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November 19, 2005
Harry Potter and the Blog of Insecurities
So, okay, little while ago I got back from seeing HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FYRE! Or Fire. Whatever. It's an enjoyable film. Again, they skipped over unneeded elements of the book to try to get all the plot out without missing anything. Of course, one of those unneeded elements was classes. You don't see them in class at all! Well, okay, the first Moody class, but that's it. And they really really shove the whole Moody thing in your face. I mean, it's not like it's insanely subtle in the book, but come on, mann! A little bit too much? But overall, it was fun to watch. Whoever made the movie really liked the dragons, though... also, since they movie was PG-13, they had one use of the word "fuck," but decided not to make use of it. Unfortunate. Maybe they're saving up for the next one? Or the hot sexual escapades of book 6?
Essner and Jonathan joked through most of the movie. It was more the "supplimental" kind of joking as opposed to laughing at the film, if you understand what I mean. They enjoyed it, but had fun making fun of it at the same time? Yeah. Then again, it also raised... well, one of the things I tend to think about fairly regularly again in my mind. It always feels like Jonathan fits in with my friends better than I do. I'm sure I'm making things up when I say that, not that Jonathan doesn't fit in, just... eh, you know.
I debated whether or not to write that, as I'm sure at least Essner will likely read this and I don't want to fish for reassurance, even though I guess that is what I'm doing. I write on this blog instead of a journal because it makes more sense to me and it's a habit and... well, alot of reasons. I can't write, really, on paper very often anymore, because I always feel I'll want to type it up at some point and that's like twice the work? But this blog... I started blogging to get my feelings out there, and yet, since moving from OpenDiary to this blog, I still tend to hold things back. I know people read this. I don't necessarily want them to, although they're welcome to, but I know people do, for better or worse. Part of me, therefore, wants to write for them, and attempt to entertain them a little bit, anyway, while they learn a little about myself. But the other part of me wants to write about what's going on with me and how I feel, like I used to. I don't do that much here anymore. Every time I feel really shitty or depressed, I feel like writing about it, and I open up w.bloggar and I set my fingers on the keys... and then I close the window and hope one of my furry friends comes on to talk to them about it, even though I'll still try not to, because I don't want to dump my stupid crap on them. I don't really write how I feel on here anymore. I write about what I'm doing and I write about things that entertain me and I write about the high points in my life, but really, I very rarely write about how I feel. Since Brer and I became as boyfriend/girlfriend as you can be online, I don't think I've mentioned him as that once, I've only mentioned him in passing. I don't talk about how happy he makes me and how bad I feel that I don't like myself, knowing he likes me and I'm putting down what he likes, or any number of things. I have fairly frequent depression attacks, late at night, when I refuse to go to sleep because I don't like being alone in my bed. You'd never know that from meeting me. That's why I had a blog, to put that somewhere, so that if you wanted to know, you could take the steps and learn that deeper side of who I am. But you can't really even learn that from this blog, either, in it's current state. I keep it censored like I keep most things I do censored. It bothers me. Here is my little corner of the internets where I have a voice and I can write whatever the fuck I want and I still don't let myself. Should I blog about the depressing things? Should I blog about my insecurities and worries more? And if I do, will it all just seem like over-dramatic shit like I think it will? Would it be worth anyone's time to read?
I really don't know.
Posted by poetfox at November 19, 2005 02:27 AM
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