing because I am tired and I needed something to write about and that felt like the one thing of note I did today. You decide! Just remember I have a delicious lunch waiting for me in the fridge that I am totally going to eat tomorrow.

Saturday, I worked late on Ad Set. Sunday, I got up super early to be at work at 6 AM, worked a shift, then came back and worked another shift at 5 PM. Today, I will be driving to St. Louis, driving back, then working another shift.

I’ve been working a lot.

I’m not complaining, perse? I’m glad I’m finding some sort of hours, and while Kohl’s has it’s problems as an employer, I really don’t mind working there. (I wouldn’t be working there 6 or so years later if I had problems.) I like most of the people there, everyone knows and trusts me, and everyone has been fantastic with all the changes going on in my life to boot. The experience of working is not a bad one. I don’t really mind it. At least I’m being useful, you know?

It’s really the lack of a schedule that bothers me. When I work is all over the place. It was before, when I was just doing ad set, but I still had structure in my life because my classes were structured and regimented at normal times throughout the day. Now, I don’t have that. I teach those two days a week at a set time, but otherwise I have no idea when I’m going to be working, or when I will be able to pick up a shift.

I’ve always been the kind of person who likes normalcy, and dislikes change, but it didn’t occur to me until I started picking up all these extra shifts and doing all this extra work how much not having a set weekly schedule bothered me. I feel lost, like I don’t know when it is. It’s harder to put things into a time perspective, something I am already terrible at, without being able to point at cycles in my life to determine how long it’s been. (Sort of a “Well, I’ve done that twice since we talked last, so two weeks ago?”) In a post-school world, I never figured that filling that time with work however I could would bring me down, but here we are.

Basically, I hope I can find a full time position for the scheduling benefits. I mean, other benefits, like not completely ass health insurance, will really help me too, don’t get me wrong. As well as, you know, money. But I’d like to get into a routine again. A routine would be nice. A routine would be relaxing.