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September 11, 2004

I'm being punished for all my offenses... I want to touch you but I'm afraid of the consequences...

...you're part of me now, and I only have myself to blame. But it's not blame. It's all good.
I'm very tired, but I don't want to go to bed.
I wonder why that is. I mean, I'm really fucking tired. I can barely keep my eyes open. But I do not want to go to bed.
It's weird.
I'm weird.
More cards over at the new crappily done page for the Inside Joke fake magic expansion page. I've got a ton more cards, I'm just not posting them until I have at least temporary picturage for them. Alot of more serious cards and magic-related jokes in this batch, but trust me, we brainstormed up a whole front and back of a piece of paper of just names for cards. The set is going to be great, funny, and hopefully semi-balanced and playable. I'm trying my best to keep it sorta to Magic's normal power curve. Then again, Essner made a Legendary common awhile ago. Who knows. I just hope to god I keep working on this... I'm not the most reliable, honestly, when it comes to projects. But this is really fun to do, and let's me flex my inner rule whore by going over and over the cards to make sure I templated them right for the abilities I gave them. Although this set sure isn't going to get me a job at Wizards, it's enjoyable.
I gotta call Natalie today... yeah. Wonder what I'll talk about...
Oh, if you didn't notice, there's a new link on the side, to weird comic action. Take a look sometime.
But seriously, why don't I want to get some sleep? I don't have anyone to talk to to make me want to stay up, although I wish I did. I wish I had a little person summoning power where I could magically make my friends available to talk without inconviencing them at all at will.
I know it's stupid and I know there's like... no way at all you could know about this or tell that it happened, but I redesigned my character in my head over the past week-ish. Yep, my ol' mental image of myself got a complete makeover! Of course, it's as unrealistic as ever, being furry and definately not male and such. Overhauled me is tall, though, which is a plus because that's one less thing for me to be annoyed with. But Overhauled me is also much thinner, like back when I never ate anything thin, or even thinner than that. That might cause problems. But hey, it's fun trying to put overhauled me into new situations. Does anyone else do this? I mean, I have me who I actually am right now, and then I have character me, who is sorta me but relfects who I want to be and is more interesting as a literary character which I use in daydreaming, and then there's who I want to be me who is really close to daydreaming me but more realistic. I'm sure people view me completely differently than that "who I want to be" me that I see myself as. It's kinda depressing in one way, but on the other hand I know I don't live up to that ideal anyway, so they shouldn't see me like that.
In any case, the overhaul happened because of a mixture of Star Ocean and the new website and stuff that I keep going to and I keep dodging around telling you what it is because it's embarrassing. I don't feel bad not telling you. I'd bet I'd have trouble telling a diary that wasn't posted where everyone in the world would get at it. It's taking some getting used to, for me, to stop being all stupid and realize it's just a part of who I am, and I should have fun with it instead of being stupid about it and shying away from it. I mean, I'm still shy about it, but at least I'm more open-minded and not degrading myself because of it. Either I'm not making any sense, or you know what I'm talking about only not to what degree. Either way I should shut up. The point is, I re-evaluated something I've always had a problem with a bit subconciously this week, and decided that is was stupid to be so uptight. And I'm certianly enjoying myself for it, if you look back. Heh. And Rebecca, if you read this before I get up the guts to actually talk to you about it, maybe you should prompt me. It might be weird to hear me talk about it, but I know you'll understand and I sorta want to get it off my chest... if that's okay with you.
Wow, I've written a fucking novel tonight. I really must be wanting someone to talk to. Oh well, I should try to sleep so I can focus on what I have to do tommorow. Presents and Magic cards and trip planning, oh my!
If you read all that, give yourself a bonus point. And if you actually read this mofo of a stupid blog, remind me if you've told me before or let me know! I got little contact links down there. It's not like you have to, but I'd really like to know, because, well, again, I don't find myself interesting and I'd like to know why you do enough to read like... more than once without stabbing your eyeballs out at the stupid angsty stupid. Most of the time stupid, with a little dash of angst at gender issues. That's my blog in a nutshell.

Posted by poetfox at September 11, 2004 01:14 AM

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