I had been feeling like I didn’t know exactly what was going on with my transitioning. I didn’t know what I should be doing, and when I wanted to start doing all those things was lingering. What did I still need to get done? What was I even supposed to be working on? What was there left to do?<\/p>\n
So when I saw Dr. Friedman next, I asked.<\/p>\n
And through all the discussion, it really seems like there’s just no way it’s going to happen when it was supposed to. It’s now another semester away, probably.<\/p>\n
It’s just not fair. I’m ready, you know? It’s all about my family and such, and while yes, I want things to go well for them so that there is the least amount of friction, dammit… I want to get started. I want to live my life the way I want it to. I want to have control over myself for the first fucking time in my life. I want to start transitioning. I want to be me.<\/p>\n
It also just brings up all kinds of issues. I’d be transitioning around Jonathan’s wedding, and around Christmas, and it just… man, it seems like a great way to make those situations shitty, doesn’t it? That’s why I wanted a buffer zone, so I’d be fully into things so that there wouldn’t be any argument at these situations. Now, I guess I put it off past that too?<\/p>\n
More and more. Always something else, isn’t there?<\/p>\n
I’m discouraged. I know what I need to do now, and I’ll do it. There are benefits too. My face stuff will be done by the time I start then, which is probably a much better situation, for example. And I’m closer than I’ve ever been, and I am making progress.
\nBut fuck.<\/p>\n
Just… fuck.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I had been feeling like I didn’t know exactly what was going on with my transitioning. I didn’t know what I should be doing, and when I wanted to start doing all those things was lingering. What did I still need to get done? What was I even supposed to be working on? What was […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[8,7,3],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/getmeoutofthis.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1306"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/getmeoutofthis.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/getmeoutofthis.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/getmeoutofthis.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/getmeoutofthis.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1306"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/getmeoutofthis.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1306\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1307,"href":"http:\/\/getmeoutofthis.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1306\/revisions\/1307"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/getmeoutofthis.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1306"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/getmeoutofthis.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1306"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/getmeoutofthis.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1306"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}